X

[Yasmine]

X

[Adam (birkin)]

Definitely. I took a long time to pass too so it gave me a blow to my self-image...but there were people who knew me before who were like "yeah, I don't see any difference!" when there clearly was because society was entirely different towards me. As you said, the moment I knew I was passing was not in how people responded, but in how they DIDN'T respond and I started to feel like I blended in more.

[Carrie Liz]

I just had an experience where a stranger was gendering me female, but my uncle wasn't even paying attention, and started off into this big chat with me about how "you're a young man now," not even remotely aware of the fact that someone else was gendering me female, or that he should even care, oblivious to the fact that I was attempting to pass as female. My mom did exactly the same thing, always introducing me to people as her "son," and I had to explain to her "Mom, you're outing me to people the instant we meet them. You're not even giving me a chance to pass as a girl."

Old habits die hard.

[Adam (birkin)]

I don't know if those who knew us before ever really see us as our new gender (in some rare cases). I think my mom has stopped seeing me as 100% female as time goes on, but she doesn't see me the same as my cis brothers. I think she just sees me as...this genderless individual lol.

[Adam (birkin)]

How do you cope being around people who don't see you as YOU? I really don't know how to do it anymore..

For a long time I didn't, I just suffered. After 3 years I got to the point where I said to my family "look, I know this is an adjustment for you, but I don't feel comfortable going to gatherings if I'm not referred to by the right name." Them using the right name and pronouns has made it easier even though I know they don't fully get it.

[iconoclast]

Well yeah is hard for people who don't know about Transsexualism to grasp how you're actually female regardless of your birth sex. They may think it's elective or you're somehow less female than others, they don't realize how it's driven by pain rather than desire. It's kind of expected that people who knew you as male will have a harder time accepting it than someone who met you as female.

[LordKAT]

Not as likely if they are around you all the time, then a photo comparison can be the only thing that shows the difference.

[JRD]

Even though I won't claim passing as anything but myself, I can say that most that knew me pre-everything don't ignore the fact that I've transitioned. Many use terms of endearment they only use with women with me and the rest I just make nervous, lol. A few, mostly older people, still screw up sometimes on pronouns, but then too, I notice they'll screw up on other people as well, so its not all me. 

[monica93304]

Well yeah is hard for people who don't know about Transsexualism to grasp how you're actually female regardless of your birth sex. They may think it's elective or you're somehow less female than others, they don't realize how it's driven by pain rather than desire. It's kind of expected that people who knew you as male will have a harder time accepting it than someone who met you as female.

That is right on the money.

[noeleena]

Hi

Age has a bearing on myself at age 10 i did not like how i looked then and now is no different. so the before  and after     does not apply in my case, people who knew and still do 56 years ago know what i am and ill allways be reconised , im just one of those male/ female type male facial features,  body is good more female than male i dont try to blend in or pass.

the comment made to me 3 years ago was one of you must have been a handsome looking male  i said yes i spos so, and thats where it stoped, my looks are my downfall .

im not bothered  because im a mix of both male female so after all said and done im still female in many other ways, and accepted as such,  its not all bad news in many ways it has helped me in many aspects of my life, so passing really does not enter into my life,

...noeleena...

[Janae]

I had a similar experience like Carrie Liz's.

I wanted to prove to my mother that my going out in woman's clothes @ 16 wasn't just for "fun". She was going to a appreciation dinner at this giant reception hall and invited me. At the last minute before we were leaving I ran through my closet put on a new outfit, fixed my make up, and put on my new wig. This was all pre hrt. When she saw me she just decided to roll with it and see where things went. When we arrived we were seated at table with about 7 other people. Everyone was introducing themselves and my mother was about to say "My name is and this is my son etc" I interjected and introduced myself as her daughter. The entire evening no one was the wiser. When we were driving home my mother simply couldn't understand how I was passing. This happened about 10 different times as a teen and every she couldn't understand how I passed. I had to explain that she's my mother so to some degree she'll always be biased because she knows me. But to other people all they see is a young woman.

[Ltl89]

This thread intrigues me because I've had the opposite reaction.  My family  seems to have noticed the changes.  Yes, there are plenty of put downs and denial phrases, but they have acknowledged the changes that hormones made for me.  Both of my sisters and my mother reacted very openly to my chest development and other bodily changes.  That being said, they really treat me pretty much the same and try to give any of it attention.  It's like they see the changes, but refuse to allow any of it to register in hopes this will all go away.  In my own eyes, I think the change is slow and not overly drastic, but then  looking at photos I see a substantial difference.  It's a whole waiting game.  IF you are looking for changes and eagerly expecting it, you won't always see it or notice the build up. But if you aren't actively looking for the changes and ignore it, sometimes the subtle changes hit and surprise you.  Just my experience.

[suzifrommd]

Basically my question is: is it normal that people who knew you pre everything more or less ignore the fact that you transitioned?

Yes. I learned early on not to expect cis people to have ANY IDEA what this means to us.

[Cindy]

This prompted a thought and a reflection. I get the occasional glance but it is a glance and from women. No one cares. That has been the major thing. No one cares.

OK I don't have the looney religions and the bathroom perverts to deal with. I was so frightened, I was so afraid and:

No one cares

I'm just another woman looking for a cute dress and a nice man

No chance of either!

[stephaniec]

I think this is similar to the question. I'm 4 months into transition my changes are enough to be some what noticeable. There is a group of old friends I grew up with that I haven't seen in 20 tears' they keep on trying to get me to meet up some time. The problem is that I know these guys and how they are, Last time I talked to them even though they were adults they hadn't change one bit from  high school. I know they'd see a change and probably come out and say some thing. I doubt they would take my feelings in consideration. They have no idea I'm transgender and to be honest I know how they view transgenders  in a non favorable light. So I know it would be a shock to their system. So right now I just ignore their requests because I don't know how to deal with it.

[Katie]

I wish someone could tell me what this dam P word means to them. Does it mean they can drive their car with a wig on and nobody stares at them?

Does it mean they can walk down the street and nobody stares at them?

Does it mean they can make friends with people without ever  being questioned?

Does it mean they can change in a women's locker room?

Perhaps it really means someone need to really think about if they are a woman or something else. If someone is a woman there is no reason to ask such questions now is there?

Katie

[KittyKat]

For me passing would be just being able to go do things without my massive anxiety. Of course I tend to throw my self into the situations that cause anxiety. Like going out pre everything and then having to get changed to go back to my house because its on any army post and they check Ids at the gate. My wife says no one is looking at me weird but I would like to not feel so scared. Oh well still going to go to the mall today. Can't wait to start hormones and hopefully feel more confident.

[kathyk]

I wish someone could tell me what this dam P word means to them. Does it mean they can drive their car with a wig on and nobody stares at them?

Does it mean they can walk down the street and nobody stares at them?

Does it mean they can make friends with people without ever  being questioned?

Does it mean they can change in a women's locker room?

Perhaps it really means someone need to really think about if they are a woman or something else. If someone is a woman there is no reason to ask such questions now is there?

Katie

It takes a lot of girls months to get past the fear of standing out, the loss of family and friends, or the economic pitfalls that can arise.  I'll admit to being one of them.  But the best medicine, and in my opinon a very good way to feel complete is to go full time.  Almost everyone I know who's gone full time quickly find their worries fade away, and that nothing else really mattered.  You just become the woman you are, and in fact there's a point where a girl cant avoid denying their life and absolutely have to go full time.

But if some of us still struggle, I'll help when I can. 

K

[stephaniec]

I don't really see how it's similair to my question, but if I were you I wouldn't bother meeting them. I ignore as many people as I can from my past life and only put up with the pain/dysphoria of being around a handful of people who knew me before.

I think I need to just let go.

[calico]

To the Op and people who still see them as...

If its family who are the ones who are not really noticing/still referring to you by.. well IMO its somewhat understandable, I only say this at this point because this year after my srs my mother and most my family get it, and well while they are referring to me as a girl and my mom is treating me like my sister now, it has brought up some interesting conversation between my mom and I . as growing up parent/sibling/relative learn who you are and are "conditioned " to seeing you as your old, when you change from him to her or her to him and all the noun, pro-noun's, etc. it can take a bit if not happening at all. The biggest thing to not lose focus on is. do they love you? if so than it will have to be forgivable. even I if you are 100% flawless passable, they love you and that should be all that matters. Of my family I would of thought my mother would have never understood, but after srs it was a total 180 on her part she finally realized how much it meant and that is wasn't a want but a need and that old was really painful, and even traumatic to me.  now my sister on the other hand well she still isn't coming around and thinks that.... well she doesn't really get it, but I excuse her as I know she loves me but is having a hard time understanding me even after 10 years  but the good new is we talk more now and its nice.
point being is if they love you, than forgive them, and let it be. if it happens than it happens if not well... their family