Ginny,
Not a great situation and email, but not really that bad. The advice seems to reflect misinformed love rather than outright rejection. I think you can work with that. Look at Jennygirl, she did and she has done wonderfully with that. Please, do not be depressed. Opportunity doesn't come bearing roses that often.
I'm taking apart what you father said. I think he and I are about the same age so I can do that. I'm also transitioning. I hope I see both sides.
"Whether right or wrong, transforming the body is looked down upon by the majority and will limit your options going forward." Transforming your body is looked down on my some; I don't really know how many and there will be problems. Your options will be more limited. The unemployment numbers for transgendered individuals is double the rest of the population. You will most likely have problems as a result. It's the truth.
"You are at a critical junction in your life and taking this decision will make the road very difficult." Yep, you are. Now is the time to explore. Now is not the time to commit. There is a lot ahead of you before you make the crucial decisions. Transition is about becoming: becoming aware of yourself and taking steps to bring who you are inside in-line with your physical being. That may or may not be female. Either is great if you take the time to discover what is what.
"He has asked me to cancel both my flight to California for HRT" Why are you flying to CA? It is best if someone is close. I think you could fly there and start when you are ready. The trip is to get a prescription and information. Also, you need a letter from your pshyc. If you have that, you are further along than things read and canceling a flight probably isn't needed.
"stop trying to manipulate my voice". I went to a professional who deals with helping transgendered men and women with their voice. Somewhere in there, we discovered I have a fantastic singing voice. Manipulate all you want but do so in such a way that you do not damage your voice. There is a lot here on Susan's about voice training. Check out some of that.
Concentrate 100% on school/job, get my house prepared to sell, and keep ALL my career choices open." Not bad advice but you will end up a workaholic. This year, I missed over two months of work for doctor appointments and a surgery. I also never missed a deadline. I had no late projects. I had several letters of appreciation for my quality of work. I also had three letters from division vice presidents supporting me for a promotion. I got that promotion and a new position within my company. I did incredible. All while I started HRT, came out to my family, coworkers, ran a successful business outside work and laid plans for the surgeries in 2014 so that at this time next year I will be the woman I was born to be. I'm also tired. lol It's possible. Do what needs to be done and keep the job and school center in your life. Transitioning is in part a passive process. You also need to manage time. But, if it is right for you, it is possible.
"After this request he states that I need to continue forward without any added complications and see what life will bring." He is correct in part in that this will bring complications. I made a plan and kept adjusting it as things came in and out. I also made a decision tree (if this, then I'll do that and if not this, then I'll do something else). Then, I adjusted it as things came in or out.
"He stated his concern about how I am more comfortable being by myself and avoiding social situations and spend too much time in fantasy games (where I portray myself as female). "It is OK to fantasize about all kinds of scenarios, you just need to make sure to ground them against the norm. You owe yourself the chance to have a normal social life (i.e. get out of the house) in a new area without all the pressure you are putting on yourself." Sounds like great reasons to explore who and what you are. If you are female on the inside, what you are going though IS the norm.
"Once you have more time on your hand, get out and experiment with the feelings you are having. This can easily be done without changing your body or voice."You have worked too hard to jump right into another up-hill battle. I wish you would have felt comfortable talking about this with me in the past, but I want to make sure we keep an open dialog going forward. Please do yourself a VERY BIG FAVOR and put the appointment on hold and stay with your wonderful voice for now." By talking with a psych about this, I think you have explored. But the last parts seem nothing but concern and probably love.
The analytical part – you seem to be doing just that. Analyzing, experimenting, arriving at conclusions and taking action on those conclusions. Then, you are going the next step. It seems your father is just behind on the learning curve. He may need your help with that.
I'm a PhD Chemist – analytical and inorganic as well as a molecular toxicologist. Few are more analytical. But there is a LOT of smart people who transition. It is far harder than I would have thought. But I keep going on because it's who and what I am. I would encourage you to find out who and what you are. Success is finding out and taking appropriate action, not in a specific outcome. I would add that before you start HRT, bank some sperm. Life is strange and unforeseen things happen. You could become a wonderful woman, meet a wonderful woman and want children. You could also start HRT and decide this isn't for you. I don't know what tomorrow will bring. It's cheap insurance.
I wish you well.
Hugs,
Jen
