Does this always dominate your life?

[Danniella]

I'm having a bit of a rough time atm...

Right now it feels like no matter what I do, I can't stop thinking and stressing out over my dysphoria, my transition and my friends/families opinions on both of these things.

I've been feeling this way for months now, almost every second of every day I am worrying or thinking about it. Maybe it's because it's still relatively new to me, I don't know, but it is really beginning to drain me mentally and physically.

Is it always going to be like this for the rest of my life?

Can you actually get to the stage where all of the dysphoria and the things that go with it become just background noise to your daily activities?

Right now it feels like it will never be, and that I wont be able to look in a reflective surface again without all the negative connotations that come with it...I won't be able to be with a cis woman and obsess over what she has that I don't...fear stepping outside because you might bump into a group of hateful teenagers...I'm sure you know the drill

Sorry for the downer, just looking for a light at the end of the tunnel I think

[FalseHybridPrincess]

Yeah,,,I too cant stop thinking about it...

thats why I transition , to get things right and eventually stop these thoughts,,,

[LordKAT]

It does fade. It gets where even when you feel the dysphoria, you know it is temporary. Hang in there.

[eli77]

Can you actually get to the stage where all of the dysphoria and the things that go with it become just background noise to your daily activities?

Yep! I can't say it's perfect, but you did say "background noise" not perfect. And background noise is exactly how I'd describe how it is for me now. I mean, I'll always be trans and I'll always care about trans folks and trans stuff because that's who I am, but the dysphoria? I mean I get flickers of it when I stare at a mirror too long or look at pictures I don't like. But it's pretty meaningless compared to how bad and how constant it used to be. So, like, hang in there, love, it should get better!

(I transitioned 3 years ago, for the record and all.)

[Tristan]

What I use to do is have things to occupy my time. Like volleyball, softball cheer friends. In college I added sorority life to that and parties. But if you do parties be careful. Other fun things are like dog parks, walking .clubs etc

[ConfusedHumanUK]

I hope it goes I've had it since I found out. Not yet worked up enough courage to do anything, which I know I need to do. It's affecting my work so much right now.

[suzifrommd]

Can you actually get to the stage where all of the dysphoria and the things that go with it become just background noise to your daily activities?

A friend and I came up for a name for this. We called it GIP (Gender Identity Preoccupation). As my transition progressed and I became more comfortable in my new skin, I found it receded.

My fear has also receded, mostly because of 7 successful months without incident, though the possibility of problems is always at the back of my mind.

[Sephirah]

Can you actually get to the stage where all of the dysphoria and the things that go with it become just background noise to your daily activities?

I tend to equate it to an itch of the soul. Think about how much an itch itches when you desperately want to scratch it but know you can't quite reach. To the point where it's the only thing you can think about and it drives you insane.

When you do or find things which make you feel good about yourself, things which make you feel closer to your sense of self, things which make you feel, as Suzi puts it, comfortable in your new skin... the itch gets scratched. And while it may not go away entirely, it does recede.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Danniella,

In the initial stages, yes it does become a preoccupation, compounded with all the fears and doubts the future may hold.

When you start to make a plan and you start to see a posible end, the dysphoria may abate. It depends on how serious it is. A good gender therapist should be able to assist you on this matter. Remember, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

One thing you'll have to get used to for a short time is being bloody selfish. You do have to shut out others thoughts and opinions, until you have absolute clarity about the matter in hand, yourself. Involving others in the mix too early can be debilitatingly confusing.

Because of he excessive mental hoops and jumps you're going through, you will need more sleep and rest than usual to keep up with it. Start out by writing down you doubts and fears so you can work through them one at a time. Some you may have to set aside until you have more information.

Hugs
Catherine

[me]

Danniella, I'm glad you asked this as it's the biggest problem I have right now, something that borders on an obsession with my gender and how wrong it feels.  I've literally thought of little else for at least a year now, and I sincerely hope that as I start to act on these thoughts and feelings, they'll start to fade and disappear.

With any luck, transitioning (to whatever degree feels appropriate) will be like quenching a thirst; something that one doesn't think about when the need has been satisfied, and the normal things in daily life can once again take priority.

[Jeatyn]

In my experience it does eventually get better. I'm just myself now, I don't worry about my gender or what other people are thinking of me. I'm just getting on with my life and very much enjoying myself along the way There really is light at the end of the tunnel, you just gotta keep moving forward, one step at a time.

[Missy~rmdlm]

Nope.
The years leading up to moving forward on transition and the first year of transition(therapy, disclosure, legals and moving into RLE) were fairly high intensity as far as mental resources directed to transition/dysphoria. I'm far more interested in my social life, dinner and watching all of Black Adder on netflix at the moment.

[ConfusedHumanUK]

Nope.
The years leading up to moving forward on transition and the first year of transition(therapy, disclosure, legals and moving into RLE) were fairly high intensity as far as mental resources directed to transition/dysphoria. I'm far more interested in my social life, dinner and watching all of Black Adder on netflix at the moment.

Completely off topic but...

Blackadder rules

[Jenna Marie]

No. As everyone says, it can get better. I was obsessed too for the first year or so.

Now, coming up on 5 years post-transition... dysphoria is totally gone, and I mostly think about trans stuff when *other* people bring it up around me.  It's not even so much background noise as largely disappeared, which is great.

[kelly_aus]

It will control your life only as much as you let it..

[Rachel]

Hugs Danniella,

A year ago dysphoria caused me to make a decision and I chose to get help; I was at zero. I have been dealing with my issues, transitioning and coming out (when advantageous). I am getting to the trans* pride phase and really starting to welcome who I am. Now my dysphoria is more in waves from manageable to emotional. The sad times are less and I think that is because I am actively doing something, I have made progress and I have a loose plan. I have a lot of common trans and abuse triggers. I guess I filter all things through  MTF transsexual eyes. I look forward to some day  having my dysphoria in the background, perhaps this time next year or the year after.

[April Lee]

My gender discomfort has ebbed and flowed over decades. It seems to have been at its least when I have been able to concentrate on something else so hard, that I can push all other thoughts out of my mind. It is at its worse when I am experiencing stress elsewhere in my life that leaves me fragmented. When its at it worse, it so dominates my thoughts that I have difficulty concentrating on anything else, I have extreme anxiety, and I feel somewhat similar to how I felt upon hearing of the death of a close relative. It is during those times that I start seriously thinking about transitioning. But the low period passes, and I am able to concentrate on something else. However, as the years have gone on, the depth and length of my gender discomfort periods have increased.

[mayasunrising]

My dysphoria has definitely receded as my transition has progressed. I'll be a year in this weekend and while I still struggle from time to time, their are also moments when I kinda forget I'm trans at all. I just feel female. The hardest thing for me to get over was always wondering if I was "being read." As time progressed and I became more confident in who I was that worry also faded. It gets better. Just hang in there.

One thing that really helped me manage my dysphoria is meditation. I practice being in my body and loving it how it is in the moment. It is not perfect. I know this. There are parts I wish I did not have. But my body is still my symbiotic partner in this time/space. I need it as it needs me. If there is hate between us neither one will function properly.