coming out

[Alexthecat]

I'm looking for basic explanational papers to give to people.  I know some were posted in topics but I can't find them.

[blink]

Would this help?

http://www.hrc.org/resources/entry/transgender-visibility-guide

It's more a "guide to coming out" but IMO handing/linking somebody this would do the job.

[Alexthecat]

Yeah that helps. Is there anything else good?

The awkward christmas when I get girl stuff and my mom gets me a lunch box embroidered with my girl name... I go by my male name at work where I would take the lunch box...

[Emi]

You already came out to your family, it's good for you. For me, it's more complicated, nobody knows my feelings :/
I can't help you very much but I hope you'll find the way to come out to other people.
(Scuse me if I don't speak english very well, I'm french)

[Alexthecat]

I've only come out to my grandma and aunt, my mom and everyone else has no idea.

[Emi]

Oh, I thought you said it to your mom too.
(Scuse me I didnt understand all your post)

[Emi]

Good luck in becoming who you are really.

[Alexthecat]

Well I came out to my mom. She thinks I'm making the biggest mistake of my life. She knows she can't do anything about it but feels I should wait another year for top surgery. She also thinks it wise to get a car and an education before I put down so much money into surgery. They claim it is unnecessary and that there really isn't anything there in the boob department. But mostly she spouted off a bunch of things that were malinformation. I simply told her to read up on the subject instead of trying to explain everything that was wrong about it. Surprisingly she use to work with a MTF. Though bases it on them already having an education and a way to pay for it all. She also believes that why start if you don't plan to get it all done (penis and everything) and to wait until you have enough saved to get it all done at once.

Though she believes we don't really have a relationship and that is true so I wonder if it is all that worth it to try to get her to understand. Maybe the best way for her to understand is to keep going and just be happy. No way I'm putting off surgery for a year. My binder kills me. Plus it's all paid for already. I am glad I learned of my transness after I left her house. I would of been miserable in it and there is no way she would of let me transition there medically had I of been under 18.

[Simon]

She also thinks it wise to get a car and an education before I put down so much money into surgery.

I'm a huge proponent of education, so I hope you are going that route. However, if you're already out on your own and paying your own way then it's really not her business how you spend your money. I do envy that you live in an area where you can get around without your own vehicle. I'm getting ready to drop a few grand on mine that I'd rather be spending for surgery.

Anyways, you've gotta expect her to be a little up in arms for you to spring this on her just a little over a week before your surgery date. Sounds like she has handled it better than many would. All you can do is try to build a open and honest relationship with her. She probably will need a certain amount of time to adjust to the situation but that is normal. Good luck with your upcoming surgery and happy healing!

[Alexthecat]

Well I live with my grandma and use her car to get to work. I look at it as I would rather the burden of the breasts be peeled away from me then I can put more focus on job and education without so much dysphoria. It was the raising money for surgery that got me back to work after 3ish years of being a recluse.

[Alexthecat]

So grandma has been pushing for me to wait a year. It starts off with "well stop wearing the binder and then get an education". I bet if I did that a year later she would say "see your fine without a binder or surgery". Piss on them, I'm getting it done next week.

[GnomeKid]

So grandma has been pushing for me to wait a year. It starts off with "well stop wearing the binder and then get an education". I bet if I did that a year later she would say "see your fine without a binder or surgery". Piss on them, I'm getting it done next week.

Yea, honestly I'd do it.  Definitely go for education after that, but the thing is you can get loans for education.  You can't for top surgery.  You getting top surgery doesn't effect whether you could start up school in the Fall. (not saying you will, but if you wanted to)  That and you won't be distracted and upset by your boobage while you're in school. 

[David27]

Yea, honestly I'd do it.  Definitely go for education after that, but the thing is you can get loans for education.  You can't for top surgery.  You getting top surgery doesn't effect whether you could start up school in the Fall. (not saying you will, but if you wanted to)  That and you won't be distracted and upset by your boobage while you're in school.

My sister used part of her student loans to cover her boob job. I don't know exactly how she managed to lump it in with them, but it is doable to lump in a procedure not covered by insurance.

[Simon]

My sister used part of her student loans to cover her boob job. I don't know exactly how she managed to lump it in with them

I'm not advising this, but answering the question. When you take out student loans it's at an estimate of how much you need to borrow for the year to afford your education. They don't ask you what the money is for or make you provide proof of what you spent it on. The thing is the money is supposed to go for your education and living expenses during the time that you're getting your education. You're not supposed to use it to buy a new car, house, pay for surgery, or buy entertainment items. Do people do it? Yeah, alllll the time.

[LordKAT]

and yet I couldn't get enough in loans or grants to cover rent, food, and transportation to school and back. They did say the money can be used for those things, freeing other funds for other uses.

[Simon]

and yet I couldn't get enough in loans or grants to cover rent, food, and transportation to school and back. They did say the money can be used for those things, freeing other funds for other uses.

Yeah, it can be used for living expenses and that is what I am doing. Legally I can use it for rent, gas, electricity, etc and then save money from working to go towards surgery. 

[Alexthecat]

She says all that though but mentions mortgaging her house to get a loan for my education. I don't see what the big deal is when I could come up with $6500 in a year on top of paying bills every month. I could come up with close to double that in the next year probably.

[Bimmer Guy]

Hey, Alex.  I'm sorry your family isn't supportive of your surgery.  Although my mother tried to understand, I think she really got stuck/confused by the fact that I don't plan to go on T.  She was quite a downer about the surgery, so I tried to not talk too much about it to her (before AND after the surgery).   She just deflated my excitement.  I don't live with her, so I am in a different situation from you.  I guess I just wanted to say that it stinks that during the time that most would be psyched about surgery, you have people around you discouraging you/not supporting any excitement you might have.

[Alexthecat]

My grandma now says my mom has done a lot of reading online and seems to be in a better state than the day we told her.

[LordKAT]

Good to hear that she is reading and thinking instead of outright dismissing as some do. There is hope when people are open to learning.