Charity case?

[LittleEmily24]

I dont mean to make this sound all too negative, but do you ever feel like people are treating you like you're handicapped? or Like you need some kind of "help", not in the sense of "oh you need to fix your way of thinking", but more in the "oh look at the poor transgirl, lets go clap for her."

Not saying that I think there's anything wrong with this, I often enjoy when I go to karaoke in a new place and people try to encourage me (and this is mostly because they can SEE that I'm nervous, so I don't put any of the direction based on the fact that I'm obviously pre-hrt). But sometimes i feel like sometimes cis-people say they want to "help" me along my way as if I were some kind of lost puppy lol.

I dont know how to feel about this, sometimes its cool i guess, other times it feels maybe unnecessary or like "damn, thanks for reminding me that I don't pass very well." Maybe i'm just crazy, but anyway ~ Just recently i've been talking to a cisgirl who says she wants to be friends with me and "help me along my way", that was pretty much the BASIS for her contacting me online ~ I guess I'm just curious if anyone else experiences this and whether or not you like or dislike it. I'm somewhat indifferent about it.

Also; by this I don't mean support, I feel like there is a significant difference between someone who talks to me to tell me about their friend or their fiance who is also transitioning, and someone who just sees me and wants to automatically "help" me in some way as if I needed it. I hope this isn't making me come off as bitchy

[Oriah]

I got a lot of that at first....but if you think about it, it is a handicap of sorts for a lot of us.  After living as a male for 19 years, even through my careful observation of women, there were things I was missing...bits of socialization I'd missed out on, or certain mannerisms, etc. that were little "tells".  Because of the help of a lot of people, my presentation became better; and in time that presentation became second nature.  For me, even when it was annoying, I listened to every bit of advice, even if I didn't use it.  It made me a lot less conspicuous in public during a socially awkward time.

but, that's just my experience with it

[LittleEmily24]

thats the thing though, when it comes to getting attention out in public, the only time I attract the wrong kind of attention is when people take a good look at my face or my body structure, because my mannerisms and the way i walk are all female, in fact most of the time if people don't get a look at my face, they don't even notice me ~ I'm practically invisible in a dim-lighted room or club because I guess I pass pretty well until people get a good look at my face and see how rigid I am. But what really kinda gets to me is when "random" people feel the need to "help" me even though I'm not asking for help. I love it when people give me advice on my transition, or when my girl-friends try to give me tips on feminization (hell i often ask them if I'm doing something wrong or right) and they've all told me that I have no problem being feminine... But sometimes when I'm out and i catch a glimpse of someone making the dreaded "connection"... and then coming up to me and saying "oh, you're very beautiful."... i feel like its more damaging than it is helpful... because it makes me feel like i didn't do a very good job. Idk if I'm alone in that, but I'm perfectly happy simply being referred to as "mam" or like last night when i went to Target with my wife (I was in gym clothes and NO makeup or wig) yet the sales clerk passed by and simply asked "can i help you ladies with anything?" and THAT felt amazing... things like that feel more amazing to me than a direct comment from a stranger going out of their way to say I'm "beautiful"... idk, i feel it doesn't leave the desired effect.

[Androgynous_Machine]

I dont mean to make this sound all too negative, but do you ever feel like people are treating you like you're handicapped? or Like you need some kind of "help", not in the sense of "oh you need to fix your way of thinking", but more in the "oh look at the poor transgirl, lets go clap for her."

Not saying that I think there's anything wrong with this, I often enjoy when I go to karaoke in a new place and people try to encourage me (and this is mostly because they can SEE that I'm nervous, so I don't put any of the direction based on the fact that I'm obviously pre-hrt). But sometimes i feel like sometimes cis-people say they want to "help" me along my way as if I were some kind of lost puppy lol.

I dont know how to feel about this, sometimes its cool i guess, other times it feels maybe unnecessary or like "damn, thanks for reminding me that I don't pass very well." Maybe i'm just crazy, but anyway ~ Just recently i've been talking to a cisgirl who says she wants to be friends with me and "help me along my way", that was pretty much the BASIS for her contacting me online ~ I guess I'm just curious if anyone else experiences this and whether or not you like or dislike it. I'm somewhat indifferent about it.

Also; by this I don't mean support, I feel like there is a significant difference between someone who talks to me to tell me about their friend or their fiance who is also transitioning, and someone who just sees me and wants to automatically "help" me in some way as if I needed it. I hope this isn't making me come off as bitchy

I like the cisgender males(and sometimes females) that are all "Oh yeah, good for you girl!" in private but avoid you like you'll kill them on contact in public.

One went as far as to tell me that he's worried that other people might think we are hooking up.

It is that kind of BS I'm sick of.  I don't care if people know my T but good lord in what reality does hanging out with someone mean your sleeping together?

-AM

[Tristan]

In the beginning yes. My parents were afraid of me getting hurt again. Treated me like I was 4