Coming Out Without Coming Out

[MadeleineG]

Yeah, that's basically how I did it.  It was very gradual and almost natural you would say.  My presentation sort of evolved form masculine, to queer, to outright feminine.  The only person I have ever "come out" to really is my therapist; as for everyone else, it's really none of their business.

Does your workplace have gender neutral restrooms?  If not, restrooms are going to be all the more awkward if you don't have a safe middle ground to go to without having to explain yourself. 

We don't have gender neutral bathrooms, but I rarely have to use them. I'm lucky in that I live two blocks from the office and can run home as needed.

[Missadventure]

Has anyone come out at work gradually, acting publicly as if nothing is going on, without formally explaining, warning, or advising their coworkers/workplace?

I'd appreciate hearing people's experiences with this model.

To a limited limited extent, yes. I have no say over what I wear to work - everyone wears the same thing, and sadly its incredibly masculine. But the rest of me is gradually getting more and more feminine - hair, nails, earrings, etc. So far no one has said anything, and I have no plans to say anything. It's becoming noticeable though. But, people see what they expect to see, and, no one I work with will ever expect that. I'm halfway expecting that I'll get through my entire RLE and have surgery before anyone says "Hey, wait a second... You're not a boy anymore. When did that happen?" Granted, that's waaay nicer and more accepting than I think any of my coworkers are capable of, but still, the idea amuses me.

I'm taking the same approach with my roommate. And, honestly it should be waaaaay easier for him to connect the dots. He's seen me prance through the house all femmed out plenty of times now, he's seen me line drying bras in the basement, he's seen me walk from the bathroom to my bedroom with a towel wrapped around my torso, etc. Hell, one night he invited me out to hang out with him and a friend of his, and I wore a skirt. And, yet, it still hasn't clicked in his brain. At all.

I dunno. In many ways it assuages my fears over not passing. Granted, I'd love to pass. But, really there's no reason to let the fact that I don't lower my confidence, because apparently people don't notice me anyway. Whatever.

[Dani]

I have not made any official declaration of gender yet. However, my twins will soon make the announcement for me.

I am losing much weight and as my tummy goes down, the girls are out in front. Right now I am hiding in a bulky sweater. I will have to make some statement when the weather is warmer and I leave the sweater at home.

I love my girls when they bounce, jiggle and sway from side to side.    I love to hold them close to me and feel the tender lump in each breast.  I am just not looking forward to making a public declaration.