New name, new outlook, new waiting game.

[BeefxCake]

So i havent posted anything in a long while. But a lot of big things have been happening!

I believe I've settled on a name. Grey. Its a name i keep looping back to when im looking at other names as a comparison. And is also what my mom would have named me if i were born biologically male. I plan on having my new batch of professors call me by my new name( dunno if thats a bad idea or not but there are quite a few trans people at my university i doubt they'd give me sh*t)

Still havent decided on my middle name though. Its between Jean( my current one (( and funny because the inversed x men reference))) and Jarkko ( my dads middle name ) i still have time to think over that i guess


Also i start T in May! I could start febuary but im deciding against it because i live in a dorm right now. And next summer ill be living at home all year.

Im so stoked if not also terrifyed. Im so excited to feel like a human being its great.

Also i've really come to embrace some of my femme side, there are things i know no amount of therapy and T can change in me and i've just come to accept it as who i am. Im a guy and yeah i collect dolls and like cute sh*t. So what? They make me happy, it doesnt affect anyone. And its something i always thought would be my barrier to not transition but screw that. I like my cute crap and I'm a guy, im grey. I cant change that, nor do i really want to.

As far as relationships go, my lady friend i had deep feelings for ran off to do a mission for her church. Which has left me very depressed. I miss her so much. My therapist says i need to move on, and i agree with her somewhat. Shes lds and i will never be lds and im trans, im just asking for a hard time even if we do hook up. So slowly i've been recoooerating from that.

Also i came out to my super rad grandma. She didnt even care i was trans and embraces it so well, she already refers to me as her favorite guy and i couldnt be happier with the sheer amount of support i've had so far. Not one negative reaction, i know i am a very lucky man.

So yeah long post, sorry, just a massive update i suppose. I feel so much better knowing myself more, feeling more confident about my decisions. Really things could not be better.

[LordKAT]

Good news! also good to hear from you and know you are still around.

[Lauren5]

I don't know about your school, but my school has what they call a preferred name policy, so if yours has something like that, you could have it changed, and you don't have to go through having to tell each and every one of your professors, every staff member you meet, and it'd just be on your student ID.

Another thing that you could look into if you wanted to start T earlier is, at least on my campus, gender neutral housing. Another thing to look into, unfortunately I couldn't get into it, but I feel it'd make me feel a lot more comfortable.

Good luck to you with all your stuff at school, Grey.

[BeefxCake]

oh yeah I'll have to look into that, i bet my school does they're all about being lgbt friendly.

as far as dorms go i live in a Co-ed dorm. both guys and girls live on my floor and i would totally stay and whatnot but the entire floor is already aware i use teh girls room. and some seem kind of confused when i go in there (i pass pretty ok though im pre everything i don't have boobs, my hairs cut kinda boyish and i dress in guys clothes (( and it's great some people will gender me correctly and not "correct" themselves.))) but i feel it would be awkward to all of a sudden start socially transitioning when they all know me. may works out better in many ways and then i have about 4 month on T before i go back to school, and hopefully by then there are some noticeable changes.

because eventually i do plan on being stealth. I don't want to say i don't like being trans, but for me I'm a man, there is no reason for me to label myself trans and it's also none of anyone elses business if I used to be a woman.

so i would just opt for the more seamless route and start in may.

[Lauren5]

I agree with you there, I'm being pressured to go full time at school now, while npt starting HRT for at least a month more. I want to do it, but I feel like it'd be easier to just come back mext school year as female rather than try to deal with it now.
I live on a coed floor too, but it's really frystrating because the wings, which are men's, are separated from the centre, which is women's, by doors. I live on just one side of the door, and it's really frustrating having to check to make sure no one sees me locking a men's dorm.
And I need more shoes and clothes before I go full time.

[BeefxCake]

Yeah my floor is coed but there arent specific wings. My dorm is directly in front of the mens room. And my neighbors are all guys on my left and a few girls on my right.

We're pretty mixed.

Yeah i also need some more clothes before i go full time... Hopefully christmas will be kind. XD

[Lauren5]

Yeah my floor is coed but there arent specific wings. My dorm is directly in front of the mens room. And my neighbors are all guys on my left and a few girls on my right.
We're pretty mixed.
Yeah i also need some more clothes before i go full time... Hopefully christmas will be kind. XD

If you're 6'3" and wear a size 11-13 (men's) shoe, I'll gladly trade with you

[BeefxCake]

ha! i wish, im only 5'10" wear a mens 7 in shoes. I'm a little dude. I fit comfortably in a mens medium though.

(lol my sister and mom took all my dresses and previous things for themselves anyway. all i have left is my meager mens wardrobe )

[Lauren5]

Dangit, those are all my good tshirts! The ones that fit decently in the shoulders!
I have very feminine shoulders, fortunately. I need a small in width for them, but a large or XL in length.
And you're not short. In fact, you'd be the tallest in my dad's family. The tallest one is 5'9", but claims to be 6'. I passed him up when I was nearly 14, and 5'9".
Sorry it didn't quite work out.
Just wondering, if you feel it OK to say, what university do you go to? I'm at MSU. Rose Bowl bound!

[BeefxCake]

I'm at ASU, place is way big but not bad so far. people are friendly and generally openminded about everything. good staff too the professors i've had are generally nice and enjoy their jobs.

lol thanks. I don't think I'm too short, 5'10 isn't a bad height for a guy, i just hang out with too many big guys, they make me feel short, but im pretty average. and im not even on T yet who knows maybe ill get a little bigger.

It's just odd though, a guy might be shorter than me but look so much bigger, just because i have a pretty narrow frame.   (the injustice of it all)

[Lauren5]

If you're under 22, there's a good chance you could tack on an inch or two. Male growth usually lasts until then.
Just a little hope for you

[BeefxCake]

Aww yeah that is some hope xD. My dad is 6'4"

Would be nice to come up to at least his nose...but yeah im not 22 for a few years.(only 19 )

[Lauren5]

Aww yeah that is some hope xD. My dad is 6'4"

Would be nice to come up to at least his nose...but yeah im not 22 for a few years.(only 19 )

I can't wait to get on AAs because I don't want to risk growing anymore, although it's only been about 2 inches in the last 4 years, I'm already too tall, unless I take up modelling or shelf reaching as a career.

[BeefxCake]

Ha, lets just trade, i would like that problem xD taller would be great (for me)

Hey you could be like that one model , her name escapes me but shes a trans lady (quite gorgeous i might add xD) pretty sure shes over 6 foot

[Lauren5]

That new Victoria's secret model? That'd be pretty cool.

My parents hinted at it, but then mentioned being an underwear model for Calvin Klein.
I just wanted to yell "have you forgotten everything I've said? Do you think I'm joking and not going to go through with it?" and walk away.
Looking back, I should have.

[aleon515]

ha! i wish, im only 5'10" wear a mens 7 in shoes. I'm a little dude. I fit comfortably in a mens medium though.

(lol my sister and mom took all my dresses and previous things for themselves anyway. all i have left is my meager mens wardrobe )

Maybe you miswrote that, but 5'10" isn't a little dude, I think it's average unless you are in Norway.

--Jay

[BeefxCake]

Well thanks jay, thats a confidence boost. Perhaps i just feel small cuz i hang around to many big guys.

I have it good though, i know im taller than a lot of guys and girls.

[aleon515]

If you are white in the US you are 1/2" short I guess, but you are right within the US average, which I guess is pretty much close enough. You can tell from this that even in the US there a range in the average. But yes, you are average and not short. (I am short at 5'1".)

But here is the wiki entry:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_height


--Jay

[BeefxCake]

oh yeah guess im right in the average there.

sweet.

actually i discovered today when im out shopping i will usually get gendered right and called sir without really trying too hard to pass. i don't bind, and im not on t yet, but it's happened 3 times the past few days. they get a little flustered once they hear my voice and it's obviously female. i don't correct them then they get all 'im so sorry ma'am.'. it won't last forever but it's definitely an awkward chunk of transition for me. not quite passing but obviously not really girl. this andro middle state is driving me nuts. can't wait to transition.