First date as me, freaking out! UPDATED!!

[Jessica Merriman]

No need to freak out.  I found out just last year that being yourself is infinitely easier than expending unnecessary energy pretending to be a dudely dude.

Breathe. Relax.

You'll do just fine.

Thanks Jill. I just looked up breathing on Wiki. Did you know we have to do it to survive? Who would have thought. I am just really nervous about it. My first time on this side.

[stephaniec]

Thanks Jill. I just looked up breathing on Wiki. Did you know we have to do it to survive? Who would have thought. I am just really nervous about it. My first time on this side.

feel free to report on every thing that happens we won't say a word

[Jessica Merriman]

feel free to report on every thing that happens we won't say a word

OK, now I am worried. That is just what the KAT said.  *giggles*

[Kyra553]

OK, now I am worried. That is just what the KAT said.  *giggles*

Oh its none optional we want to know alllll the details . lol 

[Jane's Sweet Refrain]

What great news! I hope you'll accept a little more minxish advice from a woman who has been on dates with a number of men. I alway present my best self. I dress pretty, but not sexy (guys DON'T need that encouragement). And I always listen to The Pretenders "Brass in Pocket" before the date. And remember, that you always have brass in pocket. 

Be safe. Stay public. Life is a good thing for the living.

Jane

[Ms Grace]

Well this is great news indeed! To think just a few months ago you were saying you couldn't post a pic of yourself on the forum because you'd break the server, to going full time within a matter of says of trying RLE and now a date! You go girl!

It can be difficult to read guys and their real intentions. He may be a charmer and I hope he is a really nice guy but until you get a good sense of him I'd suggest playing it safe, keep it in public, drive yourself, don't get tipsy so you can stay in control of the situation, consider paying for your half of the meal (otherwise he might be considering "compensation"). Go slow, only let him get to first base...if that! As others have said, be yourself, but flirting might give him certain signals and ideas that you're putting out which can make some guys dangerous. I'd wait until you get a bit more dating experience before trying the flirting. I'm not trying to sound like a wet blanket, and I'm hardly one to talk about dating experience I just want you to have a great time and a safe time.

During the date, does the guy talk about himself? Too much, not enough? A big noter or avoiding anything about himself? Both should send alarm bells. Personally I'd avoid talking about your transition on a first date, difficult since it is such a major part of your life right now. If you want him to regard you as a woman then talking about transition is a sure fire way to upend that. I'm sure you have plenty to talk about regardless!

Most importantly...have fun!!! 

[Jessica Merriman]

Oh its none optional we want to know alllll the details . lol 

*giggle* I am starting to see a trend here!

Thanks Grace! I hadn't thought of your idea's yet. So lets see, no transition talk (or minimal if it comes up), don't get too uninhibited and walk softly and carry an expandable baton. Got you! *giggle* Thanks for the help. I needed this a lot as my brain seems to be on a little vacation right now.

[sally1990]

Good luck , have fun and be safe =)

[Olivia P]

Just be yourself and have fun. Whatever happens, the experience as a whole will be good for you.

Good luck

[Jessica Merriman]

Thanks everybody! The kind words and advice are helping a LOT. I am shifting towards "OMG what have I done" to more of a "Just be yourself and relax" mode. Sorry for the jitters I had earlier. You all mean the world to me! Cant promise I wont be nervous when he picks me up though.

[EllieM]

That's really exciting Jessica, I was having palpitations just reading that thread (somewhere in the darkness a voice shouted "CLEAR", there was a crackling sound and then the lights came on again) Whew!
I don't know if I have anthing to add, the other girls seem to have covered the bases. So, it was: be yourself, relax, breathe (we need a url for the wiki article), have fun, stay safe, stay public, dress cute, think like Crissie Hynde, don't over do the maquillage, don't under do the maquillage and last but HARDLY least...
details!

[Sephirah]

People like to talk about themselves.

Let him.

Ask questions. Find out what makes this person tick. That serves two purposes. You indulge his desire to impress you, and you don't have to divulge anything about yourself that you don't want to.

If you get to the time he went out on a stag party, bare ass naked with toilet tissue hanging from his nose and butt cheeks flapping in the wind, you know you're on to a winner.

Good luck, Jess. You deserve some happiness. *hugs*

[Jessica Merriman]

details!
[/font]

Everyone is saying that lately! *giggle* Just read USA Today on Sunday, jeesh! *MAJOR GIGGLES*

[Jessica Merriman]

Good luck, Jess. You deserve some happiness. *hugs*

Thanks baby! *huggles back*

[Eva Marie]

People like to talk about themselves.

Let him.

This ties into a point that I'd like to make.

In the dating scene women have the power.

YOU control the date dear. YOU have that power. Using the power in subtle ways to control or direct the date is a smart thing to do. If done correctly it leaves the guy wondering what went on and wanting more. Letting the guy talk is smart, and it gives you what you need to know.

Oh, and remember to have fun

[Jessica Merriman]

In the dating scene women have the power.

That could be both a little good and a whole lot bad in my case! *giggle* Thanks for the input sis.

[mandonlym]

Oh wow, I'm new but congrats! I am however a dating veteran so I offer the following words of advice:

1. Post possible outfit choices here. Really hard to talk about outfits in terms of separate pieces and without having a better sense of your body type.

2. Stereotypically, you have control until you sleep together because he's attracted to you and wants to get in your pants. Then it's unpredictable what happens. So women call the shots on the first date.

3. If you're attracted to him but don't want to sleep with him on the first date, you have to find artificial ways to have the optimal amount of physical contact. The classic thing is don't shave your legs and wear ugly underwear so your vanity takes over, have the date far away from both your places so you're not tempted to go back, and don't let him follow or drive you home.

4. If you *do* want to sleep with him then find a natural way to indicate you're interested. If you wear heels it becomes natural for you to take his arm for support. Pick a restaurant where the tables are small enough for your legs to touch. When they do, let the contact linger. Usually that's enough but if he's shy you can say something more suggestive as long as you do it flirtatiously. My classic method is to lower my chin, bat my eyelashes, and say something like "So what do you say we go back to my place?"

Ummmm, that's all I can think of right now. If you ask more specific questions I'd be happy for more opinions. Best of luck! So exciting! 

[Jessica Merriman]

Oh wow, I'm new but congrats! I am however a dating veteran so I offer the following words of advice:

1. Post possible outfit choices here. Really hard to talk about outfits in terms of separate pieces and without having a better sense of your body type.

2. Stereotypically, you have control until you sleep together because he's attracted to you and wants to get in your pants. Then it's unpredictable what happens. So women call the shots on the first date.

3. If you're attracted to him but don't want to sleep with him on the first date, you have to find artificial ways to have the optimal amount of physical contact. The classic thing is don't shave your legs and wear ugly underwear so your vanity takes over, have the date far away from both your places so you're not tempted to go back, and don't let him follow or drive you home.

4. If you *do* want to sleep with him then find a natural way to indicate you're interested. If you wear heels it becomes natural for you to take his arm for support. Pick a restaurant where the tables are small enough for your legs to touch. When they do, let the contact linger. Usually that's enough but if he's shy you can say something more suggestive as long as you do it flirtatiously. My classic method is to lower my chin, bat my eyelashes, and say something like "So what do you say we go back to my place?"

Ummmm, that's all I can think of right now. If you ask more specific questions I'd be happy for more opinions. Best of luck! So exciting! 

Thanks Mandonlym!
1. Wardrobe chosen. Not too desperate, but not to disinterested. Took me forever to get the right balance.
2. Loving this part, a lot! Going to want him calling again.
3. Optimal contact, of course. Poor guy!
4. Never on the first date no matter how much begging.
5. Paramedic crew on standby if I hyper ventilate when he shows up. *giggle*
Freak out scale of 1-10, about a 6 right now.

[mandonlym]

1. Wardrobe chosen. Not too desperate, but not to disinterested. Took me forever to get the right balance.

You've already chosen your outfit and there's still light out? You're doing better than 99% of cis-women!

Ahhhh!!! So exciting!!! I remember my first date from a zillion years ago. It was with one of my closest friends. I even have pictures.

But also remember that this will be the first of many so don't put too much pressure on yourself!

[Jessica Merriman]

You've already chosen your outfit and there's still light out? You're doing better than 99% of cis-women!

I sure hope he thinks so! *giggles*

Still trying to find a good balanced look for the makeup though! Not too little and definitely not overkill.