Did anyone "develop" genital dysphoria?

[suzifrommd]

I've never hated my male bits. I always wished they were female bits, and wasn't thrilled about have them, but I've always thought I escaped the painful body dysphoria that so many of my MtF sisters suffered from.

Not sure why, but I'm finding the thing increasingly ugly and unpleasant. Might have something to do with there being more mirrors in bathrooms in my new house, might be full-time living, might be HRT, or might be the approach of my surgery date. For whatever reason I find it really gross to look at. (I still don't mind the sensation of having it, but I hate seeing it.)

Anyone else find they developed genital dysphoria during their transition?

[Jill F]

I've been trying to shove it all back up in there since I was a little kid! 

[Carrie Liz]

I didn't develop it during transition, it's always been there, but it's definitely been getting worse as transition has been going on. The dysphoria actually eased up quite a bit after starting HRT, because the spontaneous erections finally went away. But now as I've gone on in transition, it's once again getting stronger, for the exact same reason that you mentioned... because it just doesn't look "right," because it just seems unpleasant to look at compared to the rest of my soft increasingly-feminine body, and because I've started seeing myself as a girl, and yet that thing is still down there.

Different reasons I guess. Before, I primarily hated it because its function annoyed the hell out of me, where now it's less of that and more about just wanting everything to look and feel "right." (And of wanting to be able to wear gender-appropriate swimwear and not having to put up with tucking constantly.)

[kathyk]

Oh my God Suzi, this is a giant YES.  I want them gone, and almost can't wait a year to get it done.  Since about 2002 it's all I wanted, and it's killing me to have to hide that stick all day.  I've wished I'd have a terrible accident, or something else would happen to make them go away. 

At least now I can kind of see an end to the torture. 

[April Lee]

I don't really hate my body, but I don't spend a lot of time looking at my body either. I try to avoid that as much as possible. It is more like it doesn't feel exactly right. Sometimes it feels like there is another female body underneath, and I am inside this male suit, or something like that. With me starting hrt in about week, I am wondering how hormones will change my perception of my body, especially my male genitalia.   

[JaneNicole2013]

I was like you in that I wanted something else but it didn't bother me like it does others. However, it has gotten worse for me after starting HRT. Sometimes I just want to rip them off (figuratively, not literally).

I have gone from Gender Uncomfortable to full blown Gender Dysphoria. At the same time, I've never been happier and more myself...even the mood swings and pouty days are welcome changes .

Jane

[stephaniec]

it's been wrong since day one

[LizMarie]

Let me recommend "That was dysphoria?" 8 signs and symptoms of indirect gender dysphoria.

Also, and I will speculate here based on my own situation but I never liked my male bits. Yet I never allowed myself to loathe them (except at about age 13 when I almost cut everything off).

However, once I began therapy, one of the first things I had to do was stop lying to myself and let myself express everything that I'd repressed over the years. And at that point, I began to realize that I not only disliked my male bits but actively loathed them and that I had done so my entire life, yet had concealed this from myself as a matter of survival.

I don't know about anyone else but I would guess that many of us never liked what we had in the first place and simply repressed it. This is akin to me finally allowing myself to remember that kiss from one of my two best friends, to remember wishing I was his girl friend, to finally acknowledging that I like men too so am bi. That was another journey over the last 22 months of therapy.

[Dee]

Yes.  Genital dysphoria, specifically, wasn't ever really a major issue until the past few months.  I was certainly indifferent towards them, with an obvious preference to what set I wish I had, but since I started passing more in public, it's become an issue I want to address.  My friends and family have accepted me, and include me in activities as one of the girls, and it feels like the more I'm drawn into this circle, the more my genital dysphoria makes me anxious.

Case in point: a few weeks ago, a group of us spent a few days snowboarding in Vermont.  Our place had a hot tub, and the resort near us had an indoor water park.  I took some major steps partaking in both, but it wasn't without constant fear of popping out.  It would be great to be included as one of the girls, and not be terrified of every recreational/relaxation activity...

Not to mention, of course, the shift in sexual orientation, or how wrong it looks when I see myself in a mirror as I'm changing.

[Jessica Merriman]

A big YES! If I didn't need it for SRS "it" would already have been gone one way or another. I never could figure out though how to explain to the authorities how "it" ended up under the lawn mower, so I gave up that idea.*giggle*

[mrs izzy]

Yep....... every day of every year of my adult life up to last year.

It all went away in just a few hrs of sleep.

Isabell

[oh hai!]

Always preferred and wanted female genitalia but had no particular dysphoria with male genitalia. Now as I progress on HRT and certain appendages are, em, shrinking, I find I'm actually becoming increasingly dysphoric with them and really needing GRS. This primarily fueled my decision to go full time this year in order to hasten the surgery. Don't know if that is common on what not. 

[FalseHybridPrincess]

well yeah,,, after hrt I just really dont see a reason why I should keep it...it feels kinda...it feels that it doesnt belong somehow

[Beth Andrea]

I was mostly indifferent to them prior to self-acceptance, had occasional bouts of dysphoria but as time goes on I get more and more uncomfortable (mentally + emotionally) with their presence...especially when tucked...the little bit of bulk that remains, even with a good tuck, is constantly reminding me of what shouldn't be there.

Surgery will fix this.

[Adam (birkin)]

Coming from the other side, I can say it was always there but I definitely became more aware of it as time progressed. Before, I just kind of...neglected to be aware of its existence and ignored it. I just didn't give it any thought because I had no use for it. And before starting hormones, that was sort of the central goal so bottom issues went on the back burner. And as of now I am more concerned about my chest than anything else because hiding them takes a lot of effort. I kind of have this bad feeling that bottom dysphoria will be worsened once I'm not expending a lot of energy trying to hide two large lumps.

[ErinM]

I always felt a certain level of detachment to mine. I actually remember as a child being slightly thrown by the fact that they it so firmly attached to my body.

As a point of comparison I feel that my prothetic eye is more a part of my body than it.

I was able to tolerate it mostly because it was basically a prop in this male role that I played despite no one ever seeing it.

As I've progressed through the various stages of transition my tolerance has been fading and now it's becoming less welcome every day. It's gotten to the point that the only value it has is to be "up-cycled" into the proper part.

[Jenna Marie]

Yes. I had no problem with it for the first year or so, and for the first six months of transition I was even fine with/enjoyed using it. Then I started to be less thrilled with it but could cope. But it seemed like the  more I fixed everything else about my body, the more the last few "male" things bothered me...  Then when I grew boobs and got curvy and feminine all over that *thing* started to really get to me. By the last few months before GRS, I literally couldn't stand to look at or think about it without getting sick. I wasn't particularly pleased, actually, since it seemed like dysphoria got worse instead of better in some ways the farther I got into transition!

Luckily, GRS cured the dysphoria for good. I still wish I had a prettier nose, smaller forehead, etc. but all my issues now fall into the "standard woman doesn't like her appearance" crap and not dysphoria. Thank goodness.