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Where'd everyone go?

Started by Joanna Dark, January 17, 2014, 12:12:00 PM

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Cindy

Quote from: Tori on January 18, 2014, 12:47:46 AM
Please Cindy...

Make a bad post so I can disagree with you.

Some of the most sincere posts I have ever made here were justifiably castracized or deleted because I broke unspoken rules. Nobody bans you for breaking them, but you may be smited/watched.

Why are they not written? Well the first two rules of... are...

Ahh rules: I'm not religious but this changed me:

Hillel the Great lived about 2300 years ago.  A man went to Hillel and
challenged, "If you can tell me the whole of the Torah while standing on
one foot I will become a Jew."  Hillel responded, "What is hateful to
thee do not do to another.  That is the whole of the torah.  The rest is
just commentary.  Now go study."

I try to live that, I fail, but I try. I will keep failing and I will keep trying.
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BunnyBee

Quote from: Tori on January 17, 2014, 08:50:03 PM
We were all, "They" once.

This place has a learning curve and it be quite inhospitable for new, big, opinionated personalities, which in turn can inspire them to lash out, causing large ripples of unntended negativity from newbie toward the veteran.

Supporting with terms of "Us/They", can make it particularly hard for, "Them" to know what to say.

We all play a role in the quality of this community's future.

I wasn't talking abt new members when i said they, actually.  But I also won't name anybody.  I just am sad about the shambles trolls leave things in for new members after they finish bashing everything to bits.
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Tori

Quote from: Jen on January 18, 2014, 01:07:37 AM
I wasn't talking abt new members when i said they, actually.  But I also won't name anybody.  I just am sad about the shambles trolls leave things in for new members after they finish bashing everything to bits.

Of course.

This forum is filled with people waiting in the woodwork to just mess with anyone and everyone for no reason at all in order to properly troll.

There should be a subtitle: "Susan's... beware, trolls are actively waiting to mess with you, especially if you know how THIS place should work."

Or, we could just teach our children well...

(Jen, I trust you know I am not picking your past actions apart, just using your point to build upon mine for my own gain... like, how conversations, even importaint ones, work.)


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BunnyBee

Quote from: Tori on January 18, 2014, 01:16:37 AM
Of course.

This forum is filled with people waiting in the woodwork to just mess with anyone and everyone for no reason at all in order to properly troll.

There should be a subtitle: "Susan's... beware, trolls are actively waiting to mess with you, especially if you know how THIS place should work."

Or, we could just teach our children well...

(Jen, I trust you know I am not picking your past actions apart, just using your point to build upon mine for my own gain... like, how conversations, even importaint ones, work.)

I understand your point and am not arguing with it.  I agree that newcomers deserve some latitude and that when drama happens everybody involved, even those not instigating, share some of the blame.  I get it.

Maybe you weren't here when this all happened idk, but these were not children or newcomers that created the toxic environment, nor were they ones open to be taught anything or even people I care to teach.  And it certainly was not for no reason at all.  It was a clash of opposing agendas, both sides hellbent on controlling everybody that goes against their silly worldview.  Some newcomers did fan flames, no doubt, but I don't blame them in the least, because they are new and frankly were being used.

Anyway, I probably phrased something in a way that irked you and drew your ire, because honestly you are arguing with me about something I agree with.  Maybe I came across a little strong in the way I used my language, but this is an issue that actually makes me sad/mad and it isn't exactly easy for me to choose soft phrasing when I feel this way.  That is probably a failing of mine, but I'm upset, I say things, it happens.

We are talking about the fallout of something that happened in the past.  There is a way forward, and this has all happened before btw, things will regrow and flourish again eventually.  We just need to stop being horrible to each other.  It isn't that hard.
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Tori

I have been here for a good while. I am neither a newbie nor a veteran

There was a good year or so where I sat back, watched, and shut up.

I think we speak of the same time.

Be yourself, AND share with the NOOBS, what you learned from those days.

Y'all know it is not rocket science.


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TerriT

I was warned about this a while ago. Trans people run in different circles. We're at so many different places and are fluctuating in so many different ways that friendships come and go very quickly.

There were posters that I felt sympathetic to a year ago. I've seem them achieve their goals and move on. I'm happy for them. But I do feel left behind.

There are posters that I've met that have been unbelievably supportive through pm's. I feel very fortunate to have established them. My primary reason for sticking with this board is due to those relationships.

I do wish that life was as innocent and curious as it was when I first joined.
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Tori

Quote from: Cindy on January 18, 2014, 12:58:23 AM
Ahh rules: I'm not religious but this changed me:

Hillel the Great lived about 2300 years ago.  A man went to Hillel and
challenged, "If you can tell me the whole of the Torah while standing on
one foot I will become a Jew."  Hillel responded, "What is hateful to
thee do not do to another.  That is the whole of the torah.  The rest is
just commentary.  Now go study."

I try to live that, I fail, but I try. I will keep failing and I will keep trying.

Oh for G-d's sake!

Gentile here. Just a long time in NYC. Hebrew and Yiddish rubs off!

Great post.


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Joanna Dark

Hmmm, who'd thunk my topic would get so much traffic? I, myself, just have trouble relating to all the boob topics and a lot of the people on the fence. But I'm pretty adamant about my transition, so, idk. I really don't know how I can help. I still haven't gotten laser even though I could have a million times and spend all my time with my BF, or whatever it is you would call him, and I feel he is moving away from me kinda. Most here like women. I see a woman and I want her boots or bag and the only reason I want to get her out of her jeans is so I can steal them. I even posted an ad and have a tenative date. I'm not exclusive with him but hes gonna get jealous cause he even said something to that effect. Plus, he always mentions it and I told him I'm talking to a guy, a football player (semi-pro), who owns his own business and I wouldprolly be better off with but I can't help that I'm in love and I just don't know if he feels the same. Plus, we havent had sex in a week or barley touched. The only thing he did when I mentioned this guy was make fun of him for being semi-pro.

But maybe I should focus on laser and SRS and going back to school to be a librarian but I focus on him. He does do a lot for me, like let me live with him for basically free. IDK. I mean he does so much for me. so so so much. With my one ex, I was always like she says she loves me but actions speak louder than words and this is like the total opposite situation. Well, I slept with him Wednesday, so that wasn't that long ago. ugh.

I guess I just miss the old days and think that one topic started by the member who dissapeared after that was a nail in the coffin. Not that the site won't recover but idk. It is comforting to know others see what I see and im not insane or overly-sensitive. I wouldn't made it this far if not for this site and my BF and both seem to be on the ropes. Maye I was just crazy for thinking he could ever love me and sometimes lately are just want to run back to the familiar arms of being a dude, no matter how much i sucked at it. But I do have this other guy...I don't know I can't even detransition now even if I wanted too. There's no way these changes are gong away. Hence why i havent gotten laser. I might never pass as male again. Did I just derail my own topic. Just ignore me. I think Ijust need to cry. Maybe i opened a can of worms i shouldnt have with this topc.
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Ltl89

Quote from: Joanna Dark on January 18, 2014, 03:04:27 AM
Hmmm, who'd thunk my topic would get so much traffic? I, myself, just have trouble relating to all the boob topics and a lot of the people on the fence. But I'm pretty adamant about my transition, so, idk. I really don't know how I can help. I still haven't gotten laser even though I could have a million times and spend all my time with my BF, or whatever it is you would call him, and I feel he is moving away from me kinda. Most here like women. I see a woman and I want her boots or bag and the only reason I want to get her out of her jeans is so I can steal them. I even posted an ad and have a tenative date. I'm not exclusive with him but hes gonna get jealous cause he even said something to that effect. Plus, he always mentions it and I told him I'm talking to a guy, a football player (semi-pro), who owns his own business and I wouldprolly be better off with but I can't help that I'm in love and I just don't know if he feels the same. Plus, we havent had sex in a week or barley touched. The only thing he did when I mentioned this guy was make fun of him for being semi-pro.

But maybe I should focus on laser and SRS and going back to school to be a librarian but I focus on him. He does do a lot for me, like let me live with him for basically free. IDK. I mean he does so much for me. so so so much. With my one ex, I was always like she says she loves me but actions speak louder than words and this is like the total opposite situation. Well, I slept with him Wednesday, so that wasn't that long ago. ugh.

I guess I just miss the old days and think that one topic started by the member who dissapeared after that was a nail in the coffin. Not that the site won't recover but idk. It is comforting to know others see what I see and im not insane or overly-sensitive. I wouldn't made it this far if not for this site and my BF and both seem to be on the ropes. Maye I was just crazy for thinking he could ever love me and sometimes lately are just want to run back to the familiar arms of being a dude, no matter how much i sucked at it. But I do have this other guy...I don't know I can't even detransition now even if I wanted too. There's no way these changes are gong away. Hence why i havent gotten laser. I might never pass as male again. Did I just derail my own topic. Just ignore me. I think Ijust need to cry. Maybe i opened a can of worms i shouldnt have with this topc.

I know what you mean.   The trans community is very diverse and we all have different interests and lifestyles.  While I have no issue with transwomen that have wives and children, it's harder for me to relate.  Sometimes age and lifestyles differences can make me feel like an outsider.  There is nothing wrong with that; however, I wish I knew more transgirls that I could relate with.  Then again, I do find a lot in common as well and do like everyone.  Just wish there were more familiar faces and other girls that I could identify with easily. 

In any case, I love the site and wish to help whenever I can.  I just feel like things have changed and my place here is very different.  I feel tentative about things.  And I feel like I have very little to contribute and when I do feel like providing feedback, I'm afraid I'll be misunderstood or it will have some negative impact.   I miss some of the older members and the past environment of the site.  Then again, maybe it was me who changed and not the site. 

And I know what you mean about passing as male.  I feel like I'm coming closer to male fail mode and it's awesome but a little scary.  Soon I'll no longer have a safety net and will have to just go full time because part time will be really hard to do once I cut and style my hair.  It's exciting and amazing; yet reall nerve racking all at once. 

I'm hoping all is well with you and your boyfriend.  It sounds like you may need to vent, so don't hesistate to speak about it if it will help.  Don't feel shy if it will make you feel better.   One thing I would suggest regarless of your relationship is to focus on yourself.  Going back to school or finding your dream career may be a good idea. Whether you are with him or not, it's always nice to know that you have security and stability.  It's fine to love someone and to have a partnership, but it's also a good thing to know that you can survive on your own if need be.  Honestly, I would be careful before depending on any guy for stability, even if you love and have faith in him.
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Tori

Quote from: Joanna Dark on January 18, 2014, 03:04:27 AM
Hmmm, who'd thunk my topic would get so much traffic? I, myself, just have trouble relating to all the boob topics and a lot of the people on the fence. But I'm pretty adamant about my transition, so, idk. I really don't know how I can help. I still haven't gotten laser even though I could have a million times and spend all my time with my BF, or whatever it is you would call him, and I feel he is moving away from me kinda. Most here like women. I see a woman and I want her boots or bag and the only reason I want to get her out of her jeans is so I can steal them. I even posted an ad and have a tenative date. I'm not exclusive with him but hes gonna get jealous cause he even said something to that effect. Plus, he always mentions it and I told him I'm talking to a guy, a football player (semi-pro), who owns his own business and I wouldprolly be better off with but I can't help that I'm in love and I just don't know if he feels the same. Plus, we havent had sex in a week or barley touched. The only thing he did when I mentioned this guy was make fun of him for being semi-pro.

But maybe I should focus on laser and SRS and going back to school to be a librarian but I focus on him. He does do a lot for me, like let me live with him for basically free. IDK. I mean he does so much for me. so so so much. With my one ex, I was always like she says she loves me but actions speak louder than words and this is like the total opposite situation. Well, I slept with him Wednesday, so that wasn't that long ago. ugh.

I guess I just miss the old days and think that one topic started by the member who dissapeared after that was a nail in the coffin. Not that the site won't recover but idk. It is comforting to know others see what I see and im not insane or overly-sensitive. I wouldn't made it this far if not for this site and my BF and both seem to be on the ropes. Maye I was just crazy for thinking he could ever love me and sometimes lately are just want to run back to the familiar arms of being a dude, no matter how much i sucked at it. But I do have this other guy...I don't know I can't even detransition now even if I wanted too. There's no way these changes are gong away. Hence why i havent gotten laser. I might never pass as male again. Did I just derail my own topic. Just ignore me. I think Ijust need to cry. Maybe i opened a can of worms i shouldnt have with this topc.

You did.

But in Soviet Russia, topic derails you.

(Pause for laughs)

You want replys? Make this thread about boobs.


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ThePhoenix

You know, I realized about a week or so ago that my post rate was going way, way down.  Some of that is just reverting to the norm for me.  My stats say I have averaged 2.73 posts per day.  That's about ten times what is normal for me.  A lot of that has been driven by the fact that this site is new to me and I've been exploring and seeing what's out there.  Some of it is driven by other things going on.  At the moment I am engaged with:

-Trans* inclusive healthcare for federal employees;
-The Maryland gender identity bill;
-Planning my 2014 fruit/vegetable/herb garden;
-Hopefully, maybe, if I'm lucky being about to finally get a job again; and
-Trying to figure out what happens to the things I do as organizer and advocate if I do finally get a job again.  Basically I'm thinking a lot about what getting a job would mean for me relationship with the trans* community.

The fact that I also have heat now means that I am no longer confined to my sofa under a pike of blankets when I'm at home, so I've been doing more cooking and other things. 

I also just get sick of talking about myself and about the same topics.  I tend to be more willing to talk for 2-3 months and then I get talked out and stop for 6-12 months at a time.  I'm pretty boring personally and there's only so much I can say about the same topics, with none of that being particularly wise or worth repeating over and over. 

So I'll probably have another burst of activity when one or more of these things change.  But for now, I don't have much to say, and if I did have more to say, I'd be too busy to say it. :)
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stephaniec

Joanna I hope the best for you. relationships are a bitch.
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BunnyBee

Quote from: learningtolive on January 18, 2014, 06:42:41 AM
I know what you mean.   The trans community is very diverse and we all have different interests and lifestyles.  While I have no issue with transwomen that have wives and children, it's harder for me to relate.  Sometimes age and lifestyles differences can make me feel like an outsider.  There is nothing wrong with that; however, I wish I knew more transgirls that I could relate with.  Then again, I do find a lot in common as well and do like everyone.  Just wish there were more familiar faces and other girls that I could identify with easily. 

In any case, I love the site and wish to help whenever I can.  I just feel like things have changed and my place here is very different.  I feel tentative about things.  And I feel like I have very little to contribute and when I do feel like providing feedback, I'm afraid I'll be misunderstood or it will have some negative impact.   I miss some of the older members and the past environment of the site.  Then again, maybe it was me who changed and not the site. 

And I know what you mean about passing as male.  I feel like I'm coming closer to male fail mode and it's awesome but a little scary.  Soon I'll no longer have a safety net and will have to just go full time because part time will be really hard to do once I cut and style my hair.  It's exciting and amazing; yet reall nerve racking all at once. 

I'm hoping all is well with you and your boyfriend.  It sounds like you may need to vent, so don't hesistate to speak about it if it will help.  Don't feel shy if it will make you feel better.   One thing I would suggest regarless of your relationship is to focus on yourself.  Going back to school or finding your dream career may be a good idea. Whether you are with him or not, it's always nice to know that you have security and stability.  It's fine to love someone and to have a partnership, but it's also a good thing to know that you can survive on your own if need be.  Honestly, I would be careful before depending on any guy for stability, even if you love and have faith in him.

This sums up my feelings.   I like everybody.  However I am not, and never have been in my life, interested in bra and panty topics lol.  I am not interested in women, so I am also a little left out on those topics too.  Ofc there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, it is awesome if you are gay.  I don't think people shouldn't talk about whatever they want, I just feel like I don't have anything I can say.  Which is fine.

Joanna, I am sorry about your boyfriend.   I think you should work on your own independence, so you don't have to rely on anybody.   Things can go wrong even in the best relationships, and when they do the woman is often left with no way to support herself because she was devoted to her SO while he was devoted to his work.
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TinaMadisonWhite

I'm fairly new to the site.  What I value most is the diversity of opinions and experiences.  I have always thought that I am managing my transition very well.  But I am learning a lot of new coping strategies and fresh perspectives from others.  Thank you!

One theme I picked up on in this discussion string:  A lot of people feel sorrow when someone in the community simply drops off the map.  Why did they do it?   Are they OK?   Is it intended as permanent or a break?

It is human nature to want a mourning process.  Do we have a top-line category devoted to parting remarks?  It might be useful to provide a space where people can tell others things like:  why I'm leaving or taking a break;  what I've gained from this site; people I've especially appreciated.  Even bad break-ups benefit from a constructive sense of closure.
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stephaniec

Quote from: TinaMadisonWhite on January 18, 2014, 12:47:03 PM
I'm fairly new to the site.  What I value most is the diversity of opinions and experiences.  I have always thought that I am managing my transition very well.  But I am learning a lot of new coping strategies and fresh perspectives from others.  Thank you!

One theme I picked up on in this discussion string:  A lot of people feel sorrow when someone in the community simply drops off the map.  Why did they do it?   Are they OK?   Is it intended as permanent or a break?

It is human nature to want a mourning process.  Do we have a top-line category devoted to parting remarks?  It might be useful to provide a space where people can tell others things like:  why I'm leaving or taking a break;  what I've gained from this site; people I've especially appreciated.  Even bad break-ups benefit from a constructive sense of closure.
sounds like a good idea
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amZo

I think the current members are just fine. Especially me.  ;)
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Beth Andrea

I had also noticed the "generational" cliques...I started my transition about Aug 2011, HRT Feb 2012, etc. Those who started near that time frame are of my "generation", and there is a point where we are happy with ourselves, and yet we feel we aren't able to adequately instruct/encourage the next generation (not for lack of trying, LOL...but our perception is that we aren't helping the conversation/topic develop)

Or for any number of reasons, we leave...and come back. It's not always due to hostilities, in my case my divorce was FINALLY finalized, and I got a gf, and finances took a downturn...so I have to carefully manage my time and other resources in order to stay on track for completion of my transition.

*hugs*  to everyone!

:)
...I think for most of us it is a futile effort to try and put this genie back in the bottle once she has tasted freedom...

--read in a Tessa James post 1/16/2017
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Riley Skye

Quote from: Tori on January 18, 2014, 12:57:50 AM
Not a shock you do not relate.

Congrats on your surgery date BTW!

Let me ask you this: If everyone here, when you first joined, did not 'Relate' to you, would you still be here ?

We are a transient community. A community of well dressed hobos.

Kindly help the hop ons before you go.

:)

It was late and I was tired lol. I really meant that I've noticed a lot of people here are at their beginning and no many are into their transitions like I am. As for the whole changing of the guard I'll just say it happens, people come and go and I've noticed this forum seems to attract those just starting and are needing help the most. While those of us who are comfortable in poor loves leave as some don't need the support anymore but others still stay regardless.
Love and peace are eternal
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JRD

Honestly, I don't get a lot of info here, I have gotten a little support from a couple people, they know who they are, but mostly I am here because I like the forum dynamic and I haven't come across another one that I like, not that I'm really looking though.  for years, probably too many, I was a regular on a MySpace forum, primarily L&R. I am actually still friends with a few from there. It wasn't a trans forum, but I liked the type of interaction I got there for the most part. of course, I left it periodically as I have here, but after short breaks, I usually returned. Then they killed the forums and went with "threads" which were a dismal failure and finally they abandoned that kind of socializing altogether. Although the interaction there was usually more charged and newbs often ran for the hills before getting far, I enjoyed the variation in thought and discussion.

I'm not big on voicing my opinion on here nor do I do a lot of back patting, but that's just how I am. I figure most people don't want my advice anyway, they seem to prefer it from people that will tell them what they want to hear more than anything.

I don't even know how long I've actually been a member here, I think a couple years or so now, but can't tell for sure due to not having the original account or even recalling what username I had initially. 

As to people leaving, sure some do, but some come back under different names or at least likely peek in as a guest periodically. Others have likely found other things to do, too busy with life or hold some silly grudge or two and simply can't play well with others.

Now this is about the longest post I think I have ever made here, so if you've made it this far, I feel for you.



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Ltl89

Saying you can't relate to something is not the same as critiquing.  We all have differences, but that doesn't mean we judge those who differ in some respect.  There is a difference.  Let's all save judgement of other people's lives to a more suitable forum and leave it off of a support site where it's not wanted. 
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