A bit of a problem

[Hideyoshi]

Is your face really that bad? Have you posted a picture in the pass thread? You said you've been on hormones for a few months over the last year. Even a full year of hormones isn't enough for some people, let alone a few months.

Unless we see a picture I think you're being too hard on yourself and not giving the hormones enough time to work

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi uuuu,

Well I'm mtf, so in a way my face is physically disfigured because of a genetic disease.... And yes, my issues would resolve if I had FFS. Maybe I would need some therapy afterwards, but they're definitely possible to resolve afterwards, without FFS they can't be resolved.

You may need to stop and rethink your whole approach to this matter. Your explanation above clearly demonstrates a typical case of putting the cart before the horse, so to speak. That is, in simplistic terms, horses pull carts, they don't push them. Fix the inside first with therapy, then if necessary, fix the outside, not necessarily with FFS.

In my experience of evaluating FFS, the results are generally subtle by comparison to expectation. Have you discussed the alternatives with a beautician? Generally, hair style, make up and HT combine to do a better job than FFS.

If your genetic disease is so gross that it's worth considering a permanent solution to a temporary problem, have a look at some people like Aimee Mullins; then compare her disability with yours, including outcomes.

......... "If I don't get this money I'll commit suicide".

Irrespective whether you want to say it or not; that statement is nothing other than emotional blackmail.

But what if she asks that question directly, do I answer it legitimatly then?

Any question asked by anyone, deserves the respect of an honest and complete answer. If you want to be a person of character, integrity and authenticity.

With respect
Catherine

[Lana P]

Many trans folk use this site to raise money for transition surgeries. http://www.gofundme.com/online-fundraising/ hope this helps.

[uuuu]

God I should never have brought anything up with her. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now.

[Ltl89]

God I should never have brought anything up with her. I don't know what I'm supposed to do now.

Hey uuuu,

This sort of conversation is bound to bring up emotions.  No mother wants to hear their child is considering suicide, so keep that in mind if she is freaking out.  If you already told her the extent of the situation, I would suggest just being honest.  I know what suicidal feelings can be like and it's not fun to share, but sometime getting things off yyour chest and confiding in a loved one can help.  Honesty between family members isn't always a bad thing and I'm sure your mother would like to know you are experiencing these feelings before you do anything.

I know how bad dysphoria can get and have been at a similar mindset myself at times because of it; however, you really should consider tackling these depression issues as well as your issues with your appearance.  At the end of the day, dysphoria can be improved with transitioning and it can make much needed changes in our lives, but depression and low self esteem may still need further work (it depends on the situation).  It's something I have learned the hard way.  In any case, I make no judgement on your situation and just want to offer what little help I may be able to provide.   I truly hope you and your family come out of this okay.  Keep us posted if it helps.

[Mercédes]

uuuuu keep asking for advice, and you keep saying you don't know what to do. but you keep repeating yourself about the two things you believe you have as an option; Work or getting a loan (pfft. like who'd wan't to loan you money if you don't have a job, and are unwilling to work for what you want).
So looks like you're pretty screwed. but then again what do I care?

You've been told to seek help, you've been told that a bunch of times.

Edited to Add.
I know uuuuu don't have the ability to listen to your own words in a truly objective manner. but just try to.

[Allyda]

I hate to say this uuuu because this is supposed to be a support site, but you sound to me like your selfish and spoiled. None of us here are completely satisfied with our looks but we're willing to work at it ourselves to become more satisfied. Some us have been saving for years for surgeries, facial hair removal, SRS, vocal surgeries, etc., etc., etc. Unless your disabled you need to get a job and start saving for FFS if that's what you want. Me, I won't even consider FFS until I've been on hrt for at least two years minimum maybe more. It takes the hormones a long time to do their thing. In furtherance, as someone else here posted you keep repeating yourself despite getting the same answers from those of us here willing to help you. I'd be ashamed of myself to go to my mother and ask her for money to further my transition, and my mother has it believe me. You need to see a therapist first to begin treating your suicidal tendancies........................That's really all I can say for I'm so upset at reading this...................

[uuuu]

I had two options, and only two, no others.
The first option is to ask for money, then there's a low chance I'll get money and have a shot at living, if not then I die. Unfortunately they'd probably feel bad if I died, but that's going to happen either way.
The other option is to straight up die, not leave any letter or any explanation other than that I'm trans. Since if they'd know that what I needed was money, and they had been willing to give that, but also get to know that I didn't "trust" them enough to even ask, I think they'd feel like complete failures.

After a lot of thinking, and some talking, I think that the first option is both easier on my family, and it gives me a small chance to live. Also, generally there are no real arguments for choosing the other option, it's just "but that's low!" and other things that don't matter in the slightest.
What I've been asking for is how I'd even ask it. If I ask for money, they'll ask me what I want the money for, which I'll respond with FFS. Either they don't take it seriously at this point, or they do. They could ask me what I'd do if I don't get the money... which well, you start getting into kind of bad territory. I can't completely predict conversation, so I don't know what to do, I can't just plan it out and try to think of something else while I talk out the conversation on automation. So yeah, that's what I've been asking for since after the first 2 or 3 posts.

Also, I don't care about shame, pride or whatever else there is. I want to live, I know that may very well not happen, but I don't care how spoiled or pathetic I'd look getting there.

[Allyda]

Well I think your on your own. As I said there's no way I'd even consider asking my Mom for a loan like this so, maybe someone else can help you.

Edit: If you don't mind and it may help us to understand, how old are you?

[izzy]

FFS should be the last resort for your problems. You should as what other members said wait 2 years before you decide on FFS. You should take the advice of other members here before you resort to other means.

[Ltl89]

I had two options, and only two, no others.
The first option is to ask for money, then there's a low chance I'll get money and have a shot at living, if not then I die. Unfortunately they'd probably feel bad if I died, but that's going to happen either way.
The other option is to straight up die, not leave any letter or any explanation other than that I'm trans. Since if they'd know that what I needed was money, and they had been willing to give that, but also get to know that I didn't "trust" them enough to even ask, I think they'd feel like complete failures.

After a lot of thinking, and some talking, I think that the first option is both easier on my family, and it gives me a small chance to live. Also, generally there are no real arguments for choosing the other option, it's just "but that's low!" and other things that don't matter in the slightest.
What I've been asking for is how I'd even ask it. If I ask for money, they'll ask me what I want the money for, which I'll respond with FFS. Either they don't take it seriously at this point, or they do. They could ask me what I'd do if I don't get the money... which well, you start getting into kind of bad territory. I can't completely predict conversation, so I don't know what to do, I can't just plan it out and try to think of something else while I talk out the conversation on automation. So yeah, that's what I've been asking for since after the first 2 or 3 posts.

Also, I don't care about shame, pride or whatever else there is. I want to live, I know that may very well not happen, but I don't care how spoiled or pathetic I'd look getting there.

I won't make any judgement on your plan.  If this is a final straw for you, just tell your parents how you feel.  It will definetely be a hard conversation, but if you are going to take your own life, please tell them beforehand.  They will be glad you had this talk. 

Secondly, please consider getting help in the long run.  Like I said, I don't judge you for any of this.  To be honest, I've had suicidal feelings in the past and they've re-emerged  lately, s I  realize how bad it can be and how hard it can be.  It's a horrible feeling, and I hate seeing others feeling the same way.  Are you in therapy?  Please give everything a try.  If you need FFS and need to ask for it, go ahead.  But please give other things a try as well.  Don't let FFS be your only treatment.  Please consider the great future you can have once you accomplish everything you want and can live freely as yourself.  If you can't live for today, please try to live for tomorrow.  I know it can be bleak, but we only get one life. 

[calico]

So your afraid of dyeing, and you want to live but.....  you have to have ffs or your going to die...

Why? why the dead end no if ands or buts? I think you are scared of living.
most of us here are we are afraid that we don't pass and we get ridiculed about it, we are afraid that we will fail, we are afraid of etc etc etc, it goes on till dark..

I think what you need is a good therapist to use as a sounding board, no-one here really is that or is honestly able to keep going on in these dead ended answers you have.

you don't want to die but you are afraid to live.
talk with your parents tell them the issues- straight up no bs'ng it. if they cant help you financially than they can help you emotionally and with support.
Its scary yes but living life is so much better.

[Sarah leah]

Are you in your early teens by chance?

[kellypatrick]

uuuuu,
Call someone and get help NOW!!!!! You have issues more issues than gender dysphoria. FFS is not going to help with the issues. It sounds like you mom does not have the money and she is divorced from your step dad... So you expect her to go plead with a man she divorced to help you out. To pay for everything I want or need I am looking into legitimate work from home programs. maybe that is a way to do it but to come on here and say that you are going to kill your self and not listen to our pleads for you to talk to someone is quite frankly BS. We have too many girls and guys in our community that do kill themselves. we don't want you to be another. I don't know if I am allowed to do this but if not edited out contact me a kellypatrick817@gmail.com. I am not a professional but am some one that is willing to try to help.
HUGs KELLY.
Ps Call that hotline if you write me. You are too important.

[Allyda]

Are you in your early teens by chance?

Yea thats what I was wondering?

[kellypatrick]

Yea thats what I was wondering?

I was thinking late teens or early twenties. I hope she contacts someone soon.

[Allyda]

I was thinking late teens or early twenties. I hope she contacts someone soon.

So do I. It will be a shame if she doesn't.

[uuuu]

Well, uhm... So today I talked with my mom. I tried to talk on the phone, which went really badly, I could barely say any words without crying, so it ended up with I told her I'd write her an email instead.
I did not try to emotionally black mail her, I hope it didn't end up like that. I just said I needed surgeries, and also explained that for me to save up that money it's going to take years, and it was very difficult to live this way (as in, the live situation is difficult to handle). And because of that I wanted to ask her for a fairly absurd question, and that if she could ask my step father or anyone who has money, if they could loan it to me.

Anyway, she's known that I've wanted a trachea shave, and that she's fully understanding of, and she's hinted that she'd like to help me pay for it. And well, as it turns out she has about $15k saved up... but she'll ask a few more people to help out on it, like my stepfather, and her parents. So, things may work out... I'm not going to celebrate yet, but it's looking good at least. It's been years where I've not known if I'd live or if I'd die, so this is a big relief.
I have learned that I underestimated her a lot... and she's yeah... I wish everyone could have a parent like her.

[Thylacin]

You said you've been on hormones. Hopefully this means you aren't self-medicating and have been to a therapist.

Why don't you talk to your therapist about how you feel about needing FFS?

[uuuu]

I wish I had self-medded, then I would've had been on hormones for over 4 years now, but I didn't, and I've been on hormones for, I believe, 1 year and 4 months. And I have talked with the my gender therapist about this, about my adams apple, but she wants me to fix my social issues and live full time for at least 1 year before she'd be ok with "giving" me that (basically write a letter to somebody else who'll discuss it).
But well, if I do get this money, which may happen (I don't know if my mom just said she'd fix this money easily was a lie to calm me down, or if she was honest), I'll be able to afford the trachea shave as well anyway. So it doesn't matter anymore, I really just want to get this over with and kind of start to try to live a life.