Here's Hoping I Found the Right Place

[DiDi]

Hi. After lurking for over a month I am not certain if I will fit in well, but since you never know until you stick out your neck – here I am. I am over 55 years of age, transfeminine, in an unhappy long term marriage and so deep in the closet, that although I am shouting, you can probably only hear a whisper. This deep closeting is due to my SO being frankly bigoted towards what she calls crossdressers and also less than kind towards transsexuals. My closet though is slowly coming down without actually talking about it much. I express my feminine side in a number of ways IRL while appearing male. I quite regularly wear subtle makeup and am growing my thinning hair out for the first time in over 10 years. Through diet I have gotten my 5'8" frame down to under 140lbs which is still not where I want to be but I am now finding that losing weight is becoming harder. Being thinner does allow me a more androgynous look (eg skinny jeans and form fitting tops). Given that ciswomen my age and height find this an ideal weight, I guess I shouldn't complain. I also attend Jazzercise regularly. I feel very accepted there but I am known as a male customer (in compression capris and tights).

I am here to continue my exploration of what I truly am. At my age it is time to stop hiding. I know I am hiding but don't yet know what I'll come out of the closet as. I have marital troubles. If I came out and my career and marriage fell apart I would be so far behind the 8-ball financially that I might as well become a street person. It should resolve in a couple of years but not yet. I am expecting my gradual feminization to reach the tipping point at home soon so staying in the closet might not be a choice anyway.

As I said at the top – I'm not certain we are a good match. I get a sense that HRT, full transitioning and passing are ultimate goals for the majority here, or at the very least the best possible outcome. That is definitely the right way for many but these old eyes don't see it in my future (yet). I hope it works out and promise to be truthful yet kind.

You will probably find me hanging around in the transgender forum but have keen interest in diet, exercise and fashion.

[V M]

Hi DiDi 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

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Hugs

V M

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Didi,

A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.

There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.

Didi, you are in the right place and the right time. And as you've realised, what has been started, can't stop until it's finished. Very few marriages survive transition, so it's good you have a realisation of this as a possible outcome.

Generally your income source is a little more resilient, however as you are aware of a potential problem in this matter, you can at least work on a plan to mitergate collateral damage and not become a street person. To be forewarned is to be forearmed. Remember also the meaning of the acronym, fear. False Evidence Appearing Real.

Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

[Jessica Merriman]

Hi DiDi! A big warm welcome to the family! You are most definitely at the right place. You will find so much information here and genuine acceptance and caring. I for one started my transition at age 47, so it is never too late to be what will make you comfortable and happy. Did I lose a lot along the way, YES. Was it worth all the loss, YES! I have entered a new world of happiness and freedom I could have never imagined in my wildest dreams. Relax with us and ask any question which troubles you. You will get many answers to help guide you. Feel safe here as our moderators do a fantastic job in keeping us all safe and playing nice together. Here is a BIG HUG ( ) to start your journey of discovery off right!

[Jamie D]

Sorry for the belated welcome DiDi.  Glad to have you here.

There are quite a few of us in our 50s on the site.