My mom has had an unlucky life. She's been dealing with depression for 25 years, and she along with my sister have been supported by my dad for 20 years since she divorced (my dad left us and just gave us financial support to compensate for him not being a part of the family, and went off to chase his dreams of being rich. BTW the financial support was only barely enough, inadequate to pay for things like health insurance) My dad's wealthy, but there are times that he's complaining that my mom and sister aren't working, and makes it sound like he doesn't want to support her. My mom is an immigrant and doesn't even have a high school diploma. She's tried to get her high school diploma, but she always received inadequate help. She's tried to learn dental assisting, but went to a place that teached her inadequately, and she felt intimidated because she always thought that they would never employ someone her age and because she didn't go to a good school (that was in the late 90's), and later on she wanted to be a home health aid when she moved to Tucson 5 years ago, she found out they required her to have a high school diploma, which she couldn't get (and I couldn't help her because I couldn't stand Tucson and had very bad anxiety issues.) We had to move to Tucson because of the bad economy. She's now 62 and just about the worst possible place one could be in American society in terms of employability. It seems nowadays like you don't get a job, you win a job (but of course, there are many losers for every winner.)
I've been wanting to move out and now my sister, who's going to the university, wants to move out as well. We moved to California from Arizona, but apparently where she was living before (Tucson) had much better help for depressed people than in California. She now has no help in paying for her medications, and its hard just to even see a doctor if your between having a very low income and having insurance.
She's extremely disappointed and frustrated with her life, and keeps on telling me that she doesn't want to live, why do I want her to live (I've tried to discourage her as much as I can from suicide), and she hates her life. She has said for perhaps the past 10 years that she's only living because of me and my sister (which has always hindered me in trying to transition in case she became extremely disappointed with me.) Her depression involves her being bombarded often with suicidal thoughts. She let her antidepressants run out a month ago and I was scared that she would commit suicide (after my sister said something to make my mom feel unloved). She happened to have one refill left and we got a costco to get her the medication. But she's having difficulty getting it back without having to pay a lot of money for a doctor. And then will they give her more than one month's supply of meds? My mom was a complete wreck before she got on the medication, and without the medication she can't function. She was on antidepressants and got out of them for a few years more than 4 years ago, but the bad economy hit and my dad was putting a lot of pressure on us to get jobs as well as not wanting to give us anymore money eventually (due to his income going way down) and it was complete hell back in 2009. My mom ended up calling a suicide hotline in Tucson and they gave her help there. They had a lot of resources to help her there, and got her on antidepressants again. But since the economy improved in 2012 and we moved back to California (so my sister could go to the university again), and we made the big mistake to think that there would be resources in California, with people with a heart, but we haven't found any in Northern California.
My sister's making my mom feel unloved (as well as threatening her only means of financial support) and I feel trapped in this situation of having to keep my mom alive and being worried that she'll want to end it all. She feels worthless many times and that noone wants her. She actually has a good amount of work ethic, but society nowadays is very cruel to the unemployed and especially the long term unemployed and she doesn't have much to put on a resume (being a stay at home mom for a long time.) I have my own issues and problems to deal with (being transgender who hasn't transitioned yet, as well as trying to concentrate on my work) and I'm feeling very overwhelmed and stressed that I may lose my mom because I don't make enough money to help her and noone else in this world has a heart to help her. This is also overwhelming me emotionally, and I feel frustrated in being unable to help her that much.
I have to admit that at times I feel so overwhelmed that I feel like just letting her to potentially commit suicide, which scares me and makes me extremely disappointed myself at life and at a cold, heartless society. Is society so savage that it basically encourages people to take their life if they happened to get into very bad circumstances?
