estrogen and the feeling of completeness

[stephaniec]

I don't know how others mentally and physically react to estrogen, but I feel some thing that I've longed for since child hood. I've always felt some thing missing both mentally and physically as I've lived my life. Its like that study mentioned in another thread about the physical differences in the brain between males  and mtf's and the similarities between mtf's and female brain's. ever since starting HRT I've felt so much better both mentally and physically. The most similar analogy I can think of is being iron deficient for a long time. I've always know I should of been female. My physical changes thankfully are progressing quite well. I'm starting to experience what I've dreamt about for so long. It's fantastic to experience real breasts, It was so frustrating all those years to pretend I had breasts . This is probably a non-essential post . but I wanted to get it out of my system. We've all had such similar experience's growing up. I was just thinking if our experience with estrogen was the same too. The changes on estrogen are also making me aware that others see the changes. I've been on HRT for 4 months.

[Tori]

I went five weeks, waiting for it to happen.

Then BAM!

Happy for the last five days. Giddy. Joyous. Weeeee!!!!

Caught me off guard, but when it hit, it hit hard. So hard I can not imagine turning back. More than that, I no longer know the quick path to being my sad old self. This is me now. Get used to it.

Great to see someone else catch the happy bug.

[Jessica Merriman]

Before, I felt my internal engine was running on saltwater (T). With (E) on board I felt like I was running with the highest quality engine oil possible.

[Ms Grace]

I felt great almost from the first moment...this time around. First time though I have to say I can't recall having any positive emotional outcome, and in fact my mood got worse and worse. So it's odd. Had I felt this way back then I might never have stopped.

[Eva Marie]

Before E I was morose, sad, emotionless, timid, afraid, depressed, drunk, and hopeless. I didn't want to do anything at all except dive into the bottle every night. I was just going through the motions of life, and everything was dull and drab and gray. I really saw no point in living life.

I have been on full strength HRT since Oct 8th and boy has my world changed. There are colors now where there was gray before. I am positive, happy, hopeful, very emotional, and I want to get out and experience new things/everything. I write long letters now when before it was a short email at the most. I have empathy where before there was none. I can't shut up

Life is to be lived and I want to squeeze every drop out of it I can.

I like the new me a lot better than the old me.

[Azahara]

I believe I started to experience what you describe after a few weeks on E.  It just felt right.  I could feel my nipples getting sore, colors were more vivid, it seemed like I was starting to feel my emotions more deeply or perhaps just in a fundamentally different way....it was wonderful.  Now if only truly horrendous outside circumstances hadn't prevented me from stopping...gosh...if I hadn't been forced to stop after only a month, I would've been on E/anti-androgen for nearly 14 months now... *sigh*  oh well....life happens, there's no other way it could've played out.  I needed more soul searching time and to recover emotionally from a tremendous bipolar manic episode.

on the bright side, although I'm not on HRT now, I know beyond a doubt that it's what I want, I know who I am...things were pretty unclear and muddy when you have extreme gender dysphoria and severe bipolar disorder at the same time....the bipolar stuff just needed to be sorted out before moving forward.  anyway I'm ranting now...E was absolutely wonderful, and yes, I did have feelings of completeness while I was on it.

[kathyk]

After about two months I felt an inner calm, and what you call complete I felf as comfort.  I was finally really happy, and had comfort in myself and why I had to transition.  Oh I still got moody and broke down once in a while, but that's what women do.   

[stephaniec]

Before, I felt my internal engine was running on saltwater (T). With (E) on board I felt like I was running with the highest quality engine oil possible.

yea both mentally and physically you feel the difference. I know for so long I felt the overcast skies. the bleak future, the wondering what was wrong with me. Now ,there's sunshine and hope. It's fun to have a future.

[Jill F]

E was the proverbial magic bullet for me.  I felt much better two hours after my very first dose.  If I had known what it would do for my mental state, I would have taken it ages ago instead of trying every drug under the sun.

I'll say it one more time-  You will pry my E from my cold, dead hand.