Hi Jace:
You should talk with some of the administrators at whichever school you decide to enroll in. Quite a bit of schools allow you to sign up under your preferred gender and preferred name. All your legal stuff relating to school will use your legal name, but things like attendance, e-mails, etc. will often use your preferred name. You shouldn't e-mail just the teachers, because if you talk to the admins about your preferred name, your school e-mail address, school ID, etc. might be put under your preferred rather than legal name.
The dorm situation often depends on the schools policies. If you attend a school without gender-neutral housing, you may need to room with females until you get a letter from a therapist, or start hormones. E-mail the Dean of Students and explain the situation and see what they say their housing policies are. Some schools have certain dorm buildings or areas of dorms that are reserved for LGBT-friendly students who wish to room in that environment.
Another option is to live off-campus, in your OP it seems like your school has some kind of a program that will help you find roommates. From my experience with off-campus housing offices, they just give you some leads and then you go and contact the roommates and landlords yourself. This gives you more flexibility with your presentation, though your roommates will undoubtedly learn your legal name once you sign the lease. If you qualify for financial aid, you can get a living-expense check once a semester that you are supposed to use for things like rent, food, transportation, and utilities. If you find a roommate or two, living off campus can be more affordable than staying in a dorm.
Quote from: Jace on February 02, 2014, 08:13:27 PM
The school that requires I live in a dorm has gender neutral housing so that's really nice but it's also my second pick school and I'm not sure if my parents would try to steer me away from that to a same gender dorm or if they will allow me the privacy to make my own decisions without asking too many questions.
I don't know if they will contact my parents or send mail home but if they do I don't want them to out me on accident.
Idk how your parents are, but mine didn't care what I did much for school. I made all the decisions, picked where I was going, paid for it myself (through financial aid and scholarships), and worked while I was in school so I didn't have to ask them for money. I wouldn't even have let my parents look at the papers to decide what dorm I should live in or what school I went to. Unless your parents are paying for a lot of your school out-of-pocket, or getting you loans, this should be entirely your decision. Going away should be about you leaving the nest and developing your independence. Consult them if you want, but the decision should be up to you. If you're going to be living someplace, you should live where
you'll be the most comfortable, not your parents.
Also, generally colleges don't contact your parents, except in emergencies if you listed them as your emergency contact. You may be outed if you have the school use your preferred name instead of your legal one, and if they send you letters or your financial aid package to your parents house. You can avoid this by not listing your parent's home as your mailing address once you enroll. If you get an apartment, use that as your mailing address, or get a P.O. box. A small sized P.O. box is actually pretty cheap to rent.
BTW, depending on where you go to school and their health insurance plans, you may be able to get help medically transitioning. If you sign up for the school's health insurance, read it carefully because you may get visits from a gender therapist covered, as well as part of the cost of hormones, surgery, etc.
Good luck, I hope you enjoy college.
