GD & Mood Disorders?

[Azahara]

Disclaimer:  If you aren't familiar with the psychiatric terms used or psychotropic medications and their actual meanings/effects, please no ignorant comments about them from the peanut gallery! kthx 

So, hello everyone.  I was diagnosed Bipolar Type 2 about 4 years ago and then spent the next 3 years basically going a few weeks really depressed then a week or so with hypomanic systems and then depressed, back and forth.  It made college life absolutely hell and caused numerous class withdrawals and Incomplete Courses and eventually a medical leave from university and then a complete withdraw, putting my bachelor's on indefinite hold.

Now unfortunately my bipolar illness has really affected my transition.  I started on hormones late September of 2012, had a wonderful experience with them for a few weeks, but then suffered a severe manic episode, leading to full on psychosis and an extended hospital stay.  It was so severe that I have absolutely no memory of 3 of the 4 weeks I spent in hospital.  Of course, I had been off my bipolar medications for a few months prior to go on hormones (and had felt fine! which reinforced my false belief that I didn't need the meds anymore...surely other people can relate to this feeling of not wanting to believe they need to take medication to alright mentally), so that along with the HRT must have combined for a pretty spectacular manic episode.  Yay for me. 

Almost needless to say, I had to immediately stop taking hormones and this combined with having to move back home to live with my parents caused a massive depression that last for just over 8 months, nearly completely debilitating me and leaving me at times bed ridden but mostly just house-ridden.  Now thankfully due to a better med combination I'm feeling much better but during my depression I ended up feeling so upset and lost over not being able to continue my transition that I eventually told my close ones and relatives that I wanted to be called by my male name again, because frankly every time I heard my chosen female name it hurt me deeply inside for lack of being able to be her and move on.

But now that I'm feeling stable and content, I'd like to start the transition process again.  The thing is I have fears of family reactions...although I suppose they are the same ones that I had the first time I came out to them.

Anyway, just wanted to share my experience.  Does anyone else have experience with GD & a mood disorder diagnosis?  Any similar experiences?

[stephaniec]

Well. I tell you my story. I've had severe dysphoria  since 4 years old. I'll skip the yearly years to get to where you are right now. When I started college I was a basket case .I had just gone through a period of severe lsd use . I got to school about a year into going a teacher approached me suggesting I see the school psychologist. I was severely anorexic and they were worried I guess I was starving to death. I'm glad they intervened because I would of died. I started seeing the school psychiatrist and they put me on anti psychotic and anti depressants. Needless to say my school work suffered .I was an A ,B student but once I started the meds I was barely doing C's. Underneath all these problem's was the dysphoria. The dysphoria took a lot longer to open up about, Its was quite severe. I got the drug problem taken care of but, not the severe depression and dysphoria.
I went to other universities and got my self a good education , but I was crippled mentally by the Dysphoria. I couldn't focus on a career . At the university I spent the most years at I'd see a psychologist once a week I did this  for 4 years and every session I had I'd cry so hard because I was so hurt inside and didn't Know how to fix it. Luckily I was still able to do school work but not how I wanted to. My problem was that I couldn't open up about being female. It took me until recently to transition. I wish I could of gone to school with out this problem because it did effect me quite a lot . I just want to say don't give up in school you can do it. Transitioning is something you know in your heart if you need to do it or not.

[Azahara]

thanks for your reply Stephanie.  I really appreciate it.

Oh, as to finishing school, I plan to.  In fact I'm taking 2 courses this semester (they start in 2 weeks!) at a local community college.  I then plan to take some more courses in the summer, then the fall, and then transfer all of them back to my original university and graduate from there.

thanks again

[stephaniec]

good luck, I always loved school