Hello everyone!
First of all, let me introduce myself. My name is Sam. I am 28 from the UK and have recently started on a journey to embracing my femininity and identifying as transgender. At the moment I am non-transitioning, the way I see it due to life experiences and childhood circumstance I have was raised to be a boy and all that came with it. It never really fit so I did my own thing. I identified as gay for a long while, had gay relationships, actually had to end my last relationship because of this new journey of discovery. Dressing up for me is a way of realising my full potential, that inner beautiful girl that captures so much of my personality and sexuality. I want those feelings every day but its a slooooow process.
Last night I had my first sexual experience as a t-girl. I was able to feel sensual and desirable dressed as a girl, capturing that feminine essence that has always defined my sexuality, even as a man. But so much of it felt like a performance, I found it difficult to relate to the guy I was with as MYSELF whoever that is. It felt that there was a battle in the room firstly there was my knowledge and experience of intimacy as a gay man, and how to behave in that way, while being partly ashamed and guilty of that side (since I was presuming the person I was with didn't want to see that person) and then the dressed t-girl trying to visualise that feminine side of my sexuality and serve it to the person I was with but feeling completely performed and not at all congruent with my actual feelings in the moment.
I suppose I muddled through and made the best out of the situation, and it was a nice experience, but I was left confused. Was aware of this site and the support that it provides to the community, and wanted to see if I could get any support, advice, understanding.
I don't know if I have posted this in the right area. I also don't know how to make an avatar for myself!
I would be really appreciative of any thoughts that people have got about what I have spoken about :-)
Sam
