Aspergers

[Riley Skye]

So I had my psychiatrist appointment earlier today and she gave me a bunch of samples for an anti-depressant she wants to put me on. Also during my appointment we talked further and she diagnosed me with Aspergers Syndrome. After talking for a good hour with her it honestly feels like someone finally is able to understand me. I've been so frustrated with myself and my mind my whole life. Until recently I never understood why I had so much trouble socializing with others, why I could never understand them and why I always felt so different from everyone. Kids in high school would bully me for being different, awkward and creepy. What few friends I've had would still tease me. People who I would try to talk to but never could tell they were uninteresting. It got to the point where I was scared to talk to people and I always ended up being and feeling really awkward.  I always wanted more friends and I still don't really understand what people mean by saying it's better to have a few close friends. I'm trying to have what every other person in my life has but I find that I'm always feeling like I'm way too lonely and can never tell if I'm being too needy or clingy. I just want to be normal and I really hope my psychiatrist and therapist can really help me.

[JessieBirdie]

Well, I bet that's a load off, right?

Anyway, I think I mentioned to you on another thread I was personally diagnosed with High-Functioning Autism (basically Asperger's with a language delay) when I was a child.  I was and to an extent, still am just like you (I was put through tons of different therapists and saw all sorts of specialists when I was a child to learn some skills to mitigate various autistic symptoms on a daily basis).

I know it's nice to have an explanation for it all, but don't let it limit your potential or define you in any way.  I've seen so many aspies who define themselves by their syndrome and never really try to get anywhere in life as they use it as an excuse.  Don't be one of those people.  Oh, and don't hate yourself for being an Aspie ofc.  In a way it's like being trans, it's part of who you are and just a given you have to overcome and accept.

Also, with dealing with the various "symptoms", practice really makes perfect when it comes to that, and sometimes although you might hate it, you kinda need to throw yourself into the fire so to speak and challenge yourself to improve your abilities .

Oh and yeah, if you're looking for an autism/asperger's specific forum online, you can try wrongplanet.net.

[Jamie D]

We have quite a few members here who fall somewhere on the autism spectrum.  I hope a few more chime on this topic.  One of the coolest guys here, particularly when it comes to music, has Aspergers.  Extremely knowledgeable and musically talented.

That's a special form of support, which we need.

[Riley Skye]

I just want to be able to live normally. I haven't really looked for a job since I started to four years ago because I am so nervous, I don't goto my teachers for help and keep to myself from other students. I feel like I don't know what to do or say and feel as if I'd say the wrong things without even knowing or realizing it. I feel that if I'd talk to teachers they would chastise me to no end. With other students I feel they don't talk to me even if I try to talk to them because I'm awkward and can't tell how they see me. I would also love to write poetry, songs and really play the guitar. I know how I feel but I can never translate it to words or music, I feel inspiration but I just can't do anything with it. More often then not I feel like I act really childish in my everyday life. I've actually lost friends because I could never tell if I'd upset someone. I would also continue to do something that would upset them because I thought what ever it was is just perfectly acceptable. I really have a hard time taking others feelings into account and I always have to have something my way. If I'm interrupted when doing something I get very upset too. With my anxiety and depression I get very over emotional with everything. I just want to live normally and I'm really hoping therapy can help me with it rather than continue as I am.

[CalmRage]

i'm an aspie. got diagnosed rather early

We have quite a few members here who fall somewhere on the autism spectrum.  I hope a few more chime on this topic.  One of the coolest guys here, particularly when it comes to music, has Aspergers.  Extremely knowledgeable and musically talented.

That's a special form of support, which we need.

you mean me? not that i'm cool, hell no, not talented either, just admittedly very knowledgable.

one thing i've noticed is that at least some aspies, me included, put on a mask to hide their aspergers from others. mine cracked almost completely in early 2013 but that also means many of my issues have returned somehow. i used to stay away from other aspies on purpose too, but now i'm good friends with an aspie girl, so i've realized that there's nothing bad about it, we all have our issues.

[RobinGee]

I'm pretty sure I would be considered to have had high functioning Aspberger's as a kid.  Still show a lot of signs.  I have a lot of coping strategies, but when they fail they FAIL

[MadeleineG]

My son has a AS and had the diagnostic pendulum been swing that direction as a child, I'd have probably been placed there, too.

You might be interested to read about Michel Foucault's view of mental illness.

[CalmRage]

My son has a AS and had the diagnostic pendulum been swing that direction as a child, I'd have probably been placed there, too.

You might be interested to read about Michel Foucault's view of mental illness.

that word.......

i hate that word. i'm not mentally ill.

no offense intended

[MadeleineG]

that word.......

i hate that word. i'm not mentally ill.

no offense intended

No offense intended. I don't think you're mentally ill. And neither does Foucault. His ideas are important because he discusses the ways in which society categorizes people's affect as healthy and unhealthy.

[Miss_Bungle1991]

I've never been tested for anything like that. I probably fall in that spectrum somewhere considering what some of the symptoms are. But, honestly, as far as the socialization thing is concerned, that sounds more like one of my family members than it does myself. Yeah, I went for a REALLY long time where it was difficult for me to socialize with people. But, I think that it had more to do with my childhood and the fact that I was stepped on by so many of my peers when I would try to socialize, that I just gave up. But there have been several times since my transition that I've been around complete strangers and I've felt very comfortable speaking with them.

I had one instance last November where I played at a Noise show and 99% of the people there I had never met in my life. But, I could speak to them as if they were old friends. I could never do that in the past.

As far as the meds thing is concerned: Yeah, I'm on a couple of meds due to some weird panic attacks that popped up out of nowhere (including one anti depressant, which I was very skeptical of in the beginning. But, it worked out well so it's okay) But I'm not on any other meds for any other reasons. (Other than my E, of course.)

[amZo]

I'm trying to have what every other person in my life has but I find that I'm always feeling like I'm way too lonely and can never tell if I'm being too needy or clingy.

Think of those people in your past and present that you feel have it 'going on', they have the 'it' factor.

Got those images?

They've all got issues. They all have insecurities, etc. They look at others as having 'it' just like you.

Trust me on this one.

[Jamie D]

i'm an aspie. got diagnosed rather early

you mean me? not that i'm cool, hell no, not talented either, just admittedly very knowledgable.

one thing i've noticed is that at least some aspies, me included, put on a mask to hide their aspergers from others. mine cracked almost completely in early 2013 but that also means many of my issues have returned somehow. i used to stay away from other aspies on purpose too, but now i'm good friends with an aspie girl, so i've realized that there's nothing bad about it, we all have our issues.

Yeah you!

[Lauren5]

My mother said she always expected Asperger's to be the reason I was socially uninvolved as a child, but when I told her about being trans, and how it made me feel socially isolated, she quickly burst into tears and said that she would have rather me been diagnosed with ASD than GID.

I've considered asking about it again, but would rather not.
I remember reading something about many transpeople having Aspergers, and I believe it to be a link in being intelligent and insightful enough to question ourselves and who we really are.

[ath]

I was officially diagnosed with aspergers when I was a young kid. I've pretty much told nobody in my life. It's definitely something that I know I have, yet I want to keep it a deeply buried secret (sound familiar, anyone? Haha). I like letting myself forget that I have aspergers, even though I still deal with the symptoms daily. It's nice forgetting you're not normal, and not caring about it. I used to browse and post on wrongplanet quite a lot, over 1000 posts easily, but I quit even visiting because reading about it and writing about it so much made me think about it too much.

When I came here and saw aspergers threads all over the place, my internal reaction was "damn it is there no escape? Do you have to follow me everywhere I go?"

But then I realized "hey, I suppose this does explain me a bit more than before."

Also, I know that me being trans is definitely not an obsession, since if it were, I'd be focusing only on trans stuff right now, and I wouldn't be gorging myself on my actual obsessions (playing music all day long pretty much).

I'm grateful that I have AS in that I would be a totally different person without it, and I definitely like myself as I am (just do not like my body lol). I also probably wouldn't be nearly as good with music as I am, which would be bad because it is how I pay the bills (I teach private guitar bass and piano lessons). I also have almost perfect memory, even with stupid details like the day of the week and month I went to a concert or something, and the weather that day. Even the songs the band played that night (along with the ability to play them myself from memory).

I still dislike some of the negative aspects though. I have these involuntary tics and twitches and movements and stims that were much worse as a kid. Those that I still do, probably are here forever. I don't even realize I'm doing them until I stop doing them. Social issues exist, too, but I feel like changing my gender would help me a lot socially, since I've come to realize a lot of my social discomfort and awkwardness stems from the fact that I am not in the correct body.

[Jamie D]

Thanks ath.  I am sure quite a few members here can benefit from what you wrote.