We all began as unprogrammed helpless infants.
We will all end up almost as helpless if we live long enough.
We all have the chance to be ignorant and young, clueless and without wisdom gained from experience.
As we get older, we tend to get set in our ways, stubborn even and in too many cases we suffer from habits that get increasingly harder to break.
Those of us that make it to 30 experience what it feels like to no longer be a frantic young adult seeking for something to accomplish.
Those of us that make it to 40 experience the first stages of life telling you that you are no longer young.
Then 50 arrives, and they start to tell you that you have nothing wrong with you, you are just getting older.
60 arrives and you start to slow down in almost every way. You start thinking in terms of what to do with your last years.
70 and 80 look about the same. And you start to notice you are becoming more and more alone, as more and more of the people you grew up with are increasingly no longer alive.
I have seen the stages my mother have gone through, and she is now 80. She wears adult diapers, she is more baggage now than now in the same way an infant is something to carry. In her case she needs a stroller and you simply don't expect her to move very fast.
90 somethings do exist, and in some cases they are still quite active. So what, that's like saying some 20 year olds are drop dead gorgeous, but they are not the norm.
The above stages come to ALL of us, and it is not relevant if you are TG or something more boring.
So much of my life, it is inescapably tied to life stages I am NOT going to be getting away from.
My mother does not wear make up. Too much fuss, too little reason for it. She has a face that has 80 years on it, and a lot of beauty products were made for the young.
But she does enjoy her weekly visit to the salon. Ok the fact that she can't wash her own hair because getting in the tub is beyond her mobility is the main reason. But she enjoys looking 'presentable' as any woman might.
I hate it when my hair is not presentable too. I am not sure I really NEED make up beyond covering up the shadow. I am no spring chicken either.
She likes a bit of jewellery, but it is rare she has a day where there is any need of it.
I am only slightly ahead of her in this reality.
It is true, I wish I could wear a sexy bikini at the beach. I also wish I could look like a teenager too I suppose. Nope, not going to happen.
My mother never goes swimming due to bladder grief. She has no need of a swim suit. Me, well aside from the local pool there simply is no where for me to go swimming. There are no beaches in reach and I am not going to expend effort getting to the few lame beaches in range.
I simply will never appear on a tropical paradise location. I have no need to care if I will ever own ANY form of feminine beach attire really.
Odds are I will just have to contend with how at best I would look like an old woman that is unable to accept her age. It isn't easy to grow old gracefully for anyone.
It is indeed truely annoying, but, I wander the stores and the horrible truth is, I always find myself liking clothing in the same stores my mom shops in. The trendy stores are for the young. I seem more inclined to like clothing aimed at older women.
I think over all, that is actually more depressing than having trouble finding clothes in my size. Not to mention, older women well they also spread out a bit more than girls in their youth. I actually find it probably more likely I will find acceptable fashions in her stores than in trendy locations.
What is my meandering point in this post?
When considering your circumstances, and being TG, whether it is MTF or FTM, a lot of what you will be dealing with, WILL be relevant to you based on your age category in ways you might not have realized.
I have no useful advice for a teen. That is now 30 years ago for me. All my experiences are so out of date as to be pointless in most cases.
I can't discuss jobs and working, I have no idea what the current workforce for a 20 something is even like. I sure can't really tell you what it will be like going from being thought of as male to being identified as female in the job search game.
My son is 19, I am done raising him. I can't really get too into expressing how to handle taking your kids to school as a mom looking dad. I can't really help you coping with being one of two parents that look the same gender.
And I sure can't really give too much counsel on what to say to parents as a teen in this world. It doesn't look at all like the world I grew up in.
I've been married near 30 years now. It isn't the same as having been married 3-5 years and dealing with not being what your spouse thought they were getting. Right now, the biggest issue in my relationship, is fears of being alone and old. I'm not dealing with how to have a baby, and the trouble of what being the male role in a life where one wishes to be female will feel like. There's no panic in my life to decide to have or not have kids. It's already a long since past stage in my life now. I don't need to care about custody, my son will do what HE feels like doing. He doesn't actually HAVE to listen to my demands.
TG advice needs to be given knowing that some times, the advice will simply be of no value if given to someone of the wrong age category.
Some advice actually isn't automatically ageless. I'm mainly interested in getting rid of my sex life. It's annoying, it is tiring, and I have no need of an ability to reproduce at this age. I don't need a functioning vagina, I'd be happy to just get rid of the oh too functional penis. I am not really looking for ANY form of relationship if my wife passes before me. To me, a companion would be just that, someone to spend the day with. In some ways, I suppose a dog would be adequate
So I have more or less progressed to an age, where the label of hetero, or homo, or bi, it doesn't really matter. I'm not interested in sex. I am more likely to worry over your hobbies.
When learning what it is to be TG, my advice, make it known precisely what age you are. Put it in your details. It helps us to give you comments that will have worthy meaningful relevance. If you are 25, chances are a person that is 20-30 will be able to give you a better handle on what you might be dealing with. I won't. When I was 20, my main concern was actually the Cold War eh. I was recently out of uniform, and that mattered to me.
Today, I find myself pondering things like, when will I need to consider a place to stay that is relevant to my years. I have wondered if I should move into my mother's building when my son scores his first job and gets his own place. This place has too many stairs. 1 flight by the way is too many in my case. It's not to be closer to mom, it's because I happen to be too similar to mom
I'm not worried about how I will be perceived by co workers, I am wondering if the old ladies will consider me one of them.
I see a lot of myself in my mother. She wakes, spends most of her day in her night gown puttering away at whatever in the apartment. Her trips out are modest in frequency and in duration. And to be honest, I think I have been acting like a 40 year old too much to my detriment. I spent the week before Christmas baking like I was a 30 year old housewife. My feet are entirely pissed with me as they know the truth. I'm living in a body that might was well be 60 if not 70. My birth certificate, it has more than just the wrong gender code on it, it is also not very realistic on age as well.
I have wondered, if my getting my name changed is worth the cash. 137 bucks will buy me a lot of things I can use a lot more.
Everyone calls me Les, so whether it is spelled Leslie or Lesley seems kinda pointless. And no one ever calls me Leslie Robert so I don't expect to hear Lesley Roberta much if ever as well (aside from people using it to quote me on a forum).
Name changes, that is something for a young person who likely will spend a lot of times in a great many years signing it to important documents.
The only documents in my life of worth, are on things best left not screwed with. I do NOT fuss with my pension for anything. I don't care what name goes on my income tax paper work. When I am dead, they can write whatever they want on the grave
It is my plan to start using Mrs even if no one cares. I plan to call myself a wife even if it only matters to me. The whole pronoun thing, I wish it was the way I want, but it is about the ONLY part of being TG that seems to have any real utility for me. Maybe I will simply just stop 'hearing' anything incorrect. I will refer to myself as a sister, and not care if anyone experiences confusion (not my problem). I will mention myself as Aunt Lesley and it isn't like family will not know it is me. I am not overly interested in getting annoyed with my son calling me dad. I wish mom would introduce me as her daughter, but I am just glad she is still alive to talk too.
This May I hope I can find something nice to wear to my niece's wedding, but I know this much, at the end of the day, when back at the hotel room, I will be relaxing in a night gown
I will be Aunt Lesley in all the ways I consider important.
