The only reason I am here on Susan's is to combat this myth that all relationships must be destroyed by transition, and to provide support to other partners.
So let me say this up front, as someone who's spent 4+ years devoted to this issue : it is NOT TRUE that no marriages or relationships survive. Not even close. I know of dozens of success stories by now. I wish I had known this when my wife announced her need to transition, because by far the thing that was hardest for me was everyone assuming we'd divorce and/or telling her to leave me (or me to leave her). We're still together, we're still in love, still romantically (and yes, sexually) involved, and we're happier together than before. It can be done.
Your wife may have some tough times yet to come, and I will recommend *very* strongly that you not assume that her not OK = doom for the marriage. She's entitled to have her own reactions and emotions, and some of them may not be fun, but if she's still there for you and you're both committed to making this work it absolutely can be done. I wasn't happy or excited about transition; it involved turning our lives upside down, and the reward would be that if I was lucky, I got back to the status quo I was already enjoying. But the important thing is that even though a lot of the process was incredibly hard for both of us, and made me miserable often, I decided that it was worth short-term pain to guarantee her long-term happiness because I love her. Give your wife space to process, but hey, some partners also don't have any major roadblocks to acceptance and do just fine (I envy them!), so it may also be that you both are lucky enough to discover she's one of those.
As hard as the year of transition was, I wouldn't trade a minute of my time with my wife for a "normal" relationship. Heck, I don't believe there's any such thing, really; I've never met one who was truly 100% normal!
