significant others and viginity

[anibioman]

So I'm straight and I have a great girlfriend. I do have this one issue, we are both sexually inexperienced. We are slowly moving forward in regards to sexual stuff. We are very comfortable with one another, as comfortable as two awkward teens could be with one another.

When I think about us having sex for the first time, I feel bad. like her first  time might be diminished by the fact that my dick wont be real. As we are both virgins I don't even know if my synthetic wiener would make a difference.

I wish one of us had sex before. If she had then I wouldn't feel this pressure, and if I had I would at least know what I'm getting into.

Also i have no idea about Dick selection, I don't want to spend a ton of money if its not what we want, but I want it to feel real, and it being silicone is important. I know my skin is very sensitive to various materials.

Should I talk to her about this concern? Do you guys have any advice?

[Kreuzfidel]

First of all, I think it's good that you're being honest here and it shows that her feelings and experiences are important to you.  I'll just comment on a few things here from my own perspective...

So I'm straight and I have a great girlfriend. I do have this one issue, we are both sexually inexperienced. We are slowly moving forward in regards to sexual stuff. We are very comfortable with one another, as comfortable as two awkward teens could be with one another.

Probably an important thing to mention, although I'm sure you obviously are aware of this already, is not to rush things.  Sex shouldn't be something that is anticipated as "the next step forward" really - unfortunately, in today's time, teens especially seem to have this idea that sex is expected and that everyone is and should be doing it at some point.  You shouldn't feel that way, because even though it may seem "outdated", a lot of couples are choosing to remain abstinent until many years into their relationships. 

You don't have to remain abstinent either, but I suppose what I'm saying is that you shouldn't be worrying too much about this - you're anticipating things, which is normal, but let it happen naturally.  If you micromanage every aspect of it, the experience will be more about anxiety than enjoyment - and that can completely put you off sex.

When I think about us having sex for the first time, I feel bad. like her first  time might be diminished by the fact that my dick wont be real. As we are both virgins I don't even know if my synthetic wiener would make a difference.

I was quite the opposite.  My wife had sex before she met me (she's straight and it was with her highschool boyfriend).  I think that I would have preferred for her to have never been with a cisguy before me and have experienced what the "real thing" felt like because that severely crippled my ability to be confident with her in the bedroom.  It made my dysphoria worse because I was always wondering if she was disappointed in my "plastic cock" because it wasn't anything like a real dick.

To be honest, the last sentence you wrote in the above phrase is key here - she won't know the difference.  Besides, I think that ultimately if the relationship is real and solid, it's the experience of being with YOU that she will absorb - not whether or not the dick was cold and rubbery versus warm and silky.

I wish one of us had sex before. If she had then I wouldn't feel this pressure, and if I had I would at least know what I'm getting into.

I think that you're missing the benefits of your situation.  She has nothing to compare you to.  You surely have seen porn before?  I know that it's typically unrealistic, but take pointers from various things you see and from talking to others about sex.  Remember that you only have yourself to live up to - you would be her first, so you only want to make it a special experience for her - stop focusing so much on your dick and focus more on all the ways you can make her feel good.

Also i have no idea about Dick selection, I don't want to spend a ton of money if its not what we want, but I want it to feel real, and it being silicone is important. I know my skin is very sensitive to various materials.

Honestly, I hate silicone as it feels super unrealistic to me.  I prefer cyberskin with a condom as the texture is much more lifelike IMHO.  But if you are really worried, just use a condom over a silicone cock.  You won't have to worry so much about getting a fancy one if you're just going to wrap it anyways.  A condom-covered dick is going to feel about the same all around unless it's the real thing or (possibly) a prosthetic like a ReelMagik.

Should I talk to her about this concern? Do you guys have any advice?

Yes, you should.  Be open and honest with her about your insecurities.  A) she will appreciate that you are thinking of her experience and B) she may be able to offer you supportive words and comfort you. 

Really, don't put so much stock into a dick.  There is so much more to sex than just a cock - after all you have a tongue, fingers and skin. 

[Bimmer Guy]

Kreuzfidel gave you great advice. 

I only want to add that you should FOR CERTAIN go small on the dildo.  Remember, 5.5-6inch is the average length of a cis penis.  I also wouldn't go any wider than 1.5.  Silicone is a good choice.  There are a ton of sites out there to order a dildo.  Get a small one/average size one to begin with and if later down the road you all want a larger one, you can order it.  Start small...you will be more comfortable using it and her body will be more comfortable receiving it.

[Taka]

don't even start small, start with one finger... it can get really uncomfortable if you don't do it slowly the first time.

being two people feeling like idiots together, isn't really all that bad. it gives you a chance to talk about what you like and don't like, rather than having already known someone else and assuming everybody is like them. every man and woman is different, and talking about things is really important to make it work. both being inexperienced also means there's less need to pretend in order to not let the other person down, so you don't have to feel insecure about whether she's faking it or not.

[Bimmer Guy]

don't even start small, start with one finger... it can get really uncomfortable if you don't do it slowly the first time.

Of course!  You don't ever skip foreplay!  I would suggest getting up to two fingers before the cock (or whatever you may choose to call it), anyway.

I think it is cool that it is the first time for both of you.  It may make you feel more connected to each other.

[mm]

anibioman, start slow is the best advice possible for both of you.  You know how small and tight a virgin vagina is, keep in mind how small and tight you are.  Have you ever use tampons?  I know how hard I tried to get my first tampon in me. 

[Adam (birkin)]

I see it like this: she obviously cares about you, loves you, and trusts you enough to lose her virginity to you. I wouldn't worry about the lack of experience or about the state of your penis. Most girls would agree that the first time is usually pretty weird anyway because it's all new, sometimes painful, etc...but at the very least, she will always remember that she lost it to a guy who she loved and who treated her with respect and was good to her. You know?

[TheLance]

I have to agree on going with something small. The first virgin I was with, my dick was too big, she was in pain, I felt awful. The second virgin I was with, I used a 5.5 inch, don't remember what it was made of, but she wasn't in any pain at all.

[Taka]

not skipping foreplay is particularly important on her first time. excitement will make the vagina expand more easily, and also dulls pain. if she feels uncomfortable at all with the situation, it's better not to go all the way. embarrassment is not the same as discomfort though.

some women have felt great their first time, mostly because the guy treated them well and they both wanted it to happen.

[anibioman]

thanks guys. I'm with all of you with the whole go small and lots of foreplay. Last time I checked I was pretty good at foreplay

[Ryan55]

I feel your nervousness man lol my girl has been with a cis-guy before me, i'm her first i guess "plastic dick" lol, I was nervous as ->-bleeped-<-, cause shes the first girl I had sex with (yes in high school, i had you can say normal sex), so i guess I knew what to expect of me, but I was nervous as could be, I was worried I wouldn't be able to perform like the real thing or it wont be good for her, turns out she enjoyed it, we have one thing cis-guys don't and that's vibrating dicks lol

[radsi]

I think one of the main things is communication.. If you have good communication between the pair of you then u are most of the way there.. Getting any fears/concerns out in the open beforehand will help the experience be the best for the both of you. It sounds like you both really love each other so this will only strengthen ure relationship and bond.

I hope you have a great time 

[kaiju]

No worries about rushing, just try different things and make sure you're both having fun. Don't force yourself to do anything you don't want to, because sex shouldn't be forced in any way for people. Play around, don't be afraid to laugh and talk to her about things. You'll figure out what you like, and she'll do the same.

[MacG]

Don't be afraid to laugh. Both of you. It's likely to be sweetly awkward.