I came out to my parents so they took my car?

[Collette]

So I finally got up the courage to tell my mother I'm transsexual last week. She took it as well as I expected she would. She doesn't understand and is confused and scared but she wants to understand. After talking with her she suggested we keep this from my stepfather for the moment. (me and him don't always get along as he's a manly country redneck) A couple days later she calls inviting me to go out to eat with them. I accept. About halfway through the meal my stepfather gets up to go to the bathroom and my mom tells me real quick that she had told him everything. After we finish they follow me to my house to sit and talk with me. My stepfather tells me that he can't accept any of this. That I'm just doing this for the attention and shock value. I told them I've been this way since I was five or six, that I've kept it hidden. He goes on to tell me that they never saw female tendencies in me growing up. That it wasn't something I could have hidden from them. That children cant suppress their inhabitions. Which is bs. And that I needed to get right with Jesus. It was an hour of the most close-minded bigotry I've ever had to sit through with the man. He wouldnt listen to anything I tried to say. He came to basically tell me he loved me but will have nothing to do with me anymore. My mother apologized to me and they left. That was a week ago. I hadn't talked to them since. This morning I get woken up by my mother. Her and him are here to take my car back. It's in their name but ive had it for seven years. They gave me some crap about me not taking care of it properly and that I didn't appreciate it so they're taking it. I didn't even try to argue with them. It was all so ridiculous and uncalled for. What's sad is that's the most they've been to my house in over ten years. I don't really know how to process all this. I'm sure I have next to no possibility of my stepfather accepting me or being within a thousand feet of me. He's made that much clear. I don't k ow how this is going to affect my relationship with my mother. If him being so closeminded is going screw up any chance at a relationship with her. I do feel betrayed that she told him after she volunteered not to and I feel set up with the whole going out to eat thing then coming to my house. The car thing I don't know if I'm still in shock about since it happened this morning. Right now I find it sad and kinda funny at the same time.

[Jenna Stannis]

If it were not true it would be kind of funny, mostly because it's just so absurd.
While it's true that we all have the upper hand in that we have known about who we are for many years, watching the bizarre reactions people exhibit when they're told never ceases to amaze me.

[Cindy]

To be honest Sis I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

That is so sad and they are so stupid.

My heart goes out to you

Cindy

[Collette]

I don't know wether to laugh or cry either. Once the reality of not having transportation hits me I'm sure I'll do one or the other.

[Janae]

Don't worry Karma just added them to her long list of people to visit.

I've never understood why people get so into their feelings about something that has NOTHING to do with them.

I hope you end up with a fabulous car of your own that you can drive right past them.

[Cindy]

Collette,

I wish we were closer, I'd lend you my car to pay them a visit!

[LordKAT]

Now that I would like to see, her parents faces (especially stepdad) would a be priceless vision.

[samantha.mich]

Collette,
I'm so sorry! What a total crapy move by your parents to take your car that way! That's just being righteous and vindictive. And I really dislike when people through Jesus into their argument about being trans. (I'm quite sure Jesus is just fine with who you are as a person) Also I'd mention to your step father and mother that Jesus wouldn't have taken your car back after giving it to you for seven seven years! That's just Wrong!

Samantha

[nikkit72]

Collette,

I do not know how you are off financially, but time to stand on your own two feet and buy your own car. You are going to need a strong pair of feet during transition if that is what you plan to do.

Unfortunately for your parents, they have just jumped onto a long list of parents who, truth be told, are only worried about how you being trans is going to affect their social standing. It does not sound like they are concerned about your wellbeing. And they are just using the car as a point of control or leverage.

Time to live your life. They can either be a part of it or not. Their choice. Car or not.

Good luck.

[Emily.T]

Hi Colette,

I really feel for you Hun taking your car was just spiteful and wrong I really hope that you can show them that your a strong woman and get past this without them until they come to their senses.

Emily.T xx 

[suzifrommd]

Many people who seem closed-minded about us, really just need to be educated. I don't know about your mother and stepfather, but I'd suggest it's worth a try. Something repeating something frequently helps it get through (or at least gets people to think about it).

Try repeating, at every available opportunity:

* This isn't something you chose. You were wired this way.
* No one has ever found a way to "cure" transgender, though thousands have tried.
* Transgender is serious. Depression and suicide are common among those who do not treat their transgender.
* Transitioning to live as your true gender is the only recognized treatment. It has a strong record of success.

Good luck. Being rejected by parents is one of the most painful things we go through.

[Eva Marie]

Collette-

I'm sorry that your stepdad believes they way he believes, but it is what it is and i doubt that his mind is open to change anytime soon. You mom is with him so shes siding with him and not rocking the boat.

You have a couple of options at this point. One of them is to knuckle under, accept their conditions, and be miserable but you'll have your car back. The other is to stand on your own two feet, be a strong woman, and make it on your own if your circumstances allow.

Since we don't know if they are financially supporting you, if you are employed or in school, or what your living arrangements are it's hard to give more advice. Do you require a car to get to work or school? Is public transportation available in your area? Are you working or going to school? Are you under the age of consent? The answers to these questions will tell you what your next steps should be.

My heart goes out to you; you just got dealt a very harsh thing by the people that are supposed to love and support you because of their ignorance - THEY feel uncomfortable with you and what their friends might think.  But still, you can overcome this and move forward.

~Eva

[Pia Bianca]

I don't k ow how this is going to affect my relationship with my mother.

It's kinda old but still true: blood is thicker than water. She will eventually get over it and leave him. My only advice is: wait for that day and embrace her without blaming her. You obviously feel bad but she will feel worse, but if you comfort her when she gives him a break, your bonding will increase a lot.

As much as I accuse her for not being a caring mother for you, as much I understand that she won't give up her relationship easily. I bet she will try to convice your stepdad. Additionally you can make nice lemonade, you know? It might be hard to do so, but earning your own fortune to buy your own car will make you much stronger!

That said, I want to strengthen the advice suzi gave. Try to educate your stepdad as much as you can. If you succeed, it will make all your lifes easier.

[stephaniec]

I'm sorry this has happened, This is just my opinion . but I've known people like your step father, they don't change. I don't know how long you've known him or how old you are ,but the best thing to do is move on.  Honestly he's not your father, If he was you wouldn't have this problem. Your mothers in a though spot and its very sad things like this happen to family's . I'm sure you old enough for me to say this , but its your life not he's in any way. If you have no money and no other form of transportation and are totally dependent on a car it kind of shows you how wrong his attitude toward you is especially if he uses the term father. I sorry for what's happened but you sound like your on your own any way so I guess it would probably be beat to just move on.

[Shantel]

Hello Collette!
          My bet is that your stepfather is a bully toward your mom and she's just put up with it for so many years that she allowed him to bully on you. I've known overbearing a-holes like him and he isn't going to change. His bringing Jesus into it is about as ridiculous as the Nazis telling Jews that they are gassing them for killing Christ. You need to go to a small claims court and ask for a consultation with a court appointed lawyer. My gut feeling is that as long as the car was given as a gift several years ago and you have been paying the license and registration fees on it, that the court may find that they stole it from you regardless of the title being in their name or not. Then I would make it clear to them that you are cutting them out of your life. MY money is on the probability that your mom will see the light and dump the redneck and get her self worth back. You have to get pro-active on this or just become a poor me sh*t taker the rest of your life. Keep us posted hon! (((huga))) ~Shan~

[innainka]

Hey Girl, insecurities run wild with almost everyone walking this earth. Your mother had shown love, the ability to try and seek the truth within you, however, she too is insecure and perhaps will choose to stay and obey her demons and the man she confides in.

Everyone has a potential to love unconditionally, but instead of just doing so, first they must get arid of their own demons, this proves on and on to be harder then just saying it. My own birth father had disowned me, a 44 year old child at the time, because of his own guilt and insecurities. It is hard to process such rejection as its mechanism seems out of this world, but it happens every day to hundreds.

Your truth however, is you OWN path, not theirs, in that you will find pain but also great joy!

All my love, Inna

[barbie]

innainka, I am sorry for your worst situation. It takes a lot of time for your parents to digest what you talked. Although it would be difficult, take some time and be patient. Probably they will never completely understand who you are, but at least they may grasp it.

In my case, I thought my dad was a kind of redneck in your language term, but later I found that he was far more open-minded than I had expected.

Usually I avoid explaining and arguing with people regarding my gender issue. I was already tired of it more than 10 years ago. Why should I explain it to them? Even I do not explain in detail to my family members.

Action is more powerful than speaking in persuading and making them understand who I am. A few people still ask me why I am wearing skirts. If my wearing skirt does not hint anything to them, then all of my talking would be futile. I do not explain in detail to imbecile persons, not because I disregard them, but because it is just a waste of time and effort.

Yes. Economic dependence is a factor. If I have economic power, then they first come to me to understand me before I ask their understanding. If you need financial support from your parents, you have better approach it very slowly and carefully, IMHO.

barbie~~

[Pia Bianca]

MY money is on the probability that your mom will see the light and dump the redneck and get her self worth back. You have to get pro-active on this or just become a poor me sh*t taker the rest of your life.

I wouldn't say so. While fighting at court might increase the pressure on her mother, it might also increase the pressure on her mother. This might sound like repeating, but it's a boon and a curse at the same time. While it might help her mother to snap out of it, there's a chance that it drives her even deeper into it.

Colette, I'd say the best way is to let go. Letting go is the best way to keep. Fighting might make you guilty - at least in your mothers view. And your mother thinking bad of you is the least you might want right now. Going down the legal way might poison the relationships forever and while this might be okay regarding your stepdad, I wouldn't want this regarding your mother...

[Shantel]

I wouldn't say so. While fighting at court might increase the pressure on her mother, it might also increase the pressure on her mother. This might sound like repeating, but it's a boon and a curse at the same time. While it might help her mother to snap out of it, there's a chance that it drives her even deeper into it.

Colette, I'd say the best way is to let go. Letting go is the best way to keep. Fighting might make you guilty - at least in your mothers view. And your mother thinking bad of you is the least you might want right now. Going down the legal way might poison the relationships forever and while this might be okay regarding your stepdad, I wouldn't want this regarding your mother...

You may have a valid point there, but personally I hate to see anyone accept being a doormat just because the parents don't like what she's doing with her life. When you give in to their pressure then they know they have power over you and it doesn't stop there. When you get your back up and say enough, they back off. When it comes to transition one can't just lay down and give in to the aggression of naysayers. Besides if the mother is going to back away from her child then there's not much of a relationship to lose. Whose life is it anyway?

[Jill F]

So, you know what- your idiot stepdad just empowered you by showing you his hand.  He is weak, ashamed and probably feels emasculated.  He probably fears that his peer group would have a field day with him if they only knew.  Some of his idiot friends (that he copletely deserves) probably will give him hell for the rest of forever, but some may surprise you by taking your side and tell him what an ass he is. 

I would consider outing yourself to everyone he knows.

When I came out, my mother told me to keep this all a secret to a lot of family, so I made sure to tell the gossip queen cousin first.

If he wants to punish himself with shame, let him wallow in it forever.  He deserves it.