Socially awkward

[4736251]

I'm in college now and I hate going out in public.  I pass for a guy 70% of the time but I still am awkward even as a guy (however i would feel much more self-conscious if everyone saw me as a girl).  Even if I do pass, I'm like a midget with the voice of a 12-year-old (i'm 18).  Plus my voice does this weird thing where it goes up 2 octaves when I'm nervous, and I'm nervous around most people.  In addition to that, I have autism spectrum disorder, which makes it difficult for me to interact wih people.  So even if I do pass for a guy, I come of as an awkward "sissy" kid that has no friends.

[Adam (birkin)]

It's OK, that's basically how I am lol.

[Alexthecat]

Yeah I've had issues ever since I was little with making friends and not being the weirdo. Then at 22 the only one from school that ever tried to contact me afterwards I find out is a FTM also, small world.

[sneakersjay]

I'm a lot older than you and I'm still socially awkward.  A lot less than I used to be when I had to pretend I was F, but while it is easier than it was, it is still hard.

[Kreuzfidel]

A lot of us are similar and fall in the Autism Spectrum.  I think it's an interesting fact, though beside the point...

I personally have accepted the fact that, even though I pass 100% now, I am always going to be a socially awkward person.  My friends know that's just me - I'm odd, eccentric and they just accept it.  People who don't know me think I'm weird or eccentric and - that's okay!  I think that a lot of the time we get too hung up on what people think of us instead of accepting the fact that it's actually okay and not a "bad thing" to be socially awkard.  Unless it's really affecting you, just go with it and accept that other people's perception of you is not as bad as you think - we're always our own worst critics anyway.

[AdamMLP]

When I left school and went to college I lost contact with everyone except one guy who was at my college for a while (stopped speaking once he left) and a girl I saw occasionally on the bus. Now I've left the area the only person I'm still in contact from up there is my girlfriend and occasionally my parents. It doesn't really bother me except when other people talk about wanting to go home and see their mates because they've got something to do when they're home.

Here I'm the weird kid who looks like a 12 year old boy, wears the clothes of one, but knows more random information than a pub quiz master, and regularly imposes the information on people. Ive never really had one real friend group, I float around talking to various people, or hiding from them in a cupboard when I'm not feeling sociable, and have no qualms about wandering off from a group of people as soon as they bore me. It's just the way I am.

As the voice thing, when I worked in a pub and was serving (bussing?) tables my voice would always go ridiculously high and feminine no matter how hard I tried. My girlfriend thought it was hilarious. Its just something that happens when you're nervous around people. I found that with the really regular customers that I was more comfortable around it got better, so perhaps the more you get used to being around people the better it'll get for you.

[Zambie]

I've always been the weird kid on the playground, and if I didn't have the few friends I made in high school and the obligations I have in university I wouldn't go outside at all. In fact, I didn't go outside for... about a year before I started school? It's strange since I can socialize with strangers relatively well if I have to, but it takes a lot of stress and effort on my part since as far as I'm concerned everything I say and do is wrong anyway. Bodily dysphoria makes it all the more worse. Saying the wrong thing in the wrong way with the wrong voice just creates this snowball effect of wrongness that makes me want to crawl under a rock and never return.

I've started going into counseling and stuff at the university, and it helps a bit, but all it takes is one really bad experience and I'll go back to being the fully digital person I am. I know HRT won't fix any of that and I'm going to have to keep working for years to become more outgoing, but if I could at least get rid of the stress the dysphoria causes it would probably help speed things up.

[aleon515]

A lot of us are similar and fall in the Autism Spectrum.  I think it's an interesting fact, though beside the point...

I personally have accepted the fact that, even though I pass 100% now, I am always going to be a socially awkward person.  My friends know that's just me - I'm odd, eccentric and they just accept it.  People who don't know me think I'm weird or eccentric and - that's okay!  I think that a lot of the time we get too hung up on what people think of us instead of accepting the fact that it's actually okay and not a "bad thing" to be socially awkard.  Unless it's really affecting you, just go with it and accept that other people's perception of you is not as bad as you think - we're always our own worst critics anyway.

I'd say it's common for ftms. I have met one mtf who (I know to be) autistic, but lots of guys. I'd guess with the gals it is somethign like the general population but for us it is higher. I have also accepted the fact that I am just eccentric or something. I don't have a real lot of friends but I suppose that could be said for a lot of people.

--Jay

[Erik Ezrin]

Yeah, same here. I'm pretty good at masking it though, and often act sociable and talk a lot (I talk a lot when I'm really excited OR really nervous/freaked out), but also notice I sometimes let people walk over me too much and have a too weak spine. I feel like... well... a sissy/spineless dude, kinda.
I also come across as very scattered and weird, cause I think faster than I talk and (especially when nervous and just meeting people) cut off mid sentence (I know it's annoying...) which leaves me flabbing out some random words, lol.
Also, my length is as well a blessing as it's a curse. My face and voice are of a 12/14 yr old boy, while my length is that of a fully grown person or someone in their early teens (aka; you'd expect a more 'mature' face with my body, which easily makes people link that together to "Ah, so it's a woman!" :<), and mostly I just don't pass. If I do I constantly feel like they are joking and are actually seeing 'through' me all the time... stupid mind...
Actually it all boils down to that I'm just too insecure... :/ pfft I hate it...!

[BeefxCake]

yeah I'm the same, i don't have  disorder and im not really short but i frequently get teh comments around campus.

some teenagers in a high school group were all: is that a boy or a girl *snicker snicker*
i fricking turned right around and yelled out "what are you proffessor oak?"

so sick of comments like that.

also once i was walking from the parkinglot and some guys passed me as i was walking, i have a rather masculine way of moving. I like to think.
guys: dude that girls walking like a dude. she got swag.

and of course they were being dicks and laughing at me but eh, screw em, ill never see em in my life again, i don't pay much attention to passerbys, im just ready to have the passing issue, not be an issue. i want to look male, feel male sound male, and not have to worry about people not seeing that.

[Adam (birkin)]

some teenagers in a high school group were all: is that a boy or a girl *snicker snicker*
i fricking turned right around and yelled out "what are you proffessor oak?"

Sorry that happened to you, but that's an ace response lol.