Depression. Goals in life. Any changes after surgery?

[greypeacock]

Hey guys. I've been bouncing around the world, living from couch to couch, staying in homeless shelters. It's been going on for so long I've begun to feel lost in the universe. I've been depressed and scared, and wanting so much to find a niche for myself to settle into. I work on my art, take private commissions, make teeny scrapes of money. I've been self employed by my art for so long I have no other valueable work related skills. I've avoided a few jobs because they require uniforms, and I wouldn't be able to hide my chest.

I know that it isn't going to solve many problems, but I'd really like to hear how top surgery changed your life. Even minor ways. I want to believe I'll be more comfortable in a workplace not constantly worrying that my bumps are showing. I used to weigh over 300 pounds and lost over 100, so I understand the concept that changing something major like that does not solve all your problems. At most it can boost confidence.

I've been aiming for the goal of surgery for so long, I don't know what to do after it's finally done in May. Did you find that you gained any inner peace? Did your goals change? Does this get better?

[Cindy]

Can I be truthful?

Dealing with the issues of our depression are the only way to find peace, whether you are FtM of MtF surgery can 'cure' dysphoria and let us lead a normal life. But, dealing with our issues is the only way of fighting the black dog of depression.

For many that requires professional therapy help to tackle the root causes.

Hugs my friend

Cindy

[greypeacock]

I have been doing my best dealing with them. I used to go to therapy once a week before I lost my home. It's always there, as you know. I was more just wondering if people found it easier to interact with people. To walk into a day job. I don't think surgery is going to fix me. It will take away one point of insecurity, but otherwise I expect I'll be exactly the same. I hear some of the 'noise' goes away in your head. I guess I just wanted to be able to look forward to some kind of added peace, no matter how small.

[Cindy]

That I can't answer.

I do know that the guys I know post surgery pass really well, much better than many of the women, T masculinises very well with facial features, and top surgery obviously really helps. Bottom surgery is a much more personal thing as far as passing goes in FtM as far as I can tell, difficult for me to comment obviously.

Obviously heavily breasted men are going to have problems passing and must be very dysphoric while in girls it is almost a flaunt of our femininity.

So my uneducated opinion is that it may well help in job prospects etc, but I don't think it will deal with the horrors we have to live with to a substantial amount.

I had to face them and I needed help, to be honest I'm a very happy woman now, but without therapy to deal with my issues I would be a woman with crippling depression.

Not sure if that helps.

And my apologies if I wasn't politically correct.

[Frank]

I haven't had surgery yet but I can relate to being trapped in that vicious cycle, the one where you can't go out because of bumps and voice but the more you stay isolated, the worse it gets in your head. It's soul crushing enough that I wonder if it's even possible to get a normal semblance of emotions back even after surgery and hormones.

[Natkat]

my goals kind of changed.
before the surgery my life where all about up to that date and afterward I spend some time being totally happy and enjoying it before getting back to reality and focusing on other stuff.
its not like theres a problem free life, before I had difficult with depression and so and was waiting for getting top surgery, Now I have top but I still get into depression and worry of not having job. So its likely after your surgery you will find other things to focus on, maybe focus on getting down with your depression?
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about depression and waiting my advice is always to do something. it pretty easy to get into worry/depression mode if you have nothing to do and dont move any forward, or if you do something but your not exactly sure whats the deal? so try take a day like sunday each week where you decide. "okay now I make a plan for what I want to accomplish for this week.