Why do you think you are 'transgender ?

[MadeleineG]

...besides, what's a narrative without a challenge to overcome? 

[Declan.]

I feel differently after a dream/vision I had last night. It's a complicated one, but I believe in my case it was deliberate. Odd to feel so differently so quickly. Huh.

[Amy1988]

Kia Ora,

Just out of interest, why do you 'think' you are transgender?

Perhaps you think it's a god-thing? That is, a deity made you this way for a reason [perhaps to teach the righteous religious the art of tolerance, acceptance and compassion] ...

Or

Mother Nature trying to correct an imbalance of  male and female energies

Or

A biological blunder...

Or is your answer :

Don't know...but...

Or

Don't know and really don't care FULL STOP...

Or

Something else.............

For example an extraterrestrial scientific experiment on what they see as an inferior species    ...No wait...You might seriously be thinking this...

* Or is it Karma ? *

*  I guess in a sense it's the billion dollar question...*
Metta Zenda

Just look at me.  It's so obvious what else could I be.

[Calder Smith]

I think that my biological body was a mistake, like others have said before me. I am a boy stuck in a girl's body. I want to go through with this sex change to make things right and be comfortable with who I really am.

[Tanya W]

I really don't know why I - or anyone else - is transgender. I know there are an abundance of theories on this subject and a great many opinions/perspectives, but nothing really gains traction for me. I just don't know.

This does not, however, stop me from asking this question. 'Why am I trans?'

One thing that consistently arises in considering this matter is how curiously congruent being transgender is with the rest of my life, with one of the central challenges I seem to face. More specifically, I have a really hard time speaking honestly about my experience with others. Really hard. Most of my life I have stayed very quiet and withdrawn about what's going on for me.

For a long while this was tolerable. Not nice, mind you, but tolerable. And then it became something else. Then it became intolerable and I started to feel like I was actually dying. It was like I was drying up and shriveling my way out of this world.

Perhaps five years ago, in utter desperation, I started asking, 'What the heck?!?' I started looking at what was going on and discovered I was holding secrets from (both myself and) the world. I was an addict. I had a crazy mother. I had been abused. And, finally, I am transgender.

So for some strange reason, I have had a life of troubling experiences and deep, dark secrets. As if addiction were not enough, I had been abused! As if abused were not enough, I had a crazy parent. As if... Being trans was/is one big part of this mix. It has struck me curious that this theme is so strong in my life.

As if this were not enough, I am now finding that each of these deep, dark secrets wants out. They each have pressure to them, these secrets. And they want into the world! So I now find myself now feeling like, if I want to live, I have to speak honestly with others. I have to do what I have never done: I have to speak honestly about all of this with others.

I don't like this very much. It's really hard and I am not very good at it. But I am doing it and, as I do, I find myself very slowly, very gradually coming back to life, coming back into life. So these events/situations that have been so awful for me through all these years are now, oddly enough, providing the push/motivation/fuel I need to come into this life and this world in a way I have never, ever done before.

It's all so very curious to me.

So, honestly, what comes up when I consider the question, 'Why am I transgender?' In my better moments this: I am trans so that I might come back to life, so that I might finally, finally speak my voice in this world and live!

To repeat, it is all so very curious to me.

I don't understand any of it.   

[Tessa James]

Yes, we cope with what we may not understand or feel able to manage out loud till it is intolerable.  I thought I would die with my secret and such resignation isn't quality living, as you point out.  I applaud your honesty and humility and it feels an honor to have you and others share their truths here.

[Anatta]

I really don't know why I - or anyone else - is transgender. I know there are an abundance of theories on this subject and a great many opinions/perspectives, but nothing really gains traction for me. I just don't know.

This does not, however, stop me from asking this question. 'Why am I trans?'

One thing that consistently arises in considering this matter is how curiously congruent being transgender is with the rest of my life, with one of the central challenges I seem to face. More specifically, I have a really hard time speaking honestly about my experience with others. Really hard. Most of my life I have stayed very quiet and withdrawn about what's going on for me.

For a long while this was tolerable. Not nice, mind you, but tolerable. And then it became something else. Then it became intolerable and I started to feel like I was actually dying. It was like I was drying up and shriveling my way out of this world.

Perhaps five years ago, in utter desperation, I started asking, 'What the heck?!?' I started looking at what was going on and discovered I was holding secrets from (both myself and) the world. I was an addict. I had a crazy mother. I had been abused. And, finally, I am transgender.

So for some strange reason, I have had a life of troubling experiences and deep, dark secrets. As if addiction were not enough, I had been abused! As if abused were not enough, I had a crazy parent. As if... Being trans was/is one big part of this mix. It has struck me curious that this theme is so strong in my life.

As if this were not enough, I am now finding that each of these deep, dark secrets wants out. They each have pressure to them, these secrets. And they want into the world! So I now find myself now feeling like, if I want to live, I have to speak honestly with others. I have to do what I have never done: I have to speak honestly about all of this with others.

I don't like this very much. It's really hard and I am not very good at it. But I am doing it and, as I do, I find myself very slowly, very gradually coming back to life, coming back into life. So these events/situations that have been so awful for me through all these years are now, oddly enough, providing the push/motivation/fuel I need to come into this life and this world in a way I have never, ever done before.

It's all so very curious to me.

So, honestly, what comes up when I consider the question, 'Why am I transgender?' In my better moments this: I am trans so that I might come back to life, so that I might finally, finally speak my voice in this world and live!

To repeat, it is all so very curious to me.

I don't understand any of it.   

Kia Ora Tanya,

Thank you for your honesty...."It's better out than in "

Metta Zenda

[oh hai!]

I don't know the specifics of why I'm trans but I think its the universe's way of protecting me. If I didn't transition, I'd likely end up dying in a rage ball hurtling through Vancouver traffic at horrendous speeds. 

[Tanya W]

Thanks both Tessa James and Anatta for your acknowledgement, support, and encouragement. As you might suspect, Susan's is playing a pretty big role in the process I describe. It is very often in these forums that I roll up my sleeves and say to myself, 'Right, if I can't practice being honest here... So let's take a risk and give it a go!'

Curious thing, this life! 

[Carolynn]

Kia Ora,

Just out of interest, why do you 'think' you are transgender?

I'll go with  A biological blunder... but my question is Do I realy need to fix anything?

[Emmaline]

Biology is complex and ever changing.  There is no normal human, but billions of variant (and mostly compatible) beings caught in the cycle of evolution.  I am a result of incalculable occurances and factors.  I just am.

Time for breakfast.