Quote from: sad panda on February 20, 2014, 02:48:59 AM
i have posted my pic here a million times and that's a million times too many.... how I look is totally irrelevent but it changed how people treat me when I really have a horrible personality and I know it.... I mean that happens everywhere in the world it's just kinda especially bad in the trans community. let's be honest, all people care about when it comes to a trans girl is looks. It boils down to sex and sexiness. Especially in the general public but even people in the trans community, even if they're nice to unpassable trans people they're a little extra nice to very passable trans people. if you don't pass as a trans girl the worldhates you and if you pass the world doesn't know just how much soul crushing ->-bleeped-<- you are struggling through and you have to try so hard to feel like a human being but you aren't one. girls aren't human beings, they are bodies, esp if they're pretty bodies. Bad enough as a cis girl but as an outwardly cis girl with a massive hole inside you have to desperately hide from everyone it is impossible and the worst part is that NOBODY understands. Not trans people, nobody. They understand trans lesbians, husbands, fathers, army vets, hot blooded american dudes, act or not... they understand maleness and male history and life experience. They understand women in the context of sex and the greatest sin here is uncannily resembling an actual woman. Cuz all you are anywhere is a (passable) body. whatever.
jamie... I hope you're ok... 
my post isn't personal to anyone.... actually it's personal to me. This is my personal experience and it is a mix of things and I just wanna scream it sometimes.
tbh I am feeling pretty bad right now too so i shouldn't be posting...
What the...
I had decided not to post anything unless I had transitioning questions, but...
Coming to the conclusion that I no longer desire women, losing my libido because of it, realizing it's because I feel like I am a woman, and then after months of denying it I decided to be a woman on the outside as well as in - is this all that's left for me. If the stars align, the tide is right and god is answering prayers that day... I end this process actually looking to the world like the woman I feel inside and that is waiting? What's the point? Not able to live as a man, this is what I have to look forward to by becoming a woman.
Thanks for the imagery, the gun is starting to look good again.
I resent your broad spectrum remarks on how the world and particularly the trans community look at, and treat women though. Child, man and now a woman I have never even thought, even in the darkest part of my mind, of a woman like that.
I can't be a man, if being a woman will only bring pain, then I am done.
For all of you who have been so kind, thank you. I think I may not come back to this site.
If I decide to get out of bed today, and still decide to go through the process of living, I will do it as a woman. It is becoming increasing clear, however, that I will have to do it on my own.
Good bye.
