estrogen/testosterone feelings question

[Shana-chan]

So, I was just wondering if because you have T in your system or E in your system which out weighs the other, if it could make you honestly feel like a male (T) or Female (E) even though you know you aren't the gender you're feeling at the time? The reason I ask is because if I was to start on E, I can't help but wonder if my feeling like a guy at times would go away or not? In other words I'm trying to figure out if I'm at times male, at other times female and at other times in between but even still, I know I'm a female.

[sam79]

Hi Shana! I think you're going to get a range of different views to this question.

Distinctly, since just a child, I felt and identified as female inside. That never changed. And while I tried to act male prior to transition, and even enjoyed some male situations, I'd never felt male. That's all about identity, and hormones don't really directly impact it. But I've never felt like a guy, so mine is a limited point of view.

If you feel like a guy sometimes, or identify as a guy sometimes, then perhaps you're more fluid in terms of gender identity. Something to really process, and/or talk to your therapist about.

But as a direct answer, I don't believe hormones ( either T or E ) will change your gender identity.

[Tori]

Of course you can feel male on E or female on T or vice versa. Self image is conceptual, just like gender. Nothing wrong with feeling one way or the other... that would be like blaming yourself for your dreams. You can feel one way one moment and the other in the next.

Edit: Fixed an incomplete and misleading thought. Post now says what I intended in the first place.

[Ms Grace]

Couldn't say for sure - but most cis kids have a sense of their gender well before sex hormones hit and their bodies develop. For trans people all the hormones do during puberty is push us further away from our identified gender. Taking HRT should help to swing the physical lever back somewhat - but I can't say HRT has made me feel emotionally/mentally more feminine, just more normal! 

[Jennygirl]

Totally agree w/ Tori!

I think you're going to find that E is just another pie slice out of the whole transition process. It does help, but it probably won't be the end-all solution.

Also, gender isn't confined to the binary roles of male and female. Gender is extremely fluid, and you should never even have to worry about if you feel like a male or female. Ultimately, with the lifepath that we have been given as transsexuals, there is usually a bit of both in there and it can be overly apparent to us- even possibly a cause for some transition anxiety.

Cisgender folks feel the same thing (gender fluidity is not limited to trans people), but many do not know how to express it and fear going against what society and culture expects.

I think the big takeaway here is that you should just learn to accept yourself regardless of gender. If something makes you happy, then do it. Try not to get hung up on the question if you are male or female "enough". You are you, you are unique, and nobody can tell you otherwise (not even society at large). Being trans gives us a shining opportunity to truly express this fact, perhaps much more freely than the average cis person. ->-bleeped-<- does have its perks

[kathyk]

Don't know how old you are, but for those years you've had to deal with yourself in the wrong gender.  That's obviously going to make you question things.  But, when E is added to the mix and T is blocked you will most likely just feel more complete.  You're not going to instantly become a girl like we all kind of dream about, but your outlook on life and how you fit into life changes. 

Give us a post about how you feel a couple weeks after you start E and an AA to lower your T levels.

[stephaniec]

ever since being a child I've thought in terms of not being male. I don't really know what its like to think female. All I know I've never fit into the male way of thinking. I've had male friends but I was always putting up a shield to hide behind. Since starting HRT , I feel more mental freedom to think as a female as how I look at every day experiences .I feel a lot more at ease looking a females in terms of the clothes they have on and their hair styles . I'm always aware of who I am. I think as I slowly change physically I can visually see my femininity and its quite pleasing , but I'm only at 4 months so some times my maleness tries to take charge. Then I see my self in a window and see femininity shining through, It's definitely a weird stage to be in.

[Randi]

I feel uniquely qualified to answer your question, because I was diagnosed as hypogonadic (low t) several years ago. I was prescribed T injections.

I was always able to keep my dysphoria under control until I had been on T about six months.  It hit me like a ton of bricks and eventually I switched to estrogen.

Childhood memories which I had suppressed for decades bubbled up into my consciousness.  I remembered wanting to be a girl and actually believing I would become one at some  point.

This paradox is something the trans psychologist Anne Vitale has written about.  With people like me, as long as the estrogen is kept at a reasonable level, the dysphoria goes away.  I just feel normal.  When I take T, the dysphoria becomes nearly unbearable and I am driven to do something about it.

http://www.avitale.com/TNote15Testosterone.htm

My doctor tells me I need either testosterone or estradiol to be healthy.  I chose estradiol.

Randi

[JaneNicole2013]

I can't speak for anyone else, of course, but after 4.5 months on HRT I've noticed a shift in my emotional responses. Instead of anger and frustration, I get pouty. I actually catch myself saying/doing things ex gf's have done in the past. It's definitely given me a new perspective, that's for sure. The other day I just wanted to cry and be held. That's unusual for me. Not sure if it's the meds, the ability to express myself better, or a combination thereof, but I've definitely been able to relate to women better than in the past--especially watching TV/movies. I can really empathize with the female characters now. Before I couldn't really empathize with anyone.

Jane

[Carolynn]

I feel uniquely qualified to answer your question, because I was diagnosed as hypogonadic (low t) several years ago. I was prescribed T injections.

I was always able to keep my dysphoria under control until I had been on T about six months.  It hit me like a ton of bricks and eventually I switched to estrogen.

Childhood memories which I had suppressed for decades bubbled up into my consciousness.  I remembered wanting to be a girl and actually believing I would become one at some  point.

This paradox is something the trans psychologist Anne Vitale has written about.  With people like me, as long as the estrogen is kept at a reasonable level, the dysphoria goes away.  I just feel normal.  When I take T, the dysphoria becomes nearly unbearable and I am driven to do something about it.

http://www.avitale.com/TNote15Testosterone.htm

My doctor tells me I need either testosterone or estradiol to be healthy.  I chose estradiol.

Randi

Thank You for the link Randi. I often wonder would I respond better to E or T. in my head I think E but if there were a test I would take it

[carrie359]

Ditto that Randi,
Same thing happened to me..
I had low T and doc said  he wanted to prescribe.. I was miserable.
On E now and wow life is so good..
I can say that on E my wife thinks I act differently.. more timid and my posture when sitting is more female and I don't do it on purpose.. just seems natural. I also get a little childish.. A realtor was sitting across the table from me the other day and I was rocking my chair back and forth like a 10 year old and my wife kicked me.. I did not even know I was doing it..then I could barely keep laughing at the situation..  I think its just because I am so relaxed now..
Carrie

I feel uniquely qualified to answer your question, because I was diagnosed as hypogonadic (low t) several years ago. I was prescribed T injections.

I was always able to keep my dysphoria under control until I had been on T about six months.  It hit me like a ton of bricks and eventually I switched to estrogen.

Childhood memories which I had suppressed for decades bubbled up into my consciousness.  I remembered wanting to be a girl and actually believing I would become one at some  point.

This paradox is something the trans psychologist Anne Vitale has written about.  With people like me, as long as the estrogen is kept at a reasonable level, the dysphoria goes away.  I just feel normal.  When I take T, the dysphoria becomes nearly unbearable and I am driven to do something about it.

http://www.avitale.com/TNote15Testosterone.htm

My doctor tells me I need either testosterone or estradiol to be healthy.  I chose estradiol.

Randi

[Allyda]

I suspect I've had low T for years. However I wouldn't mention it to my doctor for that reason, I was afraid he'd prescribe T, when I knew I needed E. My last family practitioner was old school type from a country where they value masculinity heavily -well the men do anyway. Heck most of their modern buildings look like giant phallusses, lol. There was no way I was telling him I had no sex drive or about the other symptoms I knew I had describing low T. T was the last thing I wanted. I was also afraid to tell him I was a transgender woman for this very same reason. His mannurism's around me told me how he'd react. Of course there was no hiding how femminine I look so he thought I was gay. I explained to him I was not (to a point just up to the truth), but after a while I got so frustrated with him I just let him think what he wanted. He's retired now so I have a younger more trans friendly doctor.