Randomly looking for some advice

[radsi]

So today I am still drugged up on pain meds and stuck in bed feeling sorry for myself..

After a chat with my best mate on fb I kinda told her I had a girlfriend so shes like oh so are you saying ure gay I was like Im not really saying anything Im just saying I am seeing a girl... She was like thats cool u no me and the other love u anyways

So if i am a FTM is it wrong to allow people to think im gay? Im really a straight guy trapped in a womans body but im barely ready to let people know I have a girlfriend let alone anything else. Theres a lot of people I study and therefore work with who are for various religious or cultural reasons very homophobic and some of them have even voiced this around me (not aimed directly at me). so I really wouldnt want this getting out as life could be very difficult for me.

Should I have done this any differently? What are your guys and girls experiences?

RADS XX

[Ryan D]

It's absolutely not "wrong" to let people think you're gay. People will always assume things, it's just in human nature. However, if you're uncomfortable coming out to someone then you by no means have to. However, I would suggest not to say that you're gay, because this could make coming out later more difficult because if you say to them "I'm gay", then people may have you solidified in their minds as a gay girl rather than them thinking of you as gay, but not necessarily knowing.

Personally, I'm bi/panromantic heterograysexual. Lots of fancy words, but basically it means that I can be romantically attracted to anyone, and I'm mainly sexually attracted to women (but I don't experience a strong desire for sexual stuff, that's the "graysexual" part). I first came out as bisexual, but then I slipped more towards lesbian. Then a while ago I came out as nonbinary/androgynous, but now I've realized that I'm transgender.

So yeah, the labels really did progress really fluidly, it wasn't a very quick thing...

But honestly, I live in an accepting area and I go to a very accepting school, so I didn't really have to worry about being harassed because of my gender/sexuality (I was still terrified coming out as trans though... Still kinda am since I've only told close friends at school). Sorry I tend to rant and get off topic some times, but I guess the main point I'm trying to make is to do whatever feels best for you, not for other people. Only tell them what you want to tell them, and know that you're the only person who gets to dictate your life.

[radsi]

It's

Thank you for ure honest reply. I tend to agree with what you have said and I really hate labels. I live near a very big gay village and community and a lot of people tend to get identified by their label and lose track of who they are.

I just want to be known as me,, not as a lesbian, not as a transguy not as anything really just me if that makes sense..but on the same merit i hate feeling like i have to lie or hide things from people i care about... one step at a time i guess.

Oh and I confess i had to google some of the terms/names u mentioned hahaha

Whereabouts are u from?

Rads xxx

[Ryan D]

Oh and I confess i had to google some of the terms/names u mentioned hahaha

Haha not a problem, I barely even knew what they meant a few months ago 

Whereabouts are u from?

I'm from New Jersey, so even when I'm hanging out in a not-so-accepting area, there are lots of laws here that protect me and my rights. The town that I'm in is pretty upper-middle class, and most people here are open-minded. Plus I go to a private school that seems to pride itself on diversity and acceptance (I'm still the only transgender person ever to attend the school though, so I suppose it's not that diverse).

[radsi]

Haha .

Hey, New Jersey sounds cool can I come visit for a holiday??? I love America lol 

Like the profile pic by the way What are u studying at school???

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Radsi,

Essentially speaking and being a bit of 'old school' were conventions apply, it is incorrect to allow others to label (labels are for lolly jars) you as gay.

As you refer yourself to be female, transiting to male, that effectively make you male, with going into a discourse on semantics. Irrespective of how you present. You; thinking in male terms; hook up with a girl, makes for a heterosexual relationship. And peeps need to know that.

This is where the TG community's wheels tend to fall off with respects to the rest of society norms. Your friend offered the suggestion that you are gay, just so she could attempt to perceive who you are.

She is now guided by her perception (fatal mistake) and sees you through "gay" glasses. Thus you may pose a threat to her, if she is hetero.

For society to understand TG they need to appreciate we can be as heterosexual as they are, with a minor correctable gender issue, generally acquired at birth as most other abnormalities are conceived.

Hope this helps in some way.

Huggs
Catherine

[Sandy]

Am I a lesbian because I'm married to a woman?  Or am I straight because I was born with male bits.  This is the type of thing that makes haters heads explode (fun to watch).

To the point.  Trans people, I think, need to throw off the whole idea of gay/straight nomenclature because literally it doesn't apply.  In the truest sense of the word we love who we love and that is all there is to it.

Are you gay?  Are you straight?  Who knows?  Who cares?

We trans people learn that love can come from anywhere and the window dressing/shell/whatever means nothing.

-Sandy

[Ryan D]

Hey, New Jersey sounds cool can I come visit for a holiday??? I love America lol 

Yeah sure thing! If you're ever here I'll show you around ^,^

Like the profile pic by the way What are u studying at school???

Thank you  ! Well I'm just in high school so I take general classes on pretty much every subject, but I focus a lot on art. I love doing random art projects outside of school too. Like I just finished making a metal glove (don't ask me why, I just kinda felt like it )

[Kreuzfidel]

I did the same and still do to the family and friends I'm not out to.  Mind you, they've not seen me in some years (most of them) and assume that I'm just gay.  I don't really care much - I'm not close to them at all, but if they brought up it to my face I'd tell them I'm trans.  After all, it's kind of hard to hide now being on T for 2 years and now having had top surgery. 

Everyone comes out differently.  Some are able to just blurt it out and some take a long time to come out fully.  Some do it like yourself (and me) and just let people think you're gay until you gain more confidence. 

[Ayden]

People assume that I'm straight since I'm a trans guy married to a man. How wrong they are...

But, it's easier in some cases to let them think I'm a very masculine woman rather than explain to them that I'm trans. It doesn't happen where I currently live since I have no trouble passing, but in the states and with some family it's just easier