Hi all

[Colleen♡Callie]

I've found this site a few times via looking up info on transitioning through Google, most of which has been very recently, and have found the info on here very helpful and thought I could be benefit from the accumulated wisdom and advice as an actual member.  And maybe even contribute my own as I move further along my journey.

My name is Colleen, but I'll also answer to Callie as a nickname.  Colleen is the third name I've used for myself, and the final one.  It is, I finally learned, the name I would have had if I had been born a girl, and felt right the instant I was told. I recently came out to most of my friends and a some of my family.  I'll gradually come out to the rest soon enough.  There's a bit of a long story behind what spurred my coming out, but thankfully the response has been very positive, supportive and accepting.

It also prompted me to do some self examination, and face the fact that I've been at point I can't keep up living as my assigned gender any longer for a while now.  A fact I realize I had been ignoring, despite the mental toll it was taking.  I also realized I was well past ready to transition and already had my first therapy appointment. 

Well kinda, she's not well versed on the aspects of transitioning, but has helped me set up an appointment with the psychiatrist that does work with that.  I'll keep going to the psychologist as well though.

I never felt right in my body, but didn't quite realize I was a girl until around 10, old enough to hide it in fear of how others would react.  I thought it was something I could just power through the rest of my life, and tried to.  Spent most of my life praying and wishing for a miracle that would correct the error and I'd just wake up in the right body one day.  I guess I finally stopped believing in miracles.  I used art and storytelling as a way to deal and give myself an outlet.  Both art and writing are still important parts of my life, even if I don't get to or have the energy to keep up with all the time anymore. 

I guess that's it for now.  If there's anything else you'd like to know feel free to ask. 

[Jessica Merriman]

A big warm welcome to the family Colleen! You nailed it when you said you could not live as your "assigned" gender so don't feel the least bit guilty or shameful for wanting to live as your "true" gender. Feel free to rant, vent, share good news, learn and just have some fun while here. If you ever need a shoulder to cry on we have tons of them here. This is a safe place to find yourself and what you want thanks to our great moderators. They are Pit Bulls to those who would try to hurt us and warm cream filled, gooey teddy bears to us. It will not take long at all for you to develop friendships that will last a long time here. Here is a BIG HUG ( ) to welcome you and start you on your way! When you get 15 post's feel free to PM me anytime with anything you need.

[Colleen♡Callie]

Thank you Jessica.  Big hugs back.  All of that sounds heavenly, and exactly what I'm looking for.  Right now I'm a bit of a mess, being pulled every which way emotionally.  Still coming down from the stress and anxiety of coming out, while experiencing the emotional roller coaster that comes with making huge life altering decisions.  Most of all it's the uncertainty and the waiting right now.  I used to think I could just power through and keep on holding up that front, and as such never really looked into transitioning as an option before.  All of this is new and scary to me, and has been very overwhelming and leaving me feeling lost. 

This forum and TSroadmap have been some amazing lighthouses to help me begin moving in the right direction as well as giving valuable information to have on hand when I came out to my mom, which allowed me to have answers for her questions. Everyone on here has already been a huge, huge help.  I have no doubt this forum will be a wonderful haven and home for me.  I look forward to sharing my journey with you all and making friends here.

[Jessica Merriman]

This family literally saved my life. The caring, compassion, acceptance and understanding I found stopped me from pulling a trigger. Now I am Full Time in presentation and have found a whole new world full of possibilities and amazement. I feel and act a full 180 from where I was at. Life really has meaning now since I found out I was not alone in all of this. I hope it does the same for you. 

[Colleen♡Callie]

I'm glad this place helped you and gave you the strength and support to hold on so you could reach the point you're at.  Living as yourself fully.  It's never easy to be at that point where you don't feel you can go on another day, especially when dealing with that alone.  I've been there myself back in high school and it's been a long journey to heal those wounds.  I'm not quite there at the moment, but I'd be lying if I said I haven't noticed a bit of a backslide to those thoughts that makes me thing if this year had started off differently and things continued on how they were, I would probably have been back there within a few years.  That scares me more than anything else really.

I can't really express how much even this forum has already helped even just this night.  The last two days especially.  Seems almost everywhere I looked online has had something bringing out the bigots and transphobes, and I still haven't developed my thick skin against it yet.  Just signing up here and chatting with you has done wonders to calm me down.  So thank you.

I'm lucky to have supportive and accepting friends and family, but there are things I'm not sure they can fully relate to.  Just speaking to someone else who has been here before is an understated blessing.

[Cindy]

Hi Colleen

and welcome to Susans! We have people come to visit us from all over the world, expressing different points of view, and you are likely to find someone to help you along your way Here are some important links and things to ponder as you begin your journey here.

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar/post links and photos)
  
• Age and the Forum
  
• Reputation rules
  

Nice to see you here

Cindy

[Colleen♡Callie]

Thank you Cindy.  I was looking for those.

[Jamie D]

Very pleased to meet you Colleen 

I am in a somewhat rural part of southern California.  So to see a proper gender therapist, I would have to drive into Los Angeles - something I try to avoid if at all possible.  But I found a engaging young gal who had experience with LGB issues, and that was a start on the road to self discovery.

I think you will find though, interacting with the members here will be invaluable.

[Colleen♡Callie]

Thank you JdlR,

So Cal as well, so I'm with you there, for most things related to being Trans I will have to drive to LA as well.  I have Kaiser insurance at the moment, so I'm stuck using their counselors and psychiatrists, and can't actually go to a gender therapist without paying out of pocket for it.  Though, it seems Kaiser has stepped up on the whole Transgender issues coverage.  All the counselors at my nearby Kaiser building have handled transgender issues before, with regards to talking things through and helping with the mental stuff.  They just finished training two of their therapists in the procedures and processes of transitioning, so, I'm a bit fortunate in that I don't have to go far for the psychiatry and medical aspects.

This site and its members have been a blessing already.  Today I woke up feeling very content and good for the first time this year, and that I think has a lot to do with this site and the wonderful and supportive people here. 

Good luck with your journey.  Once I get further in my journey we should totally compare notes on resources and such we've found around LA.

[Jamie D]

We have a good group of southern Californians on the site - but as it is a large area, we are spread out all over the place.  I happen to be in Ventura County, about midway between L.A. and Santa Barbara.

My drive would take me either to Westwood or Santa Monica for gender therapy.  Jennygirl swears by here endo in the South Bay (Dr. O'Dea).

And several of our members have had great FFS results with the surgeon in LA/Beverly Hills/Malibu

[Colleen♡Callie]

I'm in LA County, near Magic Mountain. 

I've actually been trying to research FFS surgeons in the area.  Find a number that do it, but not much luck in finding personal accounts of their work.  Figured I'd ask here eventually, when I'm closer to financially being able to pay for it.  Which maybe be years down the line.

[gennee]

Hi Colleen and welcome to Susan's. I'm happy that you have decided to proceed forward in your transition. This is a wonderful site with some great people.

[Dalex]

I know this is a few days late, but! Welcome to Susan's!

*Tosses some confetti and chocolate over you and gives you a welcoming puppy*

You will find all sorts of colorful people here on Susan's, and I hope you have enjoyed the few days here as much as I have since I joined this forum I came here, and two days after I joined the forum a few people here gave me the strength to come out to my sister. In just two days. Five days later I was out to a few friends, all of my sisters and my dad. Today I have told my brother as well and gone to a local trans meeting. This forum helped me take those steps

[Colleen♡Callie]

Thank you gennee and Dalex!

I've had nothing but the most positive experience here these last few days.  The site and community truly lives up to everything everyone says about it.

I can definitely see how this site could be amazingly helpful in coming out.  I came out to nearly everyone that are key in my life in January, while I was figuring out where I stood on transitioning.  It was an extremely stressful and anxiety filled month, and had I been here, I most likely would have relied on the support of this site immensely for it as well.

I still need to come out to my sister.  What has blocked that so far is I want to do it person, but she's been very busy this year (just got married and trying to their first house as a married couple) and I haven't seen her except twice.   Her birthday which I didn't feel was an appropriate time to spring it on her, especially since it was supposed to be about her, and for five minutes a few days later when she was stressed out about other things she needed to take care.  Hopefully soon though.

Chocolate and a welcoming puppy?  You know me suspiciously well, Dalex.  Suspiciously well...

[Dalex]

Hmm, I can see why it has taken a bit to get a hold of your sister, and I can totally understand not coming out to her on her birthday. Have you thought about giving her a call and just try to plan a meeting a few times before hand? Meeting at her place or yours for maybe coffee? It will give both of you the chance to work around her scheduled a bit easier I found calling my dad and planning the meeting a head helped a little. Gave me time to prep a bit as well, and because we both were a bit busy and he lives in a small town about an hour and a half drive from where I live.

I did not go through your trash last night or take a peak through your window! Errr.... I mean, everyone likes puppies and chocolate....>.>

[Jamie D]

I'm in LA County, near Magic Mountain. 

I've actually been trying to research FFS surgeons in the area.  Find a number that do it, but not much luck in finding personal accounts of their work.  Figured I'd ask here eventually, when I'm closer to financially being able to pay for it.  Which maybe be years down the line.

Well, who knows how the laws in the state might change with regard to FFS and medical necessity?

You might want to check out this topic about Dr. Mayer:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,154192.0.html

Jamie

[Colleen♡Callie]

Well, who knows how the laws in the state might change with regard to FFS and medical necessity?

You might want to check out this topic about Dr. Mayer:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,154192.0.html

Jamie

Yep, I know there's some push to get FFS taken off cosmetic and listed as necessary with SRS, and we do have strong cases for it to be so, since it can be even more vital in day to day life in being able to live and be accepted as our true selves in regular society.  Here's hoping, but until then I have to keep the mindset that it'll be out of pocket.

Thank you Jamie for the link.  Dr. Meyer's was one of the sites I came across while looking and was really wanting to look into actual cases of their work!