Pronouns

[overdrive]

I have really stupid question and I hope I don't offend anyone here by asking this. I'm FTM so am familiar with the correct pronouns to use when referring to trans people, but what is the correct way to address cross dressers? Does the same thing apply that they should be addressed as the sex they are presenting as?  The reason I ask is my cousin does drag shows and I know some of the people are trans and others are cross dressers, I pretty much know who is who but I always try to avoid pronouns when I go to her shows because I don't want to offend anyone or look like an idiot.

[Jamie D]

Usually go with the presentation.

But there are exceptions to the rule.  RuPaul, for instance, is indifferent to pronouns.

Non-binary folks presenting androgynously might prefer gender neutral pronouns.  And when in doubt, just ask the person which they prefer.

[overdrive]

Thanks, I appreciate the response.

[Dierdre Lenore]

I personally am a crossdresser and prefer the male pronouns, so as stated above, it's probably polite to just ask. 
Pansy

[LordKAT]

In that situation I could understand asking. In general, I think it is not such a good idea.

[Sandra M. Lopes]

I would always use the pronoun appropriate to the gender presented as, unless specifically told not to do so. Anything else would be weird for me, in terms of etiquette

Of course there will be exceptions, but anyone being an exception will very likely be used to being addressed by the "wrong" pronoun, and will politely say something like: "I know I look like a female/male but I prefer you to use he/she when addressing me".

[Louise]

I am a crossdresser who prefers pronouns appropriate to the way I am dressed.  Pronouns refer to gender and when I am presenting as feminine I would like others to refer to me as such, even if it is obvious that I am genetically male.

[barbie]

In my language (Korean), we do not frequently use gender-specific pronouns. But, nouns for family relationships are gender-specific.

In English, for example, there is only 'brother'. In Korean, there are three words: one is 'oppa' when a woman calls her elder brother; another is 'hyung' when a man calls his elder brother; the last one is 'dongsaeng' when both men and women call their younger brother or sister. Some women here call me 'eonni' which is used when a younger woman calls her elder sister. Some elder men call themselves as 'oppa'  of me.

Korea is so much densely populated and homogeneous, they consider all Koreans as their relatives, and call each other accordingly. Even some young married women call their husband as 'oppa', causing controversy or fury, as it implies incest. It is fine before marriage, but it causes problem if they continue to keep their habit of calling their lover as 'oppa' after marriage.

barbie~~

[Lyric]

Well, folks who perform publicly are doubtless used to being referred to both genders and it probably doesn't matter to them much. However, I would say that anyone who goes to the trouble of obviously presenting themselves as feminine deserves to be referred to as "she". It's always going to be socially safe to respect a person's intentions.

~ Lyric ~

[barbie]

Well, folks who perform publicly are doubtless used to being referred to both genders and it probably doesn't matter to them much. However, I would say that anyone who goes to the trouble of obviously presenting themselves as feminine deserves to be referred to as "she". It's always going to be socially safe to respect a person's intentions.

Yes. It usually depends on the intelligence of the person. Thoughtful people always consider it, calling me properly, even I did not ask it. Others just do not have any idea.

barbie~~