Nothing worse that my body having a response to being flirted and sexually receptive, all because of the testosterone running again, while my dysphoria peaks.
I truly wanted to be with that guy, he even said the magic words about what I most like in an intimate relationship, but the feeling of having a man crawling inside and trying to reach my brain and kill my female persona again inside me kills everything. When I started sweating uncontrollably and my arousal happened at that spot, I closed everything.
I'm shutting myself away from dating sites and whatever until estrogen makes its effect again. This is what I have wished for months, to be proposed and found attractive by a man, even if it is only for a few days in the christmas holidays. I want to cry, but only rage is coming out from my insides. Curse the testosterone..
