Strange reaction from Mum and Dad

[Comrade Eva]

So a came out to Mum and  Dad yesterday (by come out I mean turn up at the arranged meeting point wearing dress and make-up) and got quite a strange reaction. I should note that my parents live in a different town so I don't see them much. so they did not speak up straight away but when they did mention it they simply said "we suppourt you but you should think this over (I don't think they are aware I have been thinking this over for over 18 months) and that I should probably wait until later in life before making a move that they think will ruin my life. although I feel that 24 is already beyond the ideal time.

[Shantel]

Hey Comrade Eva,
          You've jumped one of the biggest hurtles already, there should be nothing stopping you now! 

[Ltl89]

Congrats Eva!  It sounds like your parents will be okay.  That's great. 

P.S. Yay for having another 24 year old transitioner around here!

[Comrade Eva]

OK part 2 
I am going home to see my parents in a few days but they have insisted that I use my boy name  and presumably male pronouns while I am home I have agreed to this despite the fact that I know that such a request would be quite out of order for some people.

[Cindy]

OK part 2 
I am going home to see my parents in a few days but they have insisted that I use my boy name  and presumably male pronouns while I am home I have agreed to this despite the fact that I know that such a request would be quite out of order for some people.

This is often part of the process, my family did this but quite quickly realise how odd it was. I'm a woman, look feminine, wear female clothing and I am female. They sort of confused themselves out of it very quickly.

[Comrade Eva]

unfortunately it hasn't been quite as simple as that. they basically want to turn a blind eye to the whole situation I will be staying with them for another four days but the constant use of boy name and male pronouns is quite anoying.

[Paige0000]

unfortunately it hasn't been quite as simple as that. they basically want to turn a blind eye to the whole situation I will be staying with them for another four days but the constant use of boy name and male pronouns is quite anoying.

Welcome to my world hun  . You may just have to bear with it I'm afraid. I've been out over a year and they still refuse to use my proper name and pronouns.

[LizMarie]

Just keep being you. If they refuse to adjust, you'll have to make a choice. It's sad, but some of us get put in that position -transition to save our lives or stay male to appease some rigid family member.

One of my adult sons doesn't even speak to me anymore and doesn't let me see his children. My other one started out the same way but seems to be slowly warming to me. My daughter is the only one that supports me.

But I cannot live their lives for them. All I can do is live my life. It's their choice whether to be involved in my life or not.

[Comrade Eva]

So mouths have passed but my parents still insist that I dress like a boy when I am around them because of this I avoided going home at Christmas but because of my countries welfare system I have to see my family GP for a medical certificate every 3 months and this means staying with my parents for a few days I am working on finding a trans friendly doctor I am living in but I haven't found anyone yet so I have to see my family doctor for the time being. I told my mother over the phone that I was not comfortable wearing boys clothes in public however mum emailed me a few hours ago called my by my boy name and then asked that I dress unisex and not wear any make-up. I don't know how to respond as I have decided to never dress in any clothing that makes me look boyish for the last two months I have worn a dress and make-up every time I  have left the house and I really do not feel comfortable dressing any other way.

[Cindy]

So raise the ante. Wear the clothes that are congruent with your gender.

Their problem not yours.

JMO

[LizMarie]

Cindy is right. You are an adult. They cannot tell you what to do. Worst they can do is not let you return home. But if they do that, it's their problem, not yours.

[TessaMarie]

Cindy is right. You are an adult. They cannot tell you what to do. Worst they can do is not let you return home. But if they do that, it's their problem, not yours.

Up to a point.  Personally, I can't afford to go see my parents unless they pay for the plane fare, let me stay at their house & provide meals & transport.

If Eva is in a similar financial position to myself, then needing to stay with her parents ("peasants" .. I loved it ) might require some compromise.  It sounds like her parents have already compromised a little bit, so some give in return would probably be appropriate.  Some, not all.  As Cindy says, raise the ante. 

There is plenty of room between ultra-girly & andro.  Find some areas where you are OK with toning down any extremes in your attire or makeup.  As has been said many times here in the forums:  Presenting as female involves much more than just wearing girl clothes & applying makeup.  So keep that 'more' & give a little in the area that seems to irk them the most.

The fact that there is still communication suggests that there is a strong possiblity that your parents & yourself will find ways to be OK with one another.  All human communication thrives on a good understanding of the other person's wants & needs while not compromising on our own integrity. 

You seem to be on solid ground.  Be well 

Tessa