How does HRT effect sexuality

[April Lee]

Hi, I am April Lee. I am new member and this is my first post here. I am well into middle age, and I have had gender issues for decades. I have tried really hard to repress these feelings. I even tried really hard to act hyper masculine for a while. But nothing I have tried has worked for me. Lately these feelings have become so strong that they are painful.

I will be starting HRT in a couple of weeks. I am curious as to how it will impact my sexuality. I have read many accounts on what it does to erections. Many TS women also say that it reduces libido, but not all. I have also read debates as to whether it can change orientation. I have been exclusively a heterosexual male in my life, but I am very suspicious that I might have a highly repressed bisexual side to me as well. I am wondering if HRT could allow this to awaken. I am also curious about how perceptions of eroticism change. If you lose erections, are their compensating gains such as pleasure derived from the breasts or elsewhere on the body. Does the idea of being penetrated become more appealing.  Do the triggers change?

[suzifrommd]

YMMV is the rule of the day for HRT. I'll tell you my experience.

I don't have spontaneous erections. Period. I'm completely flaccid except right before orgasm, when it's clear that the skin is being stretched painfully due to disuse.

Female orgasms are amazing. They started a couple days after I took my first low-dose E pill. Climaxing is challenging. It's not that same as for a male. Physical stimulation alone won't do it for me. I have to be so emotionally aroused as to be "amazed". If I don't get to that point, I simply won't climax.

Female orgasm feels like  a tingling rush all over every nerve of my body. The squirt is now gone (though I had it for a while), and sometimes the muscles down there don't even bother to contract. But it is such an intense feeling that I need to cry out multiple times while it is happening and I am left completely spent when I am done.

Breasts do not feel like a male chest does. E introduces a sort of electricity into the sensation around my nipples, that jars me alert whenever I'm touched there.

I was 100% a straight male pre-transition. The idea of intimacy with a male was gross. That started to change, before HRT actually, as I began to think of myself as a soft female. The idea of being with a man didn't seem so icky.

That being said, I haven't actually ever been attracted to a man, so bisexuality may not happen for me. I've always had an interest in being penetrated, despite being straight as a male, so that interest is obviously still there. Wonder what will happen after SRS when it is actually possible.

Romantic interest is totally different. This after being on anti-androgens for a while. As a male, a romantic encounter was about completion. Reaching a certain level of intimacy (get to second base, etc., if you remember grade school), climaxing, producing a climax, all of these were very important.

That's gone. I'm still VERY interested in intimacy, but it's the togetherness and sharing aspect that is more important.

As I started out, YMMV, but this is what happened for me.

[Catherine Sarah]

YMMV is the rule of the day for HRT. I'll tell you my experience.

I don't have spontaneous erections. Period. I'm completely flaccid except right before orgasm, when it's clear that the skin is being stretched painfully due to disuse.

Female orgasms are amazing. They started a couple days after I took my first low-dose E pill. Climaxing is challenging. It's not that same as for a male. Physical stimulation alone won't do it for me. I have to be so emotionally aroused as to be "amazed". If I don't get to that point, I simply won't climax.

Female orgasm feels like  a tingling rush all over every nerve of my body. The squirt is now gone (though I had it for a while), and sometimes the muscles down there don't even bother to contract. But it is such an intense feeling that I need to cry out multiple times while it is happening and I am left completely spent when I am done.

Breasts do not feel like a male chest does. E introduces a sort of electricity into the sensation around my nipples, that jars me alert whenever I'm touched there.

I was 100% a straight male pre-transition. The idea of intimacy with a male was gross. That started to change, before HRT actually, as I began to think of myself as a soft female. The idea of being with a man didn't seem so icky.

That being said, I haven't actually ever been attracted to a man, so bisexuality may not happen for me. I've always had an interest in being penetrated, despite being straight as a male, so that interest is obviously still there. Wonder what will happen after SRS when it is actually possible.

Romantic interest is totally different. This after being on anti-androgens for a while. As a male, a romantic encounter was about completion. Reaching a certain level of intimacy (get to second base, etc., if you remember grade school), climaxing, producing a climax, all of these were very important.

That's gone. I'm still VERY interested in intimacy, but it's the togetherness and sharing aspect that is more important.

As I started out, YMMV, but this is what happened for me.

This. ^^^^^. just about ticks every box.

Welcome to Susan's family, April. Hope you enjoy your stay and that it is long and a wealth of information and life long friendships.

Huggs
Catherine

[Sheala]

This is a huge debate, because hormones does not effect every one in exactly the same way. for some it does change orientation, for me it drew me even closer to my wife. as for sexuality, I find now that i don't need or really want penetrative sex any more. I can and i do from time to time for her, however i don't need it. and can tell that it is getting harder to maintain an erection with out continuous stimulation and there are times that penetration is not enough, good thing i know many other ways to please her lol.

Bottom line, it all depends on you and how they affect you. no one can answer how it till work on you, until you are along the way. best of luck and welcome to the group

[awilliams124]

Hi April,

My experience prior to transition was totally heterosexual male, albeit with just one partner (I married her) and a lifelong unease with physical intimacy. However, I never had even the slightest sexual interest in men. 

I am now 20 months on HRT and my sexual preference is exclusively for men. I never saw it coming but it feels 100% natural so I took the decision to accept who I am and not to fight it. As far as breast and nipple sensitivity goes I can sum mine up in three words "my oh my!". 

I am still pre-op but the old 'bits' really hold no interest sexually for me whatsoever and never did particularly. I know guys seem to have a real focus on their penis. Whilst I never felt that my whole body has come alive to touch and other sensations in a way I would not have imagined. It is wonderful!

I hope you enjoy your journey.

Amanda
x

[Missadventure]

I had never been sexually interested in men. Never. The idea didn't gross me out or anything, it just didn't do anything for me. One of the things my HRT doc told me is that hormones might change that.

I left that day wanting to call bull->-bleeped-<-. I mean, if that were true, I'm sure some quack bible thumping doctor would've tried pumping gay men full of more testosterone in order to make them like women, and pumping lesbians full of estrogen to make them like men. And, as far as I know, that's never happened.

But, to my surprise 17 days in on HRT and I'm not finding the idea of being with a man unappealing.

Granted, I've always, even with female partners, fantasized about being penetrated. It always made sex as a man a little depressing - the whole time wishing I was experiencing it how the girl was.

Never had any interest in back door play though, so for now there's no sex for me. But, after GRS (whenever that will be), I may find myself willing to be with a man sexually, even if it's just to satisfy a curiosity of what it's like.

Granted, all of that is from the sexual perspective. Emotionally speaking I've never had qualms about men. In fact, I'd say the deepest emotional bond I've ever formed with another human being is with a guy. And, I've long said that if he was a woman he'd be the one for me... And now I'm becoming a woman. The future could get interesting... 

[Rachel]

I am bi 80% male leaning. My first relationship was with a guy, 4 years (he broke up with me). My second relationship was with my wife of 20 years. I am 8 months on HRT and all during my life when masturbating or having sex (submissive) I visualize I am having sex with a guy.  The difference now is I accept, who I am and how I visualize sex and I do not feel dirty or shame. This my be from therapy more so than HRT but I do not know.

Physically, I am typical as those have said. However, 3 weeks into HRT I had a distinct "fish" odor emanating from my crotch. I shower every day and 6 hours later it is there. I sometimes wash mid-day. The head of my penis is super smooth and many times more sensitive. Sex requires a lower body muscle contraction such that after orgasm there is a complete lower body experience, quite pleasing.

Nipples are a complete erogenous zone.

[April Lee]

I greatly appreciate the many responses here. They all intrigue me. All of my life, I have been heterosexual, but my most powerful fantasies always have been being a heterosexual female. I am suspicious that I might actually be a highly repressed bisexual, because I have gotten to the point that I can look at some men, and say to myself that this is somebody who would give my inner woman the tingles. Over the years, most of my relationships with women have been of short duration (usually less than a year). They start out lusty, but I have always found them emotionally empty, and I have always found the act of penetrating another to be largely unrewarding. I often need to play some mind game to orgasm. My current wife, which I have known for about 15 years, is the only woman I have been able to maintain a long term relationship. She is a woman with a fairly high sexual appetite, and pretty conventional tastes. In the early years of our relationship, we had very active sex life, but that has declined to pretty infrequently. Yet when we do make love, I can still please her fairly well. But I feel absolutely cheated afterwards. I want to be a woman experiencing what she feels. I want to know a wider range of experience. I want to feel erogenous pleasures from other parts of my body than just my penis. I want to know what has been described on these boards as a female orgasm. So much has been made about erections in various threads here. Looking at myself, I don't tie having an erection to arousal or pleasure. I am suspicious that my mind, with a little chemical adjustment, would look upon my penis as a very large clitoris, and I wouldn't want to penetrate anything. I would rather draw my pleasure from my breasts, and other erogenous zones, and even be penetrated by another. If hormones gets me closer to that, I would regard it a very good thing.

[Tori]

You sound a lot like me, up to the length of your relationship.

I have not noticed my sexuality changing at all, although, like you I am open to the prospect. No need to force things.

2 1/2 months in and let me tell you, the whole body becomes erogenous in new and... er... titilating ways. Hehe.

Your sex drive will likely drop like a rock, but you should always be able to think yourself to arousal. It is different but it works. You control your sex drive not the other way around. 

[Stella Stanhope]

I greatly appreciate the many responses here. They all intrigue me. All of my life, I have been heterosexual, but my most powerful fantasies always have been being a heterosexual female. I am suspicious that I might actually be a highly repressed bisexual, because I have gotten to the point that I can look at some men, and say to myself that this is somebody who would give my inner woman the tingles. Over the years, most of my relationships with women have been of short duration (usually less than a year). They start out lusty, but I have always found them emotionally empty, and I have always found the act of penetrating another to be largely unrewarding. I often need to play some mind game to orgasm. My current wife, which I have known for about 15 years, is the only woman I have been able to maintain a long term relationship. She is a woman with a fairly high sexual appetite, and pretty conventional tastes. In the early years of our relationship, we had very active sex life, but that has declined to pretty infrequently. Yet when we do make love, I can still please her fairly well. But I feel absolutely cheated afterwards. I want to be a woman experiencing what she feels. I want to know a wider range of experience. I want to feel erogenous pleasures from other parts of my body than just my penis. I want to know what has been described on these boards as a female orgasm. So much has been made about erections in various threads here. Looking at myself, I don't tie having an erection to arousal or pleasure. I am suspicious that my mind, with a little chemical adjustment, would look upon my penis as a very large clitoris, and I wouldn't want to penetrate anything. I would rather draw my pleasure from my breasts, and other erogenous zones, and even be penetrated by another. If hormones gets me closer to that, I would regard it a very good thing.

D'Ahhhhh SH*T! Is my immediate eloquent response to that comment (in a hillbilly accent for comical effect)

That really could have been by myself, especially;

1. "They start out lusty, but I have always found them emotionally empty, and I have always found the act of penetrating another to be largely unrewarding. I often need to play some mind game to orgasm.

2.  I want to feel erogenous pleasures from other parts of my body than just my penis. I want to know what has been described on these boards as a female orgasm.

3. I am suspicious that I might actually be a highly repressed bisexual, because I have gotten to the point that I can look at some men, and say to myself that this is somebody who would give my inner woman the tingles.

Its always felt natural to fancy women and act upon those urges, but its also always felt natural to flirt like a woman does and expect to be ravished and caressed like a woman would get when having sex. So I tend to also feel a rush of excitement when getting with a girl, and then get quickly bored as I find the whole experience of being s boyfriend to be largely dull and faintly depressing. I always feel the need to have "me time" after having sex with a girl - time to be myself and wear what I want, without the worrying about the potential of getting disapproving looks of a girl who's telling me I'm a real turn-off to her.

My body has always been very sensitive, and I adore being caressed everywhere, having my hair pulled, being kissed lots. I need that level of attention and intimacy in order to sexually function and remain turned-on. My legs, feet, neck, collarbone, ears!!!, lips when teased turn my legs to jelly, and my mind to mush. Much more than the feeling of penetration brings. Does this sound more like a male sexual response or a female one?

I do respond very well to visual stimulus like cis-normative males do (such as partner wearing lingerie etc), but I need to feel pretty myself and be caressed as well in order to maintain interest. I've always had a high sex-drive and so have always had great times having foreplay and sex with girls, but I have felt cheated by the experience despite enjoying immensely on a physical level. Its only guys who have ever bothered to lavish the same amount of attention on me as I do on my partner. Cis women I've found spend about 10% of the time on me, and expect 90% of the attention lavished on them. And they assume I'll be happy with this woeful ratio as long as they uninspiring fiddle with just my penis for a bit until there's the obligatory climatic reaction. And they assume that means I'm satisfied.

However, one girl teased and toyed with me like I was the girl. That experience was explosive for the two of us, as I felt super aroused and emotionally involved, so I returned the favour naturally, which led to both of us being massively satisfied (and rather spent afterwards), as opposed to just my partner. Apologies if that was too-much-information.

[April Lee]

I do respond very well to visual stimulus like cis-normative males do (such as partner wearing lingerie etc), but I need to feel pretty myself and be caressed as well in order to maintain interest. I've always had a high sex-drive and so have always had great times having foreplay and sex with girls, but I have felt cheated by the experience despite enjoying immensely on a physical level. Its only guys who have ever bothered to lavish the same amount of attention on me as I do on my partner. Cis women I've found spend about 10% of the time on me, and expect 90% of the attention lavished on them. And they assume I'll be happy with this woeful ratio as long as they uninspiring fiddle with just my penis for a bit until there's the obligatory climatic reaction. And they assume that means I'm satisfied.

It almost sounds like we have both been involved with the same women. At the moment, my current wife fit this incredibly well. At one point we had an emotional connection that transcended the physical part, and that made the sex sort of enjoyable for me. But the emotional aspects of our relationship have been seriously disrupted by the stresses of day to day life. The physical aspect that remains is all about me attending to her needs. As you say, if she provides just some attention to my penis, she feels she that she has done her job. She sees the act of male orgasm as an end in itself that makes all things right and even. I really don't blame her much for this, or any cis woman of similar inclination. For most cis males, I believe this works perfectly fine.       

[ClaudiaLove]

YMMV is the rule of the day for HRT. I'll tell you my experience.

I don't have spontaneous erections. Period. I'm completely flaccid except right before orgasm, when it's clear that the skin is being stretched painfully due to disuse.

Female orgasms are amazing. They started a couple days after I took my first low-dose E pill. Climaxing is challenging. It's not that same as for a male. Physical stimulation alone won't do it for me. I have to be so emotionally aroused as to be "amazed". If I don't get to that point, I simply won't climax.

Female orgasm feels like  a tingling rush all over every nerve of my body. The squirt is now gone (though I had it for a while), and sometimes the muscles down there don't even bother to contract. But it is such an intense feeling that I need to cry out multiple times while it is happening and I am left completely spent when I am done.

Breasts do not feel like a male chest does. E introduces a sort of electricity into the sensation around my nipples, that jars me alert whenever I'm touched there.

That sounds so good , I am excited to get there .
I just started HRT and I didn't have any kind of sexual interaction since , I don't feel the need in the way I did before , I feel the need of intimacy and love rather than sex . When I had testosterone it was about the psychical and emotional part but also about the physical one . Now , although I didn't have sex since the start of hrt , I feel that the emotional part would be enough .
But I was never active , from sexual point of view , I only had sex with cis-girls like 3 times and it kinda bothered me that I have to do the 'work' , beside feeling bad that I am treated like a man.
I guess that if I wouldn't been so traumatized by men , starting with my father and then many other , I will be much more happy , as now , although I am attracted to men , I am scared of them too , so I rarely interact with them  .Now that I am older , I tend to have some courage with the boys my age or younger .
And when I do have sex with a man , the only fact that I bring him to orgasm makes me happy and feel fulfilled , I don't feel the need to actually achieve orgasm myself (that was valid since ever).

[Nicole]

It doesn't "per-say" but it does.

Heres what happened with me, I came out early, at the time I was 100% into females even thou I had never been with one.
Day 1 on HRT, still 100% females, day 100 on HRT still 100% females, day 101 on HRT 99% females within the first 12 months I was 100% bi but the idea of being with a guy freaked me out, maybe its because the idea of anal sex still freaks me out.

After SRS, i've been with 2 females and countless men, I'm now 100% straight.

As for sex drive, what a lot of people do not understand here is theres a difference between horny & turned on, I can wake up, but very horny, go all day feeling like I could jump someones bones and go to bed at night and not do a thing about it, its a feeling of happiness, you feel glowing all day really, for females there is no grey area, its horny & turned on.
If I'm turned on, which is something needs to be done, I can go find a showerhead, a toy or spend some "alone time" if I haven't got anyone. Once you cross that line you need to handle it. It also takes a "trigger" to jump that line.

For guys, there is a grey area, they can walk around, they can go for so long before they need to do something.

[Rachel]

Claudia, Hugs. I a sorry you were traumatized.

Perhaps this is why I fear being trapped and unable to flee when confronted by an assertive aggressive male. I just want to escape. I was lucky to find a male partner for a while and learned a different response from him. I hope you can experience love.

There is a difference between becoming horney and fantasizing to achieve an end and true lust and desire. I was in a meeting today and this very sexy guy I like leaned between me and another person to give them some papers. He smelled wonderful and I detected some light musk. His shirt was a bit tight and showed the upper body contours. He did not shave today and had some stubble. I lost concentration and went blank and felt tingly. I am hot typing this now. He is muscular, kind and gentle. He reads a lot and we discuss books. I read the ones he likes and we discuss them. I am attracted to and desire him. If we has sex there would be passion.



 

[emilyking]

I was never interested in sex growing up.  One of the few things that I knew I was different.  I was never interested in dating ether.  Plus it's not like I had girls lining up to ask me out ether.

I always thought, I'd be a lesbian.  The only time I was "offered" sex, was just after highschool.  My male roommate had just been dumped a week or two ago, and joking asked if I wanted to have sex with him.  It caught me off guard, and did the whole "I don't swing that way" bit.  However in the back of my mind, I kinda wanted it.  It scared me a bit, and I never really thought about it after words.

After being on HRT for 7 months now, I am seeing myself more with a man than a woman.  In fact I kinda see myself with a family.  I never thought I would admit that in the past, but it doesn't scare me, in fact kinda make me happy.

But I have a while before I go worrying about dating and sex.

[JennyBaumann]

I know exactly what one of the posts means -- when I first started a self-med HRT program about five years ago I was completely hetero, although not a "highly-sexed" man.  I first noticed my attraction toward men after being on the treatment for about two years.  I like to go out in public in full dress as often as I can, and when I started noticing how men looked at me, I started thinking well, if I'm dressed this way, maybe I should expect to be ogled by men.  I still don't think I'm gay, but I do have this... strange feeling when a man flirts with me.  I mean a part of me wants to play along, you know, and see where it will lead, but I'm scared to take it too far because of what I still have between my legs.  I don't want to be beaten up or be found dead in an alley somewhere.  So whether it's the long-term dosage of estrogen and t-blockers or whether it's my own psyche, there has definitely been a change.  I'm still attracted to women, too, but now I'm wondering if I look at them with lust, or with mere envy!

[Ltl89]

My orientation is the same as it always was, but I'm straight.  From what I've seen, some lesbians or bisexual women find an increasing interest in dating or being intimate with men after hormones.  In a way, I've also experienced an increase desire to date and have a partner, but I think this is just a hormonal response.  So for me, my orientation remained the same, but my interest in dating and intimacy with men has increased to an even stronger level.  And my sexuality is much more emotionally charged than it used to be.  It's confusing.  I just roll with it. 

[Satinjoy]

I have female climaxes and needs, or at least I think so, I am unable to do anything without full female imaginings including srs, physically have no male usage or function (though preop or no-op),  and estrogen basically completes the sexuality I always had.  I always felt it was female on female even though I had the male equipment.

I remain intensely attracted to my wife.  Since I won't go outside of the marrage other than fantasy or "toys" the other stuff is shut down.  But there is a change, I won't drop my eyes, but I want to if I am totally honest about it.

Estrogen is incredibly fullfilling in my sex life.  I have other ways to physically love my wife.  She deserves it for staying the course.

[Harlow]

the most curious part with libido and male sex drive is that when it is gone You dont feel like You are missing something. It is rather like it is simply not there and even its absence does not bother You - and it is very liberating feeling .

I feel the same way. I have been with my man  9 years and we lived a "gay" lifestyle with a very limited sex life as I'm not comfortable with rear end penetration (now I know why ). I'm now in control of when I want to have sex and I'm not controlled by it. Which is a great feeling! It still works when I want it too, and the orgasm is a little strange as there is less control since it's a body sensation not just an ejaculation sensation, so it gets getting used to but it's still a good orgasm

I never thought I'd think about SRS seriously, but now I'm looking into it as I would really like to be intimate in the closest way to the man I love so much

And to guage where I am at, I've been on HRT for 5 1/2 months