Hearing yourself through the words of others

[ashrock]

Ok, sorry if this starts off a bit rambly, but I do have a question.  Im out to like, everybody in my life (and some not in it, aka parents).  Honestly, right now part of me wants to shove that cat back in the bag, shoot it and throw it in the river, but I know that wont help anything as that way of dealing with it hasnt worked, and I can tell never will for me.  Sooooo, talking to people I keep hearing things like 'You owe it to yourself to try' and other things that sound to me like recommendations to transition, but when I ask point blank, 'Are you saying I should transition?' they say no, they mean I should figure out what I want.  Every song I hear, I keep translating the lyrics into I should.  My question anyone else go through this?  Logically, I dont want this for myself, but everywhere I turn I get undeniable clues...  Is this how people typically connect with their subconscious (reading what they want into things that are unrelated)?

[FalseHybridPrincess]

Why dont you try the opposite approach?

Instead of thinking should I transition,think to yourself "Im NOT gonna transition,im gonna live as a guy , be a father , be a grandfather and die as a guy."
you d want this? no?
then transition and dont waste your time...

kinda like that,,,

(( btw I dont remember if you are mtf or ftm ,,,so what I wrote about living as a guy,,,could be wrong? sorry if it is)

[ashrock]

Why dont you try the opposite approach?

Instead of thinking should I transition,think to yourself "Im NOT gonna transition,im gonna live as a guy , be a father , be a grandfather and die as a guy."
you d want this? no?
then transition and dont waste your time...

kinda like that,,,

(( btw I dont remember if you are mtf or ftm ,,,so what I wrote about living as a guy,,,could be wrong? sorry if it is)

well... eww.... honestly that locks me into depressive state about my current position more than it spurs me on honestly.  Takes me to a bad place... That gives me a pretty succinct answer though.

[suzifrommd]

Is this how people typically connect with their subconscious (reading what they want into things that are unrelated)?

No, not usually.

But transgender is different.

It comes from a strange part of the mind that I'd never had dealings with before. It can't be reasoned with, can't be talked out of it, can't be changed, molded, modified, or influenced in any way. It knows I need to be a woman. Period.

So all thoughts seemed to mold themselves to my thoughts about my gender, so that no matter what I thought about, that thought ended somehow leading me to the idea that I need to be a woman.

A trans friend and I even came up with a term for this: GIP. Gender Identity Preoccupation. When your gender twists every thought you have toward whether you need to transition.

I don't have any answers, Ashrock. In the end I had to transition. Very glad that I did, though.

[Luana]

I asked my self so many times if I really want to transition, then I found this topic that I will paste here:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php?topic=150955.0

I will rewrite what the user "suzifrommd" said.
"I asked how I would feel if I would never be able to act male, feel male, hang with males, and live as a male again.
The answer was that it would be really strange, but I could deal with it.
Then I asked how I would feel if I would never be able to act female, feel female, hang with females, or live as a female.
The answer was that I would feel like a part of me had been cut off.
It was then I knew that, at the core, I was a woman."

Of course, change this accordly if you are a ftm. 

[Rachel]

I definitely hear what I want to hear better than I hear what I do not.

I do not think anyone wants the heartache of coming out to, especially a wife or parents. However, for me I chose to come out. The anguish of not coming out was worse.

HRT scared me to death. The anguish of not starting was horrid. Now I wish I did this many years ago.

I guess each hurdle is barred with fear. I now know this and I know what I want and that fear is healthy. Changing my external sex is not something to do lighthearted. I really thought through life and who I am. Now I look forward to 2014 and the changes happening.

[Jessica Merriman]

The feelings of Gender Dysphoria start subtle, but wow! It is like going from a mouse eating a cookie and grows to Godzilla eating a city. I know in my case the Dysphoria built up so strong over the years you end up with no choice at all in the matter. Transition is necessary and not a choice. If you feel you can live a productive and happy life though, do not transition. Only you can judge whether or not you can live as you are.