Honest opinions--where?

[Oriah]

if what you are looking for is complete, unrefined honesty, in my opinion, support forums aren't the place to go.....in the name of support, a lot of responses get padded, nobody wants to say something to hurt someone's feelings, so the worst anyone is likely to say is "you've got potential".  Try someplace like hotornot.com or one of it's spinoffs.  It will be people who don't know you are trans, won't be trying to be supportive, won't be trying to spare feelings.....it will be real, and honest.....just be prepared for whatever may come if you use them

[sad panda]

I couldn't see your photo, but I kind of think that doesn't matter.
What you want sounds very reasonable to me, but maybe difficult to accomplish. I wonder if you live somewhere that makes it more difficult to feel like you can live in the in-between kind of gender area?
Anyway, I'd say you're on the right track with experimenting with clothes.
Allow yourself to just be you, as much as you can without thinking about what's expected of you.
And a *good* therapist might help you find a way to ease into self acceptance. Whether that's female, male, or in between as well as however you want you express yourself.

Thank you for your support MacG!!

I live in a semi-rural area just outside of the south, yeah, it wouldn't fly here sadly. It's mostly older and blue collar types of people and they look at me weird enough just for being fashionable. I travel an hour to see my (DBT) therapist and 3 hrs to my endo. I don't really like living here at all, I want to live somewhere really modern and liberal but don't have much of a choice right now.

Though yeah, my therapist is awesome!! She's SO nice and supportive. The only thing is, she only knew me as a cis girl for a few months, then I told her I had transitioned, but I kind of pretended I was happier about it than I really was, because she was so happy for me. Well... I still haven't told her about wanting to be a boy, I'm the first trans person she has met to begin with and I don't think she would judge me but I don't know  I want to tell her though >< gahhh

if what you are looking for is complete, unrefined honesty, in my opinion, support forums aren't the place to go.....in the name of support, a lot of responses get padded, nobody wants to say something to hurt someone's feelings, so the worst anyone is likely to say is "you've got potential".  Try someplace like hotornot.com or one of it's spinoffs.  It will be people who don't know you are trans, won't be trying to be supportive, won't be trying to spare feelings.....it will be real, and honest.....just be prepared for whatever may come if you use them

Yeah.. I thought of that. I went to hotornot but it only lets you use facebook... which I don't wanna attach to this lol. :S

[Ltl89]

I wouldn't be afraid to address this with your therapist.  After all, the whole point is to share everything and get help.  She may have much better insight than anyone here.  Maybe discussing it will help.

Secondly, I want to wish you well with your experimentation with new clothes.  And don't worry about being a fem guy.  There are plenty of them around.  Then again, I'm in NY so it's probably different.  Still, if this is who you are, then you may need to sacrifice blending in the shadows in order to express yourself in the desired way.  It's sad, but that's likely the case if you are trying to blend male presentation with a very feminine look.  Though it doesn't mean it's a bad thing.  Most of the very fem guys I know are very out and proud and couldn't be happier. 

And no need to apologize for your feelings.  Everyone here struggles in some way with gender dysphoria or issues with gender presentation.  It's about how we feel inside that's most important and finding a way to express that. 

Good luck with everything!