With regard to terms, wording, PCness, etc

[Nero]

Please give others the benefit of the doubt. We cover a large range here of countries, cultures, language barriers, etc. Please keep that in mind when reading or replying to a post. Everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt. Before you get offended, ask yourself these questions:

   • Is it possible I misinterpreted the poster's intent or meaning?
   • Could this be a cultural or language gap (English may not be the poster's first language and some things may be lost in translation)?
   • Could this person be new to all this and thus unaware of the proper terminology? We were all newbies once.
   • Did this person mean to offend others, or was this just a case of unfortunate wording?
   • How can I respond in an effective and  gentle way if I must point out a misstep or miswording? (hostility and blame solve nothing)
   
   

15. Items under discussion shall be confined to the subject matter at hand, members shall avoid taking the other users posts personally, and/or posting anything that can reasonably be construed as a personal attack.

Members taking offense where none was intended may well find themselves in trouble as well. So relax and let it go. The world is not going to end if someone used the wrong term. And not everything is about you.
   

[Shantel]

Amen Brother, I couldn't agree more!   

[amber1964]

Personally Im pretty tolerant of language. Personal attacks, not so much. It was those that basically drove me off the internet for a year. That and over language policing so that every time you type something you have to carefully word it so as to avoid offending anyone which makes the whole exercise of communicating tedious instead of fun.

[Shantel]

Personally Im pretty tolerant of language. Personal attacks, not so much. It was those that basically drove me off the internet for a year. That and over language policing so that every time you type something you have to carefully word it so as to avoid offending anyone which makes the whole exercise of communicating tedious instead of fun.

Hi Amber,
         I'm with you and am not as thin skinned as some. I think FA's point is well made when he says to us all that we need to remember "it's not all about you" meaning those who take personal offense to practically everything another has posted that really has nothing to do with them anyway. It's just immature behavior and perhaps is evidence of the incivility in today's society seeping into this support site that shouldn't be here ever.

[amber1964]

Im definetly not thin skinned or easily offended. A while back, on another forum, a young lady posted a pciture of herself asking how she looked. Honestly she was beautiful, I looked at her profile and she self identified as a drag queen  so I merely commented that she was a very beautiful drag queen. She had that over the top flair which I kind of like and so I meant it as a genuine and very fair compliment. Appearently it was not taken that way at all and after being called ugly (actually fugly) and old blah blah I just left the group. Honestly, i didnt post anywhere for several months after.

[kelly_aus]

I'm not usually easy to offend or upset.. But after the 4th or 5th comment from the 'Have srs or you are not a woman' crowd, it's a little easy to get offended by them..

'You are not a woman if you have a penis.' is a statement that is a little hard to confuse..

[Ltl89]

I don't know what's prompting this, but I think it's okay to take things personally at times.  Sometimes people do say things to offend, hurt or get a rise out of people.  It's not a positive thing and sad that it can occur on a support site, but it does happen. In general, I agree with giving people the benefit of the doubt because it's very possible there is something lost in translation and a misunderstanding can occur.  However, I don't think that's the case at all times as trolling can be done in both an explicit and subtle way. It depends on the situation and the context of the conversation.

Nonetheless, I don't think the offender or offendee should be punished or moderated unless things get out of hand and become a continuous issue.  People have a right to feel whatever way they want (including the offender), as long as they maintain a respectful presence and don't try to continuously bring the site down with their feelings.  I don't see the reasoning to censor either an offender or the offended unless they don't meet that criteria (and no one really comes to mind that is still here that wouldn't imo).  In any case, I don't think you really can regulate feelings or thoughts, only behavior.   Just my two cents. 

[Nero]

I'm not usually easy to offend or upset.. But after the 4th or 5th comment from the 'Have srs or you are not a woman' crowd, it's a little easy to get offended by them..

'You are not a woman if you have a penis.' is a statement that is a little hard to confuse..

Well, there are some things which are genuinely offensive or hurtful whether the poster intended it or not. My aim with this post and this one isn't to say taking offense is never called for. But to reduce simple misunderstandings and hard feelings.

I don't want people to be afraid to call attention to something genuinely offensive or inappropriate. But we need a moderate approach on both sides.

There have been a lot of upsets over small things recently which actually cause more trouble than the 'offense' itself.
I want to cut down on the policing of words and terms, especially. For instance, when I joined this forum (back in the time of the woolly mammoth), as an ftm, you could say something like:

Woolly mammoth: "Well, back when you lived as a woman..."

Modern elephant: 'Wait! I was never a woman. I was a man from birth. How dare you.'

Woolly mammoth: "Well, since we're female bodied..."

Modern elephant: "Hold it right there! I am not female bodied."

Woolly mammoth: 'okay. I just meant that since we were born with female parts..."

Modern elephant: 'My parts aren't female! I'm male, so all my parts are male as well!"

Woolly mammoth: "Sorry. I just meant since you have a vagina..."

Modern elephant: "Who are you calling a vagina?!!!!"

Woolly mammoth: 'Sorry. I just meant that since you were born female...'

Modern elephant: 'I was not born female.'

Woolly mammoth: 'Okay... I thought you were ftm.'

Modern elephant: 'I am AFAB'

Woolly mammoth: 'What does that mean?'

Modern elephant: 'Assigned female at birth.'

Woolly mammoth: 'That's kind of a mouthful. Couldn't we just say born female?'

Modern elephant: 'NOOOOOOO!!!!'

Woolly mammoth: 'Okay, so since we were assigned female at birth and have a clitoris...'

Modern elephant: 'I don't have a clitoris.'

Woolly mammoth: 'Oh. sorry I didn't know. What happened?'

Modern elephant: 'Nothing. I have a dick not a clitoris.'

Woolly mammoth: 'Oh, ok. So you've had genital surgery?'

Modern elephant: 'No.'

Woolly mammoth: 'Oh, sorry. I thought you were ftm.'

Modern elephant: 'I'm not ftm. I'm a MAN.'

Woolly mammoth: 'Oh, ok. You mentioned going on T and transitioning, so I just thought...'

Modern elephant: 'I did but I identify as a cis man.'

Woolly mammoth: 'umm, ok... now I'm thoroughly confused.'

[DriftingCrow]

Not sure if this is the place for it, but I've also noticed that sometimes people just nitpick over tiny details and I think the intent is to make the poster look stupid, whether it's intentional or not. When the poster isn't liked, it seems like some people go out of their way to find anything that could possibly be incorrect in order to bring it up.

I think we should take note on if we're blowing something up that doesn't need to be.


BTW, FA, best forum reenactment ever.

[JRD]

And not everything is about you.

Wait, what?     

*sooo disappointed right now*

[amber1964]

Giggling. Pretty hilarious re-enactment and exactly the sort of thing that made me loose interest with internet. AFAB, I have never even heard of that. Its just that sort of tedious looking for offense that makes you feel like your in the twilight zone. I can hear Rod Serling.

Seriously, i got into one of those once just because I said "when I was a man". It was in context and I suppose I could have used may other phrases but honestly the reaction was like setting off a small nuclear device. I think after a few days of attacks I lost my cool and ended up getting banned.

[Shantel]

Giggling. Pretty hilarious re-enactment and exactly the sort of thing that made me loose interest with internet. AFAB, I have never even heard of that. Its just that sort of tedious looking for offense that makes you feel like your in the twilight zone. I can hear Rod Serling.

Seriously, i got into one of those once just because I said "when I was a man". It was in context and I suppose I could have used may other phrases but honestly the reaction was like setting off a small nuclear device. I think after a few days of attacks I lost my cool and ended up getting banned.

No different than the attitudes I get from some when I tell them I opted out of SRS at the last minute. "You whaaaat? You had your letters and the funds and you did Whaaaaaat? Are you crazy?" Truth that is hard for some to swallow is that not everyone comes from the same cookie cutter and we need to have room for those with different attitudes, plans and ideas about what works in their lives.

[Adam (birkin)]

I appreciate this post. I do try to correct people if they use an offensive term (like "transgenders") but I really think it's just that people don't understand and they're just trying to guess the correct one.

[Nero]

 Note: this was in response to a post which is removed.

In this case, communication is suffering because posters are afraid of saying the wrong thing and offending someone. People need to be more tolerant and open. Most people are not out to offend. I don't want new members getting discouraged because they used the wrong term and got severely chastised. We need to be more tolerant of newbies - cis or trans.

If people would just give one another the benefit of the doubt, most problems on the site would be eradicated.

[amZo]

Is the elephant a man or woman?

[Jamie D]

John Merrick, the Elephant Man

Michael Jackson wanted his bones. 

[amZo]

John Merrick, the Elephant Man

Michael Jackson wanted his bones. 

[Jamie D]

We need to be serious in the Forum Administrators topic.

I have seen the lightning, and I am waiting on the thunder.