Parents won't use my preferred name

[Anna++]

I'm curious... once you legally change your name, can people who refuse to use your new name be held in contempt of court? (yes, I know this would be a bit extreme)

[stephaniec]

I'd just like to tell you that I'm sorry for you situation especially being it's your parents. It would be a little easier if it was siblings . You look woman from your picture. As  others have suggested probably the only way is to confront them. They are your parents and you've known them quite a while. As Cindy said lay down the law. I've notice that Cindy Has a very profession attitude about her.

[Miranda Catherine]

Sit down with them, have a talk. Ask politely for them to use your name and pronouns correctly, and if they say no, ask them why not. It probably won't be a good reason.
I think that's probably the best course of action.

I agree with Willow. My mom and virtually all my relatives still call me by my old name, Randi, because it would have been my name anyway, if I was born a girl. Also, my chosen name, Miranda, has Rand in it, anyway. The thing I don't like is that my mom's been slipping with the pronouns a lot lately, and though I know it's definitely accidental, I said yesterday, Christmas morning, 'enough with the "he's" and "him's" mom, it's embarrassing!" And she got pretty mad, because she had a stroke a little more than a year ago, and said something like, ">-bleeped-<, Randi! I'm trying." I never speak angrily toward her making those mistakes, because I was her 'son' (Ha!!) for 57 years. My mom, immediately upon my living full time, 27 months now, began trying to call me 'she' and 'her', but since her stroke she's slipping and I feel like a bitch having chastised her like that.

Ida, just sit down and tell them that you're NEVER going back and that you've got enough problems just trying to find your role in society as a new woman and you need their help in making your way. If they refuse to respect you and your life, more drastic steps might be in order. I'd make sure they know you're never going back to existing as a man, when you're finally living as a woman. Hugs, Merry belated Christmas, and good luck. Mira

[Jill F]

It took mine about 8 months to finally come around.  It takes time to process this.

I had to give people a temporary pass this Christmas.  Next year the gloves come off.

[MadeleineG]

I just want to warn anyone that tries this method that things can easily backfire.  When I tried to give my sister a taste of her own medicine, she started to refer to me as the transsexual instead using female pronouns.  I wouldn't try this because people really don't see things when you give it back.  Usually, they get more angry and spiteful.

I'm sorry to hear this. For the record, I wasn't suggesting it earnestly. I agree that actually doing this is likely to raise tensions rather than lowering them. That being said, asking the person how they'd feel if you did it might have a positive impact.

Empathy: hard stuff to manufacture. 

[RobinGee]

I chose Robin as I can pretend that Rob is short for Robin.

[JordanBlue]

It took mine about 8 months to finally come around.  It takes time to process this.

I had to give people a temporary pass this Christmas.  Next year the gloves come off.

I agree 100% 

[livinit]

I'm so sorry, Ida. We all have to deal with such issues. I feel most vulnerable when visiting home. I'm 24 months out from my name change, hormones for three years..but still, I had many of the same problems this Christmas: Mother misgendering and using my old name in front of my bf and visitors. Visitors misgendering me frequently (some visitors have only known me as female, never as male!). My former name spilling out during incidental and unnecessary conversation. Me not responding to 'he' comments directed to me. By Christmas evening, I felt frustrated, defensive, and hammered down.

For the record, my little brother works very hard to assist me with conversational 'deflections', though. He's been very cooperative and kind. Sometimes an ally helps if you can find one.

I'm going to be using some of the suggestions above.

[Allyda]

I too am very sorry this is happening to you Ida. As someone else said unfortunately we all go through this to some extent. I though feel you have an advantage because your parents still want you in their lives. In over 24 years I haven't been invited to any family event during the holidays or otherwise. I got cards, some guifts in boxes, and some money this Christmas -no invitations. This is why I say give them a little more time while focusing on the positive they do still want you in their lives. As a woman who's had no physical contact with her mother for over 24 years, hasn't even seen her in over that, and couldn't even write her a letter for over 17 years I can say from experience it hurts and that you don't want to go issuing ultimatums or trying reverse psychology. Give them a few more months. Then if after that time they still haven't come around sit down with them alone and explain to them how this is hurting you while reassuring them you love them just the same. Let them know that not using your name and the correct pronouns is also disrespectful. And that all you are asking of them is to give you the same respect they give everyone else. If that doesn't work then I would politely decline a few invitations politely explaining to them you've made other plans with your friends (whether you have or not). Then, once you've done this a few times and you can tell they are sincerely dissappointed by your not attending family events tell them why but politely and reiterate to them your friends accept you as a woman and your not hurt emotionally by disrespect in their presence. -I thnk you get the idea of what I'm trying to say. Also as someone else pointed out it would help to have an alli within your family.

I hope what I've said here helps rather than confuses. I just know from experience reverse psychology and ultimatums aren't the way to handle this.

All my hopes
Hugs,
Ally

[izzy]

I am sorry they disrespect you your family either is going to accept you slowly or may never accept your new name. I think the fact that they talk you is a sign they love you. But they may never accept your transition. My family made it clear to me if I transition they don't want to see me.

[Lana P]

My brother accepted me but as for my father he took the longest to come around. My mother was not to bad but they did slip up here and there even after a year went by they would slip up. In all honesty they have gone forever or for ever how long you were the gender before you switched now they have to change everything. And it can't be easy for them to do over night let alone with in a few months. Some parents will never accept it and some will right away but for the parents who take time don't give up on them just yet.