so what do you do if the surgery in't what you had hoped

[stephaniec]

I've got some time before I do any surgery. I know I've wanted my body to conform to my mind all my life. I'm sure I could accept the results even if they weren't perfect because mentally I've lived with a vagina my entire life. Just curious if any one thought much of preparing ones self for the possibility that the operation doesn't achieve the desired goal of mentally feeling better. There is the story of the tennis player Rene Richards who realized afterward that the operation didn't give her the resolution she had sought and under took the process of trying to surgically get back to her former body. I'm just asking this question because it doesn't seem unreasonable to ask it of those contemplating the full transition.

[MadelineB]

My dear friend and electrologist were just talking about that last night. She has been working with transitioning and transitioned women for 30 years now. She is good friends with one of the top GCS surgeons in the country. What he tells his patients is that GCS is just the frosting on the cake. You should go into it with reasonable expectations. It will turn your outie vagina into an innie vagina and remove the lumps from your labia. That is all. Your joy in life and healing in your heart all come from within.

If you don't love your self before the surgery, you won't love your self after. If you don't love your life before the surgery, you won't love your life after. If you don't love your body before the surgery, you won't love your body after.
Your vagina is only 1% of your body, and rarely seen by anyone. It is only touched by someone who you already trust deeply. It helps to have it match the map in your head, but billions of unhappy and unsatisfied women can attest that a vagina doesn't make you a woman, your heart does, and a vagina doesn't make you happy, your mind does.

I know I am ready for mine because I already know and love myself, already live and love to the fullest, and already love my imperfect, wonderful body.

[Jessica Merriman]

I know I am ready for mine because I already know and love myself, already live and love to the fullest, and already love my imperfect, wonderful body.

This Xs a thousand! I know I will be OK afterward because I have this philosophy as well. I am not one of those sitting around all day thinking the vagina makes the woman. Her heart, mind and soul does. Having an innie will just decrease the last of the Dysphoria when looking in the mirror, etc. and make me more comfortable.

[amZo]

I've got some time before I do any surgery. I know I've wanted my body to conform to my mind all my life. I'm sure I could accept the results even if they weren't perfect because mentally I've lived with a vagina my entire life. Just curious if any one thought much of preparing ones self for the possibility that the operation doesn't achieve the desired goal of mentally feeling better. There is the story of the tennis player Rene Richards who realized afterward that the operation didn't give her the resolution she had sought and under took the process of trying to surgically get back to her former body. I'm just asking this question because it doesn't seem unreasonable to ask it of those contemplating the full transition.

I think working through all these concerns makes for a more smooth transition.

Regarding Renee Richards, I just watched a documentary on her on Netflix. As I was watching, I was surprised she hadn't elected FFS (which could explain some of her disappointment?). The documentary seemed fairly dated, so that may no longer be true and it didn't mention her attempted switch back. It's fascinating she competed in professional women's tennis, which I think was in the 70's, I had never heard of her until recently.

[suzifrommd]

Stephanie, this is an issue with me also. My surgery is scheduled for June. I'm a generally happy, well adjusted person. I really like my body, even my lower regions, though I am acutely aware that it's the wrong shape.

I know that I may end up paying a lot of money and go through a lot of pain and incapacity, to find that I've ended up worse than I started.

I can't answer that, because there is no way I can know what having a neovagina will feel like. I can read all the posts here and listen to people's stories, but that's still all objective - I won't know what I'll feel like. Even RLE is useless for this purpose (can't understand why the medical community seems to think it will provide any info at all about SRS).

I ended up putting all my thoughts about it into a couple of posts, which helped me feel more comfortable with my decision:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,144907.msg1184148.html#msg1184148

and

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,148903.0.html

[mrs izzy]

Stephaniec,

If you have a once of doubt at all do not go into GRS as the cure all.

GRS/GCS/SRS not like taking HRT, is a life changing operation.

Never expect the surgery to be 100% realistic. It is and never will be a real vajayjay.

So if you have unrealistic expectation you are not going to be happy.

It is major surgery and carries huge risks. I think the most common is numbness and can be isolated or wide spread.

Aftercare, What can i say. It will take up all your time for the first few months. You will come to hate plastic and lube real fast.

The surgery is the easy part, a few hrs asleep with a surgery artist. Once you wake up it is months of care that will make the surgery a sucess or failure.

For me it was something i knew inside i needed, Not wanted but needed to be happy. I could not stand the sight of it. GRS is my life saving grace and now my mind is quiet. I have put 101% effort into my aftercare and I am truly happy with my Neo vajayjay.

And every neo vajayjay is there own. No two are alike.

Hugs
Isabell

[Jenna Marie]

I was prepared for *physical* complications, because anyone going into this should be as educated and aware as possible of all the negative issues that might arise. (I'm always baffled by people who say afterward that they didn't know a given well-documented complication was possible.)

As for mental... I spent a lot of time turning that over in my mind in the year of waiting for my date to arrive, and the best answer I could come up with was that I would *probably* still be happier. It might not 100% banish the dysphoria (I was lucky and this DID happen, but as you say, obviously we can't know that in advance), but even in the worst-case scenario I was so incredibly unhappy and dysphoric pre-op that I had to assume post-op would at least be an improvement. And then I'd have done the best I could, and I'd have to find a way to live with the reduced but still lingering misery.

I saw someone elsewhere who was aware going into it that this would be a mistake, that she did NOT want to change her body this way, and did it anyway. She's now more dysphoric afterward than before, and that's an outcome that all of her friends (that I saw) tried to warn her about. It's been a few years now and she's still profoundly unhappy.

[stephaniec]

My dear friend and electrologist were just talking about that last night. She has been working with transitioning and transitioned women for 30 years now. She is good friends with one of the top GCS surgeons in the country. What he tells his patients is that GCS is just the frosting on the cake. You should go into it with reasonable expectations. It will turn your outie vagina into an innie vagina and remove the lumps from your labia. That is all. Your joy in life and healing in your heart all come from within.

If you don't love your self before the surgery, you won't love your self after. If you don't love your life before the surgery, you won't love your life after. If you don't love your body before the surgery, you won't love your body after.
Your vagina is only 1% of your body, and rarely seen by anyone. It is only touched by someone who you already trust deeply. It helps to have it match the map in your head, but billions of unhappy and unsatisfied women can attest that a vagina doesn't make you a woman, your heart does, and a vagina doesn't make you happy, your mind does.

I know I am ready for mine because I already know and love myself, already live and love to the fullest, and already love my imperfect, wonderful body.

yea, I think this is probably  really true. I'm only 4 moths in , but I feel so comfortable with the changes so far. I've always wanted to experience my breasts developing and it has given me peace of mind. Small changes to my face are great , I hope there is a lot more to come. Its probably the best way to go about it , to love ones self.

[stephaniec]

Stephaniec,

If you have a once of doubt at all do not go into GRS as the cure all.

GRS/GCS/SRS not like taking HRT, is a life changing operation.

Never expect the surgery to be 100% realistic. It is and never will be a real vajayjay.

So if you have unrealistic expectation you are not going to be happy.

It is major surgery and carries huge risks. I think the most common is numbness and can be isolated or wide spread.

Aftercare, What can i say. It will take up all your time for the first few months. You will come to hate plastic and lube real fast.

The surgery is the easy part, a few hrs asleep with a surgery artist. Once you wake up it is months of care that will make the surgery a sucess or failure.

For me it was something i knew inside i needed, Not wanted but needed to be happy. I could not stand the sight of it. GRS is my life saving grace and now my mind is quiet. I have put 101% effort into my aftercare and I am truly happy with my Neo vajayjay.

And every neo vajayjay is there own. No two are alike.

Hugs
Isabell

I think my biggest concern would be the numbness,  The shape is more important to me. Having had this large protrusion . It would be a relief to have that corrected. I've got time to work this out, but yea that's about all I've thought about for a long time. I just feel it would be nice to have mind body in conformity.

[Tristan]

You do get numb down there. . And that's scary. But after two months it was no longer numb. But like a lot of people . Even know it's normal to be numb at first I was worried

[stephaniec]

good to know

[Jenna Marie]

I actually had the opposite problem... I was never numb.  Which meant I had to keep reminding the nurses I could FEEL what they were doing down there!

[stephaniec]

I hate when nurses don't realize something like that when it's got to do with pain.

[stephaniec]

Stephaniec,

If you have a once of doubt at all do not go into GRS as the cure all.

GRS/GCS/SRS not like taking HRT, is a life changing operation.

Never expect the surgery to be 100% realistic. It is and never will be a real vajayjay.

So if you have unrealistic expectation you are not going to be happy.

It is major surgery and carries huge risks. I think the most common is numbness and can be isolated or wide spread.

Aftercare, What can i say. It will take up all your time for the first few months. You will come to hate plastic and lube real fast.

The surgery is the easy part, a few hrs asleep with a surgery artist. Once you wake up it is months of care that will make the surgery a sucess or failure.

For me it was something i knew inside i needed, Not wanted but needed to be happy. I could not stand the sight of it. GRS is my life saving grace and now my mind is quiet. I have put 101% effort into my aftercare and I am truly happy with my Neo vajayjay.

And every neo vajayjay is there own. No two are alike.

Hugs
Isabell

The thing is that I know I have no doubts because I've lived and dreamt about it so long. I use to have quite a few girl friends and experiences,  I just stopped cold for quite awhile because I didn't fit being male. I could be successful at it , but  it wasn't me. Like every one I wish my realization would of been a lot sooner ,but it wasn't .  I know my mind will be so complete.