Experiences with PFLAG

[ThePhoenix]

I often see trans* people referred to PFLAG for support and advice.  But I am wondering how trans* people's experiences with PFLAG have been?

For my part, I have had an often difficult relationship with PFLAG.  My local PFLAG trans* support group advertises that it supports trans* people, but the facilitator has expressly stated that she is only interested in parents and family and trans* people are not welcome in her group.  When I started Maryland Trans*Unity to give trans* people a place to go for support, she had a conniption and tried to get the place hosting us to take away our meeting space.  In February 2013 she kicked me out of the group, supposedly for comments I made in October 2012 that were critical of her favorite activist's suitability as a speaker for the Transgender Day of Remembrance. 

Much the same happens with other PFLAG chapters I've interacted with.  A couple of local PFLAG chapters went against their own national organization to become the sole allies of Gender Rights Maryland in their supposed efforts to pass a gender identity discrimination bill.  Gender Rights Maryland is noticeable for having published op ed pieces claiming that the trans* community already has robust anti-discrimination policies, calling activists who claim that trans* people need legal protections liars, and going on record as not at all willing to allow anyone else, including other trans* people, to work on passing gender identity legislation.  Those same chapters actively suppressed publicity for a rally held to get the gender identity bill passed last year.  Someone else brought the policy director of PFLAG National into efforts to work with the Montgomery County Committee on Hate/Violence on hate prevention on behalf of trans* people.  PFLAG National then told him not to show up for the meeting.  PFLAG folks give awards for trans* activism (not ally activism) to cisgender people and don't even seem to consider trans* people.

Has anyone else had similar experiences with PFLAG?  Or am I just incredibly unlucky?

[LordKAT]

Not been my experience although that is limited.

[IamLIZ]

Sounds like they are only interested in making themselves look good. Don't waste your time or energy with them. Go and find someone that isn't interested in getting acknowledged for their help but is just interested in helping.

[Sir Wafflinton]

the facilitator has expressly stated that she is only interested in parents and family and trans* people are not welcome in her group.

Well that depends what group it was. They are "parents and friends of lesbians and gays" so that group may not have very much to do with the actual queer community, only people coming to terms with / trying to support a child or friend in the community.

My local PFLAG is great, they provide funding for our trans support group, they run a group for parents with children transitioning, and they are consistently trying to ensure they are as inclusive as possible to all kinds of identities.

I am in Australia though so I can't really talk about PFLAG elsewhere. This is just my experience.

[suzifrommd]

My experience with the PFLAG in my area has been generally positive. (Not sure whether we're talking about the same group. I don't know exactly where you live or what PFLAG is nearby.) The person who is their transgender coordinator has told me that she wishes there were more programs for adult transgender people and has encouraged me to get involved and improve that situation. Every time she or any of the other officers describes PFLAG, they specifically mention that it's there as a support for transgender people.

I know there are political concerns about how it has involved itself in the political landscape, but I personally am unwilling to fault a group for using their best judgment on how to involve itself, even if I strongly disagree.

However, I've been trying to be part of an effort to start a support group. the guy who is running it has been friendly and eager, but seems very resistant to any of my ideas and seems uncomfortable with my being involved in leading it. I don't like the way it has started and my concerns have been ignored, which I'm finding very frustrating. Not the fault of the PFLAG chapter, just the guy running the group.

[ThePhoenix]

My experience with the PFLAG in my area has been generally positive. (Not sure whether we're talking about the same group. I don't know exactly where you live or what PFLAG is nearby.)

My local PFLAG would be PFLAG of Metro-DC and they are the ones who were involved in most of what I described.  I've also had dealings with PFLAG of Howard, Baltimore, and Carroll Counties in Maryland and with PFLAG National in D.C.  Of them all, I think that my experiences with Carroll County PFLAG have been the most positive.  But they are also the ones I have dealt with least.

Anyway . . . I'm glad to hear that others seem to have had more luck than I've had.   Maryland is a particularly fractured and difficult place.  When it comes to working on trans* issues in politics and elsewhere, there are many more giant egos and much more contention than seems to exist elsewhere.  Maybe I should just chock it up to being another example of that.

[Kyra553]

I have a good friend who is gay and has invited me to join pflag. He said there are other active trans in pflag here in Kansas. So I guess their good here too? I have not attended a meeting yet. 

[aleon515]

I'm not involved because our trans center here is so wonderful, don't really need anything else, but have heard quite a big range in what they are like, some are very supportive of trans people and some not at all.

--Jay

[greypeacock]

I go to an Eastern oregon PFLAG sometimes and it's been really great for me. It always annoys me when a support group is so... unsupportive.

[JoanneB]

I don't know personally but the Baltimore PFLAG group does some fantastic work. I've meet several of it's members at the MD Senate Trans Rights bill hearings these past few years

[Arch]

I've gone to a few PFLAG meetings in my area, but nobody there knows I am trans. Things have been positive for me in the actual support group although one parent said some particularly clueless and hurtful things to me last time (the facilitators jumped in, so that was good).

The group appears to be very trans-friendly. A trans person (with one or both parents) was at the first meeting I went to, and a trans ally was at the next meeting I attended. I'm not sure about the third meeting. But people were open-minded and positive, and I gather that one of the trans allies is a regular at the meetings.

I am not aware of the political situation in that group. I suppose there could be some jockeying and unpleasantness behind the scenes, but I don't get that impression.