Any of you have a marriage that survived transition?

[TessaMarie]

This was one of the first threads in which I posted, only 2 weeks after I admitted to myself & my wife that I was transgender.

I feel I should give an update, even if the thread is a bit old.

Last Thursday, on her birthday, my wife told me that she is looking forward to the two of us becoming old women together.

While I have been on E for almost 7 months, I am still presenting male all the time, even at home.  But not as entirely male as before.  The changes have been small and slowly taken, because that is all I am able to deal with.  Herself seems to be coping with me being trans far better than I am.

Our marriage is as strong as ever   

Tessa

[Yukari-sensei]

I will not say my marriage has survived transitioning, but I will say my marriage is surviving my transition...

My wife and I have been together in a relationship for nearly ten years and have just finished our first year of marriage successfully.
Prior to our engagement, I expressed my fear of my previous transgender expressions; she accepted my proposal anyway. 10 years later, when the stress finally hit critical mass after burying two close friends (one of whom was a mere 3 years older than me) I realized I could not bear to take my true self to my grave... I feared dying without ever living... She insisted I seek gender therapy, and between the two of them, I have found my way. Since then, she has helped me find my way and take the first steps into womanhood. Despite her protests that she is not a lesbian, she has unwaveringly supported me and repeated her love for me - regardless of my gender. Each step taken forward is with great trepidation, not for the fear of changing, but rather for pushing her away in the process. She continues to defy expectations and reaffirm her love.

Her only request has been for me to keep some parts I don't want because they make her happy... Marriage is about compromise and if I have to keep them to keep her, the price is worth paying for such a wonderful woman with such a beautiful soul.

So is it possible for a marriage to survive transition? I don't know, but I hope to prove it is possible... After all, "Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds"

[Shantel]

I will not say my marriage has survived transitioning, but I will say my marriage is surviving my transition...

My wife and I have been together in a relationship for nearly ten years and have just finished our first year of marriage successfully.
Prior to our engagement, I expressed my fear of my previous transgender expressions; she accepted my proposal anyway. 10 years later, when the stress finally hit critical mass after burying two close friends (one of whom was a mere 3 years older than me) I realized I could not bear to take my true self to my grave... I feared dying without ever living... She insisted I seek gender therapy, and between the two of them, I have found my way. Since then, she has helped me find my way and take the first steps into womanhood. Despite her protests that she is not a lesbian, she has unwaveringly supported me and repeated her love for me - regardless of my gender. Each step taken forward is with great trepidation, not for the fear of changing, but rather for pushing her away in the process. She continues to defy expectations and reaffirm her love.

Her only request has been for me to keep some parts I don't want because they make her happy... Marriage is about compromise and if I have to keep them to keep her, the price is worth paying for such a wonderful woman with such a beautiful soul.

So is it possible for a marriage to survive transition? I don't know, but I hope to prove it is possible... After all, "Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds"

Excellent post, reads exactly like what I have been writing all along! 

[TessaMarie]

I will not say my marriage has survived transitioning, but I will say my marriage is surviving my transition...

So is it possible for a marriage to survive transition? I don't know, but I hope to prove it is possible... After all, "Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds"

I like your phrasing, Yukari        (and the Erasmus & Shakespeare quotes)

Your words capture my situation very well.  My marriage has survived this far.  My wife tells me that, for now, she is OK with where I am & where I seem to be going.  She also tells me that she cannot know how exactly she will respond to some of those future changes, so the best she can give me is:  "For now".  "For now" works.  Future bridges are in the future.  We can worry about them when we come to them.

My wife & I are also hoping to prove it possible for a marriage to survive transition.  So far, life is good 

Tessa

[sweetlittlemisery]

Very interesting discussion. I have known my partner for 17 years and we've been together for almost 13 (been in a civil partnership for 3). They told me about their trans feelings  2 years ago this month, and I've been as positive and supporting as I can. I had never identified as lesbian- I simply fell in love with one of my closest friends and that won't change. We talk frequently about his transition, fears, hopes etc and are open about it all  (and I love noticing little differences due to hormones.) I go to as many appointments with him as I can (difficult because the hospital is hundreds of miles away and you have to fly), I helped choose his new name and overall, I just want him to be happy I'm just really sorry that not everyone is able to stay together...

[ZombieDog]

I'm not married yet, but I'm in a long term(4+ year) relationship that's headed for marriage if it ever becomes legal for two men to marry in our state.  When we got together I was a woman and I stayed that way for the first 3 years of our relationship.  I was honest about my feelings about my gender and he was supportive.  I was afraid of what would happen if I did a full blown transition, but he'd handled it very well.  Our relationship hasn't changed in quality at all, if anything it's gotten better because I'm happier.  He loves me for who I am, not what I look like.  To quote him, "I love you for who you are, not the package you come in."

He calls me his boyfriend or fiance and we handle new situations as they come up.  It's like any other obstacle in a marriage to us, this one's just a little different than, say, money or how many children to have.

I think one of the biggest transition relationship destroyers is the kind of emotional turmoil that trans* people go through during transition.  Their partners not only have to deal with this but their own emotional changes.  Honesty and openness is best.  Even if what you have to say is hurtful it's better to set things straight as early as possible rather than letting them languish in misery.  And I've had to make myself make time for him because during transition you can get so wrapped up in yourself that you don't notice other things.

[TessaMarie]

I think one of the biggest transition relationship destroyers is the kind of emotional turmoil that trans* people go through during transition.  Their partners not only have to deal with this but their own emotional changes.  Honesty and openness is best.  Even if what you have to say is hurtful it's better to set things straight as early as possible rather than letting them languish in misery.  And I've had to make myself make time for him because during transition you can get so wrapped up in yourself that you don't notice other things.

THIS !

Very well said, Z-Dog 

These have been two most important factors that have held my marriage together.  They cannot be overstated.

Tessa

[Shantel]

THIS !

Very well said, Z-Dog 

These have been two most important factors that have held my marriage together.  They cannot be overstated.

Tessa

+1 This and ZombieDog's comments reflects my own experience and opinion perfectly also!