Do you ever feel slightly envious of babies who were born biologically male

[Cindy]

A different perspective if I may.

I work with people who are often at the end of life.

Very few have regrets, we have them for them.

I'm a little upset so please pardon me. I went to a patients funeral recently, her name was Kiki, she was a photojournalist, she died from a very aggressive breast cancer, she had a husband and two children who adored her. She took pics of herself at every stage of her treatment.

As she lost her hair, a trigger for women; curled up in a fetal position as we poisoned her again to try stopping the cancer and she was in pain. Her picture of me as Quack Cindy, ever hopeful always failing; that's me.

My patients always teach me something.

She taught me never to regret. Never be jealous. And we can never have what we want; no matter how much we deserve it

Sorry

[Ayden]

Cindy: I am sorry for the loss of your patient. I lost a patient when I worked in a pharmacy. She had suffered through countless surgeries and in the end there was little modern medicine could do. She was a beautiful person, and the world is a darker place for her loss. Such is the nature of being human, but it does not make it easier. It's never easy to lose someone, and I know that words are paltry things when it comes to loss. I am very sorry for your loss and all I can offer you and her family is hugs from Osaka.

I think that acceptance is an important part of life in general. Even natal folks deal with anguish over their bodies. Two people very close to me suffer from body dysmorphia, one of whom is my partner. He has good days and bad, and at the end of the day he has grown to accept that he is who he is and that is his lot in life. Making peace and accepting is never easy, but it is important.

Nothing can take away that our bodies are not in line with our minds, but at least we have medicine that can help us. It may not be perfect but in the world like it is, it is much better than what our fore-mothers and fathers went through.

Of course, I'm an advocate of self acceptance. YMMV and I am no one to judge. I just encourage everyone to never feel envy, especially with children. I work with them every day, and my life is better for being with them every day.

[aleon515]

Again I already know its not good to dwell on things you can' have. I don't thinl you guys are getting it

I get it Brandon, I'm pretty sure you think I don't. But it would be a very short thread if we just answered your question and not what we might think about it. Or what our experiences have been. So here's how it would go if we just answered your question:

"Yes a couple times. Bill"
"Yes.  Stan"
"No.  Phil"
"Sometimes, well occasionally maybe. Joseph"
"Only teen boys. Ned"
"Trans teens like you.  Jay"

We'd never get the amazing response we got from Cindy.
Envy/jealousy are normal human feelings. It's what you do with it that matters.


--Jay

[Zambie]

From what I've read, it's not unusual for trans people to feel robbed of their childhood. I was depressed about this same thing myself until I realized something: some of those kids who actually get to experience boyhood might not even want boyhood to begin with. Heck, maybe they'll discover they're trans when they're older and feel robbed of their girlhood, who knows? The point I'm trying to make is there's no way to tell, and what might have been really awesome for me might end up being hell for somebody else.

Either way, as hard as it is to not beat myself up over things I can't control, there came a point where I had to let it go and start focusing on the positives, otherwise I would have drove myself crazy. I still do have bad days sometimes (like today for instance) but I'd personally rather exist as a trans guy than not exist at all, and I'm glad I've made the progress I have with my transition. It's helped me learn who my real friends are, and it turns out there's a lot more out there than I thought there were.

[ZombieDog]

I don't get envious of children or babies.  I know that everyone will have feelings of "Oh, I wish something had been different."  When I was a little kid, I remember wishing I had my dad's blue eyes.  My cousin wished she was taller.  My boyfriend wishes he had smaller shoulders.  None of these things can be changed any more easily than gender.  If anything, I'm envious of the trans teens who are getting to transition so young when they'll have a jump start on their transition and don't end up like some of us who are transitioning while in the middle of careers or marriages.

Besides, some babies with penises will grow up to wish they had been born with a vagina.

[Brandon]

From what I've read, it's not unusual for trans people to feel robbed of their childhood. I was depressed about this same thing myself until I realized something: some of those kids who actually get to experience boyhood might not even want boyhood to begin with. Heck, maybe they'll discover they're trans when they're older and feel robbed of their girlhood, who knows? The point I'm trying to make is there's no way to tell, and what might have been really awesome for me might end up being hell for somebody else.

Either way, as hard as it is to not beat myself up over things I can't control, there came a point where I had to let it go and start focusing on the positives, otherwise I would have drove myself crazy. I still do have bad days sometimes (like today for instance) but I'd personally rather exist as a trans guy than not exist at all, and I'm glad I've made the progress I have with my transition. It's helped me learn who my real friends are, and it turns out there's a lot more out there than I thought there were.

I'm pretty sure that not all of thoes babies will not end up that way

[GnomeKid]

hmm, yes, but its not something that overwhelms me.    I'm also thankful super that I don't have a brother. 

[AdamMLP]

I'm pretty sure that not all of thoes babies will not end up that way

Regardless, it doesn't get you any further to be focussing on the ifs, buts, maybes and what is impossible.

Ironically, that sentence was a double negative and you ended up saying that more of those babies will have gender dysphoria than not. There's no way of telling what their lives will be like, its merely wanting a male body, which is what dyphoria is all about.

[Zambie]

Regardless, it doesn't get you any further to be focussing on the ifs, buts, maybes and what is impossible.

Ironically, that sentence was a double negative and you ended up saying that more of those babies will have gender dysphoria than not. There's no way of telling what their lives will be like, its merely wanting a male body, which is what dyphoria is all about.

That's what I'm getting at, it's less about the ifs, ands or buts and more of a coping mechanism: reminding myself that others have struggles of their own helps me feel less defeated and alone when it comes to what my life has thrown at me. I'm not the first and only person to have gone through this, I won't be the last, and while I may not have had a chance to live as a young boy I still have a chance to enjoy my life as a young man. It's not always foolproof, but it works for me sometimes.

[Brandon]

That's what I'm getting at, it's less about the ifs, ands or buts and more of a coping mechanism: reminding myself that others have struggles of their own helps me feel less defeated and alone when it comes to what my life has thrown at me. I'm not the first and only person to have gone through this, I won't be the last, and while I may not have had a chance to live as a young boy I still have a chance to enjoy my life as a young man. It's not always foolproof, but it works for me sometimes.

I already know this I'm not stupid......

[Bimmer Guy]

I already know this I'm not stupid......

Brandon, I believe that Zambie was talking about himself.  Unless someone makes it obvious that they are speaking directly to you, they are just talking about their own experience and how they handle it.

[Brandon]

Well Some of it was refering to me I'm just saying I realize that its not good to focus on the negatives and what you don't have. But thoes feelings still exist is all I'm saying.

[aleon515]

Well Some of it was refering to me I'm just saying I realize that its not good to focus on the negatives and what you don't have. But thoes feelings still exist is all I'm saying.

It's understandable Brandon. You are talking about real human feelings. You can't just wish them away. It MIGHT help (but maybe not) to listen to how others deal wtih these things). Or maybe you're just going to have to learn yourself-- or some combination. But I'm guessing every person alive has envy/jealousy to deal with. Hang in there buddy.

--Jay

[Brandon]

It's understandable Brandon. You are talking about real human feelings. You can't just wish them away. It MIGHT help (but maybe not) to listen to how others deal wtih these things). Or maybe you're just going to have to learn yourself-- or some combination. But I'm guessing every person alive has envy/jealousy to deal with. Hang in there buddy.

--Jay

Thank You

[kaiju]

I used to(and sometimes I still do) feel envious of cis male kids, mainly because I mourn a bit for the childhood I couldn't have and my current state of existence. It happens. It's hard not to be jealous, because it's a natural feeling. However, I found that it just made me feel worse to dwell on those feelings. No one chooses how to be born, so I don't feel right having negative feelings towards a child because they got to be born (presumably) cis. If acknowledging that feeling helps, I'd say go for it. This place is for us to talk about our experiences and feelings safely, even if you can't do it in real life. So if you feel jealous, it's okay. Just realize that it's normal.

[dalebert]

More of young men really.

That's me as well. I would trade my cis-genderness(?) for youth. I feel like I would do so much better my 2nd time around. I learned so much the first time.

[Gene]

I already know this I'm not stupid......

You kind of jump to conclusions about what people are trying to communicate to you, don't you? I don't think anyone here was trying to attack you, and when I read over what was written that you had taken such offense to there was no indication any of it was directed at you or meant to be harmful to you (in fact, the only pronouns used were "I" and "me", indicating they were indeed referring to themselves and not you). They were communicating their feelings and experiences. Maybe you should take a minute to breathe and re-read things before getting in a huff. It'll be okay; I wouldn't lie to you.

That said, jealousy is a normal emotion, but if you let it control you it can be dangerous (I'm not addressing you specifically; I'm using the "you" as in the plural/talking-to-a-crowd-and-not-specifying-anyone "you," just so we're clear). It's healthy to acknowledge those feelings, but it's good to let them go and try to see the good of your situation. For instance, most transgender people know more about themselves than others because they had to question and search the depths of their person to figure out their identity, while cisgender people tend to take their identity for granted. People who are transgender also have powerful insight to the lives of the opposite gender (I don't say sex because as FTMs, we share sex and not gender with ciswomen) which can be quite the advantage to transition. I've lived a lot of my life being perceived as a woman, and still am because I haven't started any physical changes yet. So after transition, I will remember my experiences and be sure not to be a misogynistic jerk who thinks women just complain too much about how they're treated, should never get to choose what happens to their bodies, get paid just fine so shut up, deserve rape because they had the audacity to wear a skirt, or that feminine hygiene products are the most disgusting things ever and I would never get any for female friends or significant others because I'm a man and men don't touch "girl stuff"; an immature attitude all too common amongst most cismen who have never known anything beyond their own male privilege. I can use my male voice and presence to help empower women as a male ally to the women's rights movement. We live in a society where unfortunately people will usually only listen to men, so when men say that women deserve respect and dignity, they'll hear. I would have probably been just as blind to the problems women in our society face as cismen are had I not had this valuable (albeit buggered) life experience.

It's all about perspective, and we choose our perspectives.

[Ryan55]

I get what your saying brandon, I feel like that too sometimes, even to my little cousins, i think lucky bastards lol but then I play with them like I'm a boy and I become their favorite cousin, growing up I was a tomboy, My mom was pretty good at the fact i didn't like girl things, so i played with cars, army men, video games, so it was like I was growing up a boy until middle school when puberty hits, then it went downhill and its like wait i'm different then my guy friends now, so I tried to fit in, until recently when I realized I'm not happy and I want to be a guy, ->-bleeped-<- it

[Brandon]

I get what your saying brandon, I feel like that too sometimes, even to my little cousins, i think lucky bastards lol but then I play with them like I'm a boy and I become their favorite cousin, growing up I was a tomboy, My mom was pretty good at the fact i didn't like girl things, so i played with cars, army men, video games, so it was like I was growing up a boy until middle school when puberty hits, then it went downhill and its like wait i'm different then my guy friends now, so I tried to fit in, until recently when I realized I'm not happy and I want to be a guy, <not allowed> it

Well I'm thankful that I do fit in, With my guy friends and that they see me as one, So I do get alittle bit of a teen boyhood

[randomroads]

Babies disgust me, so I never feel any jealousy over them. Toddlers and older children I adore, but again - I've never felt any jealousy over them. I believe that means that I'm mature and able to comprehend that everyone, even young children, have problems in their lives and I just have my own set to deal with.