Unable to transition for the moment

[Amy The Bookworm]

At the moment, as the title of the topic says, I'm unable to transition due to my family's current situation and location in the country (rural Kansas, United States). We do plan to move away (most likely either Wichita Kansas or Orlando Florida) but until that happens I'm almost completely stuck where I'm at.

I know I'm transgender. I know I'm a woman. I've even fully adjusted to the idea that I'm a lesbian. I very much want to start working toward transition and stop waiting time, and it's driving me absolutely crazy that I can't because it's too dangerous where we're at so I have to wait until we can move.

...Any advice how to cope in the meantime?

[suzifrommd]

...Any advice how to cope in the meantime?

Pray for courage and patience. (If, like me, you're not sure about God, pray to your inner strength. It works just as well).

Figure out what things you like doing. Things that help you feel true to yourself. They may be related to gender, or may be unrelated. For me it would be reading, writing, taking walks, watching romantic movies, drinking herb tea, talking to friends, etc.

Once you have it figured out, do those things as often as you can. Think of them as gifts to yourself.

I'm unable to transition due to my family's current situation and location in the country (rural Kansas, United States).

Can you try to educate people about transgender? Sometimes people surprise you. Some people are just hating bigots. But a lot of people are just uninformed. When they learn some facts, many people have great ability for compassion.

Most people don't know that:
* Transgender people can't help who they are, that brain research shows our brains are actually wired to be this way.
* No medical, psychological, or religious intervention has ever shown itself to make this go away,
* Living as a different gender is incredibly stressful, whether you're trans or not. It's not surprising that depression, anxiety, and suicide is so common among us.
* Transition is surprisingly effective at getting rid of these issues.

If you're feeling heroic, might be worth exploring trying to spread this information around. Sort of a "did you know that..." or even a do-good thing. "I'm collecting to help transgender people. They have a hard time of it." Not everyone has it in them. If you don't, it's fine just to bide your time.

I don't mean to push you into something you're not comfortable with, but I wanted to make sure you'd thought of all possibilities.

[Jamiep]

Suzi, I love what you have said, wonderful advice and tips.

Amy, you don't mention your age, or if you are working, just wondering if you have either your own car or if the family car is available. Have you check to see if there is a nearby large town/village, community or city that may have trans friendly medical and psychology services or support groups. Have you come out to any members of your family yet?
Hang in there. Be strong.
Good luck.
Jamie

[Sarah Rose]

It's certainly easier said than done.
I've already told my family that I'm starting this year... period.
Nobody really wants me to though, everyone's excuse is that it wont make me happier, yadda yadda.....

I've decided not to tell them when I go in for hormones.. they can find out by seeing the changes.
again easier said than done, but I've told my family that I'm not going to put my life on hold to spare someone elses feelings.

[Amy The Bookworm]

Suzi, I love what you have said, wonderful advice and tips.

Amy, you don't mention your age, or if you are working, just wondering if you have either your own car or if the family car is available. Have you check to see if there is a nearby large town/village, community or city that may have trans friendly medical and psychology services or support groups. Have you come out to any members of your family yet?
Hang in there. Be strong.
Good luck.
Jamie

Age: 33

Currently unemployed. I spend my days being a house wife or going to college classes full time (5 days a week of classes along with about 40 hours a week devoted to working on art work for classes with several more hours for studying ... One reason I don't work ... I just don't have time for it with a full time class load and the amount of time out of class required to do the work)

There is a nearby town (Manhattan) where I go to college and to a gender therapist. By 'nearby' I mean 60 miles.

I've come out to my family (My wife, and my parents who live on the east coast. I do still need to come out to my daughter (7) but I don't want to here ... because while I don't think she would react badly, I know she talks to everyone about everything ... she just can't keep something quiet).

When I say I live in a small town ... I mean SMALL TOWN. Population 450, and most of them seem convinced that it's 1953 still.

The problem with coming out here is that this area of the country is extremely backwards. My introduction to the town when I was dating my wife was seeing a kid tied to a tree getting rocks thrown at him by some of his classmates. I jumped out, chased them off, helped him out, and found out the reason he was being bullied to that extreme was that he was a gay high school student. Given comments I've heard many people make over the years ... It's just not entirely safe to be even openly supportive of LGBT rights, let alone to be openly LGB and especially T here. As long as we're here there's no way I can safely transition.

If you're not a Baptist and regularly attend the down right cult like gatherings the local church has (I'm ... I'm pretty sure even most Baptists would feel that way about these people ...) you don't belong to begin with, so I'm already looked down on by most of the community.

I'd like to try educating people ... but these charming people are the type who think Star Wars teaches witch craft, evolution and global warming aren't real, Disney world is evil, and birth control is a form of abortion and is there for murder. I already get strange looks because I'm going to college to become an art teacher and a stay at home parent, both of which are seen as women's work by the locals ... I think trying to explain to them something like the concept of transgender people would be a little out of their league.

...

Will power, inner strength, and a bucket of low fat Ben & Jerry's half baked yogurt it is.

[Tessa James]

Amy you are taking some critical steps already, like coming out to family, and it seems you are fairly comfortable with being transgender.  This is just my opinion but you are transitioning.  It is your opinion that counts, of course, but the biggest work we do is between our ears-IMO again.  Being comfortable with our true authentic selves is for many a big task.  I have spent some time in Kansas and currently live in a very rural community too.  Your self acceptance and developing confidence can shine thru and maybe some of the locals will surprise you.  There are lots of changes people can do in the privacy of home such as dressing and trying styles that fit you.  Getting ready for a public debut can be done in private?

We bring our challenges where ever we move and in the end you don't need all of those 400+ people to accept you.  A handful of good friends can go along way.  Glad to know you are mobile and are finding solutions.

[Jamie D]

At the moment, as the title of the topic says, I'm unable to transition due to my family's current situation and location in the country (rural Kansas, United States). We do plan to move away (most likely either Wichita Kansas or Orlando Florida) but until that happens I'm almost completely stuck where I'm at.

I know I'm transgender. I know I'm a woman. I've even fully adjusted to the idea that I'm a lesbian. I very much want to start working toward transition and stop waiting time, and it's driving me absolutely crazy that I can't because it's too dangerous where we're at so I have to wait until we can move.

...Any advice how to cope in the meantime?

Transition takes place on multiple levels.  If you can not transition on the physical level, focus on the mental and emotional levels.

[JoanneB]

I love good irony. My life epitomizes it.

I grew up and live within sight of NYC, The west side of Manhattan to be exact. About six years ago I lost my job and got another one in rural West Virgina. In my early 20's I twice experimented with transitioning. It did not work out too well being surrounded by elitest bigots that surround the center of culture and advanced thinking called NYC. I had no problems at all living part time in rural WV.  Now that I once again got a dream job back in NJ, public presentations are out due to fear of the rabble with torches and pitch forks.

Back in WV the nearest "local" TG support group was 90 miles away. FOr me it was a life changer, for the better. They took months to find and turned out to be well worth the effort.

One of the ways I get by now are my daily (some days more often) affirmations. Foremost is the Serenity Prayer. That is followed by a Richard Bach quote told to me by a member of my TG group during my first Christmas party. "Argue for your limitations and sure enough they are yours"

You didn't mention it but presenting as female, even at home, helps me a lot to cope. The few times that upon waking and the first thing I saw was not Joanne were bad days for me. Things change radically 30 minutes later as I change for work. It gets me through the days knowing the dream is real.

In my much younger days I also relied on the occasional periods of low dose HRT to help me get over major humps in my life. Sort of a brain/emotional reset. The other effects came into conflict with my desire to "be normal". In a way that was good for me. I needed a LOT more inner growing to tackle the trans beast.

It will be a few years before I can make any radical changes in my life. Which in a way is good since I don't really know what my goal or end game is. My personal growth these past few years led to a lot of self acceptance of who I am and especially the achievements I made throughout my life. None of which I saw much less felt I earned since I was living a lie, being a faker etc.. My time in WV also showed that I can achieve my life long dream of being seen as and accepted as a woman. In time I know if/when I come to fork in the road I know I can take it. Not run back to where I came from like I did in the past.

BTW - My choice for relocating is Orlando. Nice area, great weather, wonderfull people, and a big city with plenty of rural just a few miles away.