androgyne cool? Talkin' charisma, babies!

[RebeccaFog]

Hi everyone,

   I was reading Pica Pica's post in the androgyne invisibility thread and I got an idea.
   PP was talking about being able to become the center of attention with ease. Then I thought about the fact that people have always seemed to like me. When I was in school, some of the most cool kids would choose me as their friend. I haven't had a lot of trouble with others, just a couple of idiots who started with everyone else indiscriminately.

  So, the subject of this thread is: Do androgynes have a natural cool?
  How many people seem to either draw other people, or just get along easily with others despite the feelings of discomfort that most of us have sometimes?

  We all know the Wishfire is the epitome of cool, so let's not try to become discouraged in comparison with him. 

[Laurry]

Let's get it out, right up front...I have NEVER been cool.  I was friends with the popular kids in High School (lo those many ages ago), but didn't get invited to the parties.  I was, and still am, a geek.

Now that that is out of the way, I have always been one that everyone seems to confide in.  I know more stuff about more people than I really care to.  I don't know if it is a personality type that puts folk at ease, or if it is my androgyny (which was always there, but has only been acknowledged and accepted for about a year), but even guys will talk about their relationship problems with me.  I can't tell you how many women have confided their marital difficulties.  (What's up with husbands who have incredibly sexy wives and aren't interested in sex no matter what she does? Amazing!?!)

Have you ever been sitting with 2 people who are arguing...they both are saying the same thing but don't realize it?  I have always been able to translate for them so they can understand each other.  I'm not talking about a different language, but rather being able to use the right words so that each can grasp the idea without becoming defensive.  Well...two other people...had problems trying to get my ex-wife to understand, but it wasn't my fault...I swear...LOL

So, friends with just about everyone...able to see multiple sides of an issue...accepted and trusted by most, but cool???  Nah.

What is cool about me, tho, is that I live in my own world and what people think about me is becoming less and less important the older I get.  This gives an appearance of confidence and self-assurance, both of which are required to be cool.

Plus, even though I try, I still can't dance. Ya can't be cool if ya can't dance.  Throw a few drinks down my throat and I don't care that I can't dance, I'll get out on the floor anyway.  Sad, really. 

So, a geek I am and a geek I will remain.  Actually, I think about being cool like I think about being a man...I know what it is, but it ain't me.  And ya know what?  I'm perfectly OK with that.

.....Laurry

[Shana A]

I wasn't considered cool as a kid or teenager, just a nerdy musician and bookworm. I'm still a nerdy musician, although very much a loner, I don't have any problems relating to other people. I don't know if I have natural cool or not as an androgyne, it's probably for someone else to tell from the outside.

And yes, Wishy is totally cool!

zythyra

[Tay]

I was a complete and utter outcast.  I still am, except in some VERY particular circles, such as anime conventions.

I'm actually a preferred panelist at Anime North's Yaoi subcon.  I get invited to panels I'm not booked for because I'm loved there.

Otherwise?  Complete outcast.

[RebeccaFog]

       I think there is such a thing as a "quiet cool" where a person can fit Laurry's description but they wouldn't necessarily think of themselves as cool.  I count having cool kids choose us as their friends as being cool.  Maybe it's an introverted cool as opposed to their extroverted cool.

      Once we gather more experiences here, maybe we can get an idea of whether or not we have personalities that inherently draw people to us.

      When I was in the depths of my very long depression, I would speak to people in a way that I thought was rude, then when I went around apologizing, they said they hadn't noticed that I was being snippy. I don't know what this has to do with anything, though. Maybe I'm just thinking that there's something about me that let's people know I care about them even if I myself am in a bad place.

[no_id]

Hm. Honestly? Over the last few years I have always been the popular kid. During my junior and senior year I was the one who threw the parties of the year, and I was the one who set the rules. I have no problem becoming the center of the room or making friends. Now, I don't know whether that's because I supposedly have a 'cool' personality, and more likely attribute it to my 'I really don't care what you think of me' atitude. After all, whenever I'm confronted with a new group the beginning is rather straining; I'm not understood, labeled as a 'weirdo', and people just can't pinpoint who I am. Nevertheless, once they get to know me a bit or at least get used to me all of the above transform into 'cool'.

The funny thing is that I really, never have the intention of becoming popular, and rather view myself as a jester. Additionally, as Pica Pica said, whenever I've been socialising/surrounded by a lot of people for a certain amount of time I always need to retreat and take a breather since it sucks up my energy.

On the bright side though, a certain 'power' comes along with being popular, and I'm glad that during my high school years it has allowed me to keep people from getting bullied, and present subjects that were worth giving some thought (my senior research presentation was on 'homesexuality is biologically determined' (/thesis), and the majority of the student body approached me afterwards thanking me for broadening their horizon).

Nevertheless, whether that has to do with being androgyne, I wouldn't know.
Feel free to love me, feel free to hate me. Just know you can't break me.

[Kendall]

I was cool in the sense of Napoleon Dynamite.

Unusual quiet artist that would paint a beautiful mermaid one minute then sculpt a horrific monster the next, draw awesome fashion illustration pieces, then make insane porcelain Chucky (like the Child's Play evil doll) doll, then draft out a multilinear small skyscraper building.

Everyone knew me, but I wasnt popular. I was sorta mysterious.

Reverend K.

[RebeccaFog]

I was cool in the sense of Napoleon Dynamite.

Unusual quiet artist that would paint a beautiful mermaid one minute then sculpt a horrific monster the next, draw awesome fashion illustration pieces, then make insane porcelain Chucky (like the Child's Play evil doll) doll, then draft out a multilinear small skyscraper building.

Everyone knew me, but I wasnt popular. I was sorta mysterious.

Reverend K.

Yeah, but did you seem to be respected by various types of people?

Also, this cool thing isn't just about high school, but beyond (just a reminder).

[Kendall]

I dont know. I hope so.

[no_id]

Also, this cool thing isn't just about high school, but beyond (just a reminder).

I used high school as an example since it's one of those places where you are practically forced to be around other people. For me, the same counts for work: everyone knows me, and sees me as a spontaneous/enthusiastic person. Nevertheless, put me in a room with strangers and nothing would change. 

[Tay]

Both no_id and pica pica have brought up the drain of maintaining that energy level of being part of a group and I would like to add to it.

I mentioned that the only circle I am actually popular in is the convention circuit.  That has largely to do with my enthusiasm and ability to create audience participation.

After a long day of panels, I go to my hotel room, take two steps in and LITERALLY collapse on the floor.  Usually I can make it to the Saturday night.  This year, my first collapse came on the Friday night.  I went from a VERY successful 1 hour panel that, due to popularity, ran nearly 3 hours (it was in its first year, too, this panel.  Apparently, I did good.), up the elevator with a smile, got into my hotel room and then proceeded to fall in the door and lie there until one of the people I was sharing the room with fed me some soda pop and put me to bed.  He had to help me with my clothes, as I was wearing dress clothes as part of a costume.  I couldn't move for myself or say anything more than "I'm sorry."

[Mia and Marq]

For many years I've preferred being the center of attention. I was just starting to realize the power of my humor the last couple years of high school but only enough to start to surround myself with a lot of friends. When I got to college I formed a group around me that everyone else in the circle knew everyone else only through me. That remained the case for all of college. If something was going on with any of them, I was there.

After I graduated, those that remained got on without me.

When i returned to the university to take a job there, I again started to build this group around me. As it currently stands I've got social obligations almost every day of the week with only 1 or 2 days where I don't actually have plans any given week.

Would I say I consider myself cool. I'm not sure I would say that but I know a lot of people really want to hang around me.

Is this because of me being an androgyne, yes probably. Marq's straightfoward and direct personality gets peoples attention and Mia steps in to say just the right things. I tell people I only get threatened in a social situation if there are more people trying to be the center of attention. And even then my near spot on wit usually keeps me ahead in the game.

Marq and Mia

[Pica Pica]

      When I was in the depths of my very long depression, I would speak to people in a way that I thought was rude, then when I went around apologizing, they said they hadn't noticed that I was being snippy. I don't know what this has to do with anything, though. Maybe I'm just thinking that there's something about me that let's people know I care about them even if I myself am in a bad place.

That is the 'me-ist' quote I have ever found. There are jokes from my friends about how unnoticable my angers are, and how short any of them seem to last.

I don't know if I have ever been cool. I have always been a misfit, even at my most popular I was compared to Winnie the Pooh, Pooh bear may be many things but cool is not one of them.

But amiable is, I'd prefer to be amiable.

[RebeccaFog]

Maybe I should of used a word other than 'cool'.

I didn't want to just say 'charismatic' either.

Maybe I'm just thinking of 'generally liked', not necessarily popular, but not hated or feared. That's still not it.

Likeable?

Able to draw warm responses from others who are generally jerks to everyone else?

[Laurry]

Maybe I should of used a word other than 'cool'.

Maybe...but then I couldn't make the "I'm so cool I'm frigid" comment...then again, maybe I shouldn't 

Respected, Likeable, Amiable (Way to go, Pooh Bear )...no, not the right word...
Groovy?  Nope
A frood who really knows where his towel is?  Too long
Maybe just "frood"?

Sass, Hoopy, and Frood

Sass
know, be aware of, meet, have sex with

Hoopy
really together guy

Frood
really amazingly together guy

Hence a phrase which has passed into hitch hiking slang, as in "Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There's a frood who really knows where his towel is."

Then again...maybe I should go back to work...yeah, probably

.....Laurry

[no_id]

How about rephrasing it as following:
Do or/and did you have several individuals complimenting your behaviour rather often?

Various examples:

"OMG! You're so freaking awesome!"

"You make the pope look bad."

"You're pretty cool."

"Will you marry me?"

"I'm glad to have met you."

"When I grow up I want to be just like you!" (Got that one once, and spent an hour explaining the kid it was a bad idea.)

"You're freaking hilarious! *pats you on the back so you stumble forward aprox. two to three steps*"

"You're a great person you know that?"

"We should hang out more often."

[Pica Pica]

What about, I don't hate you as much as I thought I did.

[no_id]

What about, I don't hate you as much as I thought I did.

lol xD