How to get your "car" out of a ditch?

[JessieBirdie]

Ok, here it comes...

I know this might be a rhetorical question, but how do you get yourself to like, MOVE and find your way through life when you completely lack any motivation to do so?

Once upon a time, I was this hopeful young person who aspired to transition and just in general become a successful and independent woman out there in the world.  Then depression set in, I lost interest in my studies, switched my major and barely got through college.  Following that, I got two junk jobs and couldn't get myself to move on transition or in my career path much at all.  I don't like my appearance and want to be more feminine so I can pass better (and know I can finally pull it off after being on hormones for 4 years), but I can't seem to get myself past an androgynous appearance, nor can I really dedicate myself to working on that, or hell, even finishing my facial electrolysis, despite my parents' support for everything it is I'm doing and willingness to even pay for the electrolysis or for sessions with an image consultant.

Now I'm 22 years old, unemployed and I can't get myself to move on anything.  I never want to leave my mom's house despite her constant pressure and what not towards me.  Furthermore, my sessions with my gender therapist(s)/psychologist(s) (I recently switched to a new one) seem redundant and pointless.  On top of that I'm unsure where I want to go with my career and bla bla bla and am not motivated enough to really socialize with anyone, even my friends.  I dunno, maybe I'm some spoiled brat, maybe I can't seem to transition to adulthood properly, or maybe I need medication (I'm scared to death of taking psychiatric meds though because I don't like the idea of messing with the inner workings of my brain in such an artificial way like that.  But maybe that's hypocritical with the hormones I'm taking, but oh, whatever).

I'm sick of being stuck in this hole but I just don't have the energy to get out of it.  Help?

[MadeleineG]

Set some personal "SMART" goals.

Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, & Timely

(ex. By the start of April, I will be living in my own apartment, be securely employed, and making more than I spend)

For each goal, determine a series of alternative paths and commit yourself to following them.

[amZo]

My suggestion is a bit of a variation of Gwynne's and I've used it often.

If you wait for your emotional state to change in order to change your actions, you may find yourself "stuck in a rut".

I behave my way out of a rut. I find once I simply change my behavior, my mind is quick to follow. However, I think doing this in a SMART fashion makes a lot of sense.

BTW, what you're going thru is very common at your age. You're at that transitional moment (no pun intended) of life from youth to adulthood.

Get a job, any job and do it well, that will do wonders!

Love,

Mom 

[MadeleineG]

Get a job, any job and do it well, that will do wonders!

I wholeheartedly agree.

Young people often wait for the dream job to fall into their lap. The trick to getting work you enjoy is a combination of willingness to work earnestly at less-desired tasks and willingness to move on graciously when opportunity presents itself.

[JessieBirdie]

I behave my way out of a rut. I find once I simply change my behavior, my mind is quick to follow. However, I think doing this in a SMART fashion makes a lot of sense.

Meh, I know but still, it's like there's a huge dark cloud over my head or something and I don't know how I could get myself to actually just, "change my behavior" like that.  I hate relying on hope that things will get better to keep me going, I feel that's gotten me nowhere so far and only just drained me emotionally over the years.  Furthermore I quite frankly don't know what I want to actually go for vocationally, so setting goals--I don't know how well that would work exactly.  Maybe that would be possible with the trans aspects of my life though as that's more straightforward I guess...hah, go figure.

Young people often wait for the dream job to fall into their lap. The trick to getting work you enjoy is a combination of willingness to work earnestly at less-desired tasks and willingness to move on graciously when opportunity presents itself.

As for working earnestly like that as you say.  Well, I feel that would just push me into some stupid dead end junk position I'd never move up from.  I mean really, my last position was as a Tech Support Agent who did all her work over the phone for 10 months.  I worked my butt off, but that industry pays garbage in general and in fact my boss was a cheapskate who still owes me backpay (he wouldn't pay my full (and quite low) wages and it would add up).  I didn't particularly enjoy the job either, I'm ok with computers and tech and such but that doesn't mean I particularly enjoy working with or fixing the stuff.  (My expertise doesn't go any much further than dealing with consumer tech, either)

So, from what I've seen the workforce nowadays is just so specialized, so you need to get some sort of specialization to really make something of yourself.  I just don't see how you can possibly move from one specialization to another smoothly after discovering that you utterly despise the first one you tried.  It seems like wasted effort and energy to me.  I wish I tried more things when I was in college, I lack real skills for employment atm and am now facing that dilemma of where to go.  I don't want to end up going down a road I can't stand.

[amZo]

Meh, I know but still, it's like there's a huge dark cloud over my head or something and I don't know how I could get myself to actually just, "change my behavior" like that.  I hate relying on hope that things will get better to keep me going, I feel that's gotten me nowhere so far and only just drained me emotionally over the years.

Oh, I'm not suggesting you rely on hope, I'm a firm believer that relying on hope is meaningless and a waste. So, good for you, you're past doing this. I suggest trying something different. Work in a restaurant or grocery store, etc., what's the worst that can happen?

[MadeleineG]

So, from what I've seen the workforce nowadays is just so specialized, so you need to get some sort of specialization to really make something of yourself.  I just don't see how you can possibly move from one specialization to another smoothly after discovering that you utterly despise the first one you tried.  It seems like wasted effort and energy to me.  I wish I tried more things when I was in college, I lack real skills for employment atm and am now facing that dilemma of where to go.  I don't want to end up going down a road I can't stand.

When all else fails, there's always back to school.

If you can swing it, consider going and doing something seriously unpleasant for a short period of time--something like cold-call telemarketing or clear-cut tree planting. You'll find the relative appeal of most prospective work very quickly.

[JessieBirdie]

Oh, I'm not suggesting you rely on hope, I'm a firm believer that relying on hope is meaningless and a waste. So, good for you, you're past doing this. I suggest trying something different. Work in a restaurant or grocery store, etc., what's the worst that can happen?

Getting rejected for the job.
At a place that is supposed to be nice, like starbucks.



^^
That actually happened to me last week.  Thought the interview was going well, she never called back...I didn't want to keep looking and applying after that.

I really think I might just be one to overthink things or overemote, meh.

When all else fails, there's always back to school.

If you can swing it, consider going and doing something seriously unpleasant for a short period of time--something like cold-call telemarketing or clear-cut tree planting. You'll find the relative appeal of most prospective work very quickly.

But I need to decide on something to study, else I'm going nowhere.

But seriously I was thinking just that otherwise to hold me over...see the Starbucks above.

[MadeleineG]

The other thing to consider, depending on your situation, is relocating.

When I graduated from my teaching degree, most of my classmates insisted on staying put and waiting for work. Five years later, many of them are underemployed or have given up. I moved halfway across the country and had a full-time job right away.

Flexibility and compromise are key.

[Adam (birkin)]

I understand the fear of rejection for a job, I personally felt pretty bad when I applied for one and didn't even get so much as a call back. Because really, all my jobs I got within an extremely short period of time, so the rejection was brand new.

But then, having worked with students, taught them, and graded their papers...I realized...the person on the other side doesn't care one way or the other. They probably don't even like the interviewing process themselves, an might even get nervous meeting the new people and asking questions, but it's just part of their job they have to get over. Just because you got rejected doesn't reflect poorly on you and it doesn't mean they judged you in any way. It's just how they felt you were suited for the particular position, and that can be the littlest thing. Maybe someone with a buttload of experience happened to apply. Maybe you were tied really close to another and it was a hard choice.