Wanting some serious feedback

[Emily.T]

Hi girls, 
              I have a question of a serious nature, on Monday I have to go to court because my ex wife is wanting custody of my daughter who is living with me and has been since August last year.

Now here is my problem I have been living full time since June last year and I am not sure if I should go to court as my daughters father or as Emily.

I don't want my current status to go against me in court but I'm not sure if they are allowed to do that at all.  I want the best outcome possible for my daughter she is happy with me as I am and wants to continue to live with me but she is only 11 so her opinion doesn't really count much.

Does anyone have any views on this it would really help


Oh yea I live in Australia if that helps.

Emily.T xx

[Jessica Merriman]

I am going to have the same situation here in the U.S. in a couple of months. I am going as the real me, Jessica. My son lives with me and has accepted me and transition and has not had any ill effects from it. I figure with his 4.0 grade point average maintained, sleeping and eating Ok and thriving, how could they hold it against me. My decision has not interfered with his well being. At least here I don't see how the court would consider my decisions as detrimental so it should not be an issue. My soon to be ex-wife has not seen me or knows about any of my transition, especially my Full Time status. I am starting to see a very quickly resolved divorce when she gets a load of the real me.

[Ms Grace]

Hi Emily. Have you changed your name? I presume so if you're living full time. In which case you should go as the gender of your current legal name. Go as your daughter's parent.

I also presume your wife is using for an attorney for these proceedings? If so, expect them to play dirty. A friend of mine lost access to her two sons because her ex's lawyer dredged up her current relationship with a guy who, they revealed to the court, had been fined for possessing an ounce of pot 15 years earlier. She was representing herself and got totally ambushed and then steamrolled. If you can afford any legal counsel it might be worth it.

Your trans* status shouldn't be an issue but other elements of your mental and emotional health might not be so off limits. If you've ever had deep depressive episodes, "self-medicated" with booze or other substances (illicit or not) - (gee, things most trans* people experience!) - then be prepared for the possibility of them dredging it up. A good defence is your best offence in this case.

Don't mean to scare you but these are things to at least prepare for.

Good luck, hon!

[Emily.T]

Thanks for your reply Jessica. My daughter suffers from ADHD and I have done everything possible to help her mentally I have maintained her meds and made and kept counciling appts and she is supported by her school.

I hope everything works out for you as we'll honey.

Luv Emily.T xx

[Emily.T]

Thanks grace I am only on disability so usually I just get by but as for my past I guess I'm screwed then I suffer from bipolar syndrome, chronic depression and have in the past been admitted into hospital for attempted suicide in my darkest days.

[Ms Grace]

That unfortunately might be used against you, especially if she's using a lawyer. Would you qualify for legal aid or is it too late now?

[warlockmaker]

Don't underestimate what dirty tricks the lawyers will bring up. Your TS preference will be considered as it may affect the mental health of the child but if you were a cis male the chances that you will have custody of a child over a cis mother is very small. The only winners have been a financial settlement and the other winner is the lawyers. You may need to build a case that the hormones have created a person that now thinks like a female. Not many judges have tried these cases before and they like to rule with the established norms.

[Emily.T]

Hi grace the case is on Monday so I could see if I could get it put off to get legal representation.

[Emily.T]

Hi warlockmaker that's the unfortunate effects of being born with balls we always get screwed

[Emily.T]

From one Emily to another. Thank you so much for taking the time to research this for me it has some very good points and lots of great information that I will surly use.

Thanks again Emily

Emily.T xx

[Eva Marie]

I would lawyer up and prepare to fight dirty. Even if she has no intention of fighting dirty her lawyers will push her in that direction and she just might take their suggestion. You being a trans person probably have a rich past history for them to cherry pick from, so you need someone on your side to mount a defense.

As far as your presentation I would go with the presentation that matches your full time legal status. If you are not legally full time yet then you might as well plan on them using your part time activities against you in court.

I have seen so many people drug through, cleaned out, and stripped in the court system by their vindictive spouses..... nothing surprises me anymore about that experience, and often justice can be a matter of who has the best legal representation.

Good luck honey.

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

The problem is that judges are typically a lot older than the average person and very, very, conservative, plus -and this is a big one-  they don't have to *openly* hold it against you.

- Parent 1 says she should live with me because blah blah blah

- Parent 2, who is trans, says she should live with me because blah blah blah

- Judge thinks "Hmm I don't like gays, trans, black people (or whatever prejudices they have) but I can't openly say that. Hmmmm."

- Judge says "I agree with the Parent 1 but its nothing to do with the fact you are trans".

Problem is, if you have changed your name, unless you want to change it back, then you are going female. If you have not changed your name, go male. They *can't* hold that against you and it is safe. Safe and 1 afternoon long. The kids come first.

Good luck.

[Emily.T]

Thank you all for all of your kind and sincere responses it's good to know that I have ppl on my side all of your responses have been wonderful and very thoughtful and they are much appreciated.

Luv Emily.T