loneliness

[latoya fox]

i've just been feeling down lately, about the fact that i have no friends and haven't since i was in about 5th grade, never really had any since since everyone in middle/high school sensened there was something different about me. it's been getting to me lately, especially not having any home girls    is there anyone here who has had any simular experiences? it would just be nice to know i'm not the only one

[TerriT]

I know how you feel. It's very hard for me to make any friends. It's been something that I'm actually trying to do. I meet people at support group, but it's not like they are really "friends" and everyone is so flighty. It feels very isolating. It's been really dragging me down the last month or so. There are some incredible people here that I would love to meet IRL! But yeah, you're not the only one.

[latoya fox]

i know, i'm the same way, i just wish i had people to hangout with but i never leave the house except with my boyfriend. when he goes home after staying with me, i get so lonely and i feel bad that i rely so much on him,  just when he stays, it's so nice to have someone to talk to

[Brooke777]

I have actually met a couple of my now real good friends on this site. One of them had some of the issues you are talking about. She is now much more outgoing, and sociable. She said that being around someone who is extroverted like myself helped her. What I am getting at is, if you can find at least one person who is an extrovert to hang out with occasionally, you might be able to get out of your shell a bit. Just a thought.

[latoya fox]

i consider myself a outgoing person, i'm just not good at approaching people because i feel awkward and i'm not good at saying the first word.

[Brooke777]

i consider myself a outgoing person, i'm just not good at approaching people because i feel awkward and i'm not good at saying the first word.

That's where someone like me comes in handy. I have no issues saying the first, last, and every word in the middle. 

Does your boyfriend have any friends? If so, maybe you two could double date with some of his friends.

[latoya fox]

he does, i actually went to school with his bestfriend, but i cannot stand that guy, he's everything i don't like in a person, a womanizer, a chauvinist pig, and he just has zero respect for women so i have no respect for him, i haven't met his friends, because i don't feel like they would be people i would hang out with, i did meet his father though and i talk to his sister on fb ocassionally

[Brooke777]

he does, i actually went to school with his bestfriend, but i cannot stand that guy, he's everything i don't like in a person, a womanizer, a chauvinist pig, and he just has zero respect for women so i have no respect for him, i haven't met his friends, because i don't feel like they would be people i would hang out with, i did meet his father though and i talk to his sister on fb ocassionally

The reason I suggested going on double dates is to give you the chance to meet their dates. You might get along with them, and then be able to build a friendship. It's just a thought. Although, it sounds like you should stay away from that one guy. He sounds horrible.

[Sarah leah]

I get it all the time, as a fulltime single parent in a rural town. I build friendships with women really easy, but their partners think I am hitting on them... which is just stupid. I think in all my life I have had three male friends, but I could not relate to them once I turned 14-16 as they were pure hormones and just rude to people, now I am 35 it has not changed I still have no male friends (is that weird?). So I spend my days alone which really hurts. But I hide it so my kids do not feel upset, especially my son, he is super empathic like me and knows straight away.

[TerriT]

i know, i'm the same way, i just wish i had people to hangout with but i never leave the house except with my boyfriend. when he goes home after staying with me, i get so lonely and i feel bad that i rely so much on him,  just when he stays, it's so nice to have someone to talk to

I live with my girlfriend and it is still lonely. The thing is that when we talk it's always very deep. We don't just hang out. I don't always want to talk about "us" and of course it's almost impossible to talk about her  to her. And of course she is not dealing with the same issues that I am, at least not in the same way. Of course I am an issue to her.

[noeleena]

Hi,

Im 66  and  do know what its like,  Never really had friends  at any of 4 schools i went to. was it because i was different in some ways yes in others no.  put it this way i never had close friends to go out with,

A few later on when i was working though still very few, knowing your a loner helped me because i did many different things through out my life  yes many people around just a hand full of friends,

Now its very different many friends most are women like myself and a few men as well though thats surprising .  One detail is joining many groups  with ours our membership is over 1000 people and i work with and get on well with age can come acceptance for most its not who's got the best or most or largest ,
its about being close to talking about things that interest those involved , for us its about familes work and what we are wearing for our groups, or doing, you have to get out there join in be part of and bacome a member , if you stand out side looking in then dont expect to have friends they cant get to know you while your on the out side, you  wont acceptance then join a group or two and be involved,

I have done it im very well accepted and yes if you like in the inner circle ,
You just have to put yourself out there, iv done it in all our groups and im in charge of much of what we do .

I spent much of my life keeping away from males unless thier wifes were with them i have my really close friends and can talk about any thing , its about trust i go over sea's and i make friends very easerly  because i take the time to get to know others and spend time with them ,

you may not think this from what iv said , im was shy an introvert hated being around people  could not get two lines togeter and explain things to others dyslixca is an issue and a major one for myself in lots of ways, my issues have not gone away i just skirt around them, , yes well i try......

After you been interviewed for TV talked to many 100's of people and and cant read from notes or essays  you do it all from memory some 2000 and more word essay's each group you do a new essay ,

youd say i dont have issues,  well some 20 years ago had i been asked to stand in front of large groups of people i would have walked away and said a very strong ....NO.... i know what its like being on the outer .and no real friends other than my few close friends,

...noeleena...

[lilacwoman]

I never had any friends because I didn't want to do anything male and esepcially when I got into my teens and then working and then once I had my own place I just wanted to be female and that made me decline any overtures about socialising.
Once I transitioned and could be myself I started with friends and its very nice arranging shopping trips, lunches, sports with other women.

[Eva Marie]

I never had any friends either. Guys detected something.... off.... about me and avoided me, and girls thought that I was a guy and only wanted to date me, until they too figured out that there was something.... off... about me. I know now what the "off" thing was 

As a result of being rejected for all of my life I finally just gave up, went into my shell, and socially isolated myself for many, many years. I decided that I just didn't need any friends and I would do without them. I went to work each day and came home at night and that's about it.

Now that I'm transitioning I've found that Eva is quite the social butterfly (who knew?), and I really enjoy meeting people and being social. Just sitting around every night with nothing to do will not cut it anymore.

So how am I going about forming a new social life and meeting people? In a word - involvement. Yes, it can be uncomfortable, but I'm involving myself activities that interest me, and by doing so I'm making social connections and I'm meeting all kinds of new, cool people. I know that some deeper friendships will eventually evolve from me doing that, and in the meantime I'm staying quite busy.

It is said that personal growth only happens past the end of your comfort zone, so in order to grow you must get used to the idea of being uncomfortable.

It's the very same thing that noeleena mentioned - she said that she was very uncomfortable giving speeches but she went ahead and did it anyway, and she made friends as a result of doing that. By putting yourself out there and getting involved in things you like and perhaps making yourself feel uncomfortable along the way you'll meet others that have similar interests. This gives you something in common to start forming a friendship with these people that you meet.

[Lauren5]

I'm very lonely too. My roommate, besides being a guy, rarely talks, and I don't really have any close girlfriends; my two closest friends are non-binary (and even then, since they're dating, I feel like they're not as close to me as they were.) I feel like I'm just tagging along when I'm with any of my other friends.

I consider myself introverted; I could spend hours pouring over data and my spreadsheets, writing, reading, but in the end of the day I really just want someone to hang out with for a while, have at least one person to be there whenever I need them. So far, at least IRL, I haven't found this.

[Joanna Dark]

it doesn't matter how many people you're around lonliness is a condition of the mind. Plus if maybe it's not being trans that sets people off, it's negativity. I notice a lot of people blame everything on eing trans but no one usually knows so how could that be? Really to make friends be happy. That's it. People like happy people. Not trying to upset peeps, just help. If you're transitioning, this will be harder and might be transness then. But I have more friends now then since 2008 when I had a couple good friends so being trans isn't hurting but also I blend very well so peeps don't stare so I imagine that helps. And my BF is an extro vert so that helps too.

[King Malachite]

I know how you feel.  Outside of the internet, I can probably count the number of *good* friends (and not just associates) I've had throughout my life with less than 5 fingers.  Even on the internet, I find it hard to make friends.

[Lauren5]

I know how you feel.  Outside of the internet, I can probably count the number of *good* friends (and not just associates) I've had throughout my life with less than 5 fingers.  Even on the internet, I find it hard to make friends.

You have me as a friend
Don't forget, we're having a pizza party if we ever meet up

[stephaniec]

yea, loniness

[King Malachite]

You have me as a friend
Don't forget, we're having a pizza party if we ever meet up

That's true!  I could go for one right now.   

[latoya fox]

just glad i'm not the only one who feels this way, thank you ladies.