Hi I'm new and a parent

[Mittens]

Hi I'm new to this site and new to this topic.  My son who is 17 just told me he believes he is transgender...that he feels he is more female than male.  I had to draw this out of him because he has been dealing with depression for the past 6 months and therapy has not helped at all.  I sat him down and we had a long talk. He was scared to tell me and he hasn't even told his therapist.

I told him there was nothing he could tell me that would make me love him any less.  I also told him he should talk to his therapist about what he is feeling.  He's already talking about HRT and transitioning, and all the things he would lose because of this change.  He was so unhappy it just about killed me.  The talk ended well and he was actually in a great mood the next day so I feel like a weight may have been lifted for him, even temporarily.

Hopefully I can find answers here for the questions that I have.  I plan on keeping an open dialogue with my son as we work through this...I won't lie and say this is easy...far from it.  I know it's hard for him (still calling him a him as he hasn't said otherwise) and it's hard for me too.  As a parent I am worrying about everything from reaction from family and friends, to the discrimination he will face, to the medical ramifications if he chooses HRT,  to what name will be on his gravestone when his life is over many years from now!  It's a lot to take in...and I'm probably obsessing about too much stuff.  Anyway - hello!

[mrs izzy]

Welcome Mittens to the forum,

Wow, i am so glad she has support of her mother. Having some family on her side will make her life way better going forward it this the the path she must travel.

You saiid she has a therapist, I would make an apointment ASAP with both of you if you feel up to it and let the therapist know. She has to be honest to get the help she will need.

Not everyone needs HRT, SRS etc. Each will take there own path in life but having support from family is a very postitive plus.

Good luck, There are many who will also chime in and give some more. For me i am happy when others have help in there process and not being put down for something they never had a control over.

Hugs
Isabell

[ConfusedHumanUK]

Hi Isabella,

As someone who's trying to 'figure stuff out' as it were myself, I can tell you that just the thought of a parent to talk to can and will be a HUGE comfort. It's a massive thing to figure out, and something that nobody should have to keep to themselves, the ability to tell someone would have been a huge weight lifted, and has likely made a massive difference to his/her mental wellbeing. Talking to a therapist will certainly also help at this point.

All the best.

[Jamie D]

Mittens, we have a "Significant others" board for family of TG/TS people

These links will help you navigate the site:

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Age and the Forum
  
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It is not unusual for a teen to acutely recognize "gender dysphoria."  It can be very confusing, very depressing.  Conventional therapies and SSRIs won't get to the root of the issue.  It really takes a trained gender therapist to help you son sort things out.

Not all transgendered persons are transsexual.  I'm not.  But some are. 

I am a parent too.  I understand the relationship.  Keep talking with your son.

[Joe.]

Welcome to Susan's. I wanted to say you have the most respect from me. Your post made me very emotional. Your child is very lucky to have you. I wish you both all the very best.

[LordKAT]

More mittens, yay!

Seriously, Welcome to Susan's. It is cool to see someone who is supportive and looking for information. You have come to the right place. Feel free to read and wander through all there is to offer here.

[Jessica Merriman]

Hello Mittens! Thank you for the support you are showing her. It is a hard topic to deal with because of the mystery surrounding it. Let us help you understand with personal stories told by those living with this. I was a medical professional and it was mysterious to me, so I came here and got better educated myself. I am now on the road to transition and much happier in life. I can say at 48 years old that this inner feeling she has will only get much, much worse as time goes by if in fact she is found by a therapist to have Gender Dysphoria. Here is a BIG HUG ( ) to settle you down and let you know you are both not alone anymore. Welcome to the family.

[warlockmaker]

Its a wonderful start,  she now has someone that knows the deep secret that has been hidden for so long. I remember having difficulty raising this with my therapist because I had never consulted one before for anything and this was my great secret. By coming out to you and a therapist it will be a great comfort and will relieve some anxieties. Yes, you should go with her to see the therapist. Its a tough road for anyone and in some ways somone so young has so much to lose if its wrong - but if a transformation is right and starts early the results are exceptional.

She is lucky to have a parent support.

[Mittens]

Thank you for the welcome!  He/she has definitely been in a much better mood after telling me   I have a feeling this will be a long road for both of us (all of us...including family).  Here's hoping I don't screw it up!  Thanks again!

[Gina Taylor]

Hi Mittens and welcome to our forum, 

I can't express more what mind is quiet now and Jessica has expressed. I'm really glad as well that you're very supportive as well towards your daughters transitioning. Let her know that if she has any questions she can join here and ask whatever she wants, and I'm sure that we'll find an answer for her.

[LordKAT]

Thank you for the welcome!  He/she has definitely been in a much better mood after telling me   I have a feeling this will be a long road for both of us (all of us...including family).  Here's hoping I don't screw it up!  Thanks again!

All parents think this. The trans issue is just one more part. If you don't make it into a major deal, most likely neither will others who know you and/or your daughter. It is amazing how people will follow you as the authority figure in her life. I thank you for be willing to do so.

We all screw up, it is called being human. Recognize it, apologize, make amends, and attempt to not repeat it. Just like any other goof.

[TerriT]

You're an awesome mom.

[skin]

You're an awesome mom.

Seconded.  It's in no way going to be easy for her, but you are making it far less difficult by being supportive from the beginning.

[Eva Marie]

Mittens-

You are a wonderful mom! Your unquestioning support and love is exactly what she needs right now as she works through her own situation. As long as you keep doing that you won't "screw it up". She is probably feeling a lot of things right now including fear, doubt, uncertainty, and shame, and you will be there to support her through it all 

Susans is a support site so please don't hesitate to ask questions when she hits those bumps that will be coming. We've all been there before and have the t-shirt to prove it - and we'd love to share what we know to help you and your daughter.

Welcome to the site!

~Eva