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Venting my feelings...

Started by Skyler (^~^), February 23, 2014, 11:21:24 PM

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Skyler (^~^)

February 23, 2014, 11:21:24 PM
Hey everyone, it's skyler (:
I've been feeling kind of down right now and none of my friends are are responding (meaning 1 person won't) so I guess I'll vent here! Sorry if this is The wrong place for this, ill move it if is have to.
Sofor started I'm mtf "in the bathroom" as i call it. My best friend who knows about me hasn't been talking much to me, but she has a life unlike myself so I understand. What did bother me was yesterday I felt suicidal so I texted her, and she barely said anything. I cut the same day and she asked me to show her so I did but she hasn't responded in 24 hours. It worries me because I feel like I'm losing her, and i know if I did i would go mental.
Second vent, I have been feeling worse about living as the wrong gender. As stated above it almost got too much for me and being alone doesn't help. Puberty is giving me stuff I don't want and I don't feel like ever using my voice because it's too deep. It also doesn't help that my friends are all girls and are always talking about girl stuff around me and it makes me want to cry but I can't for some reason.
Lastly for now, I've been worried about how my fam and friends will react when i tell them. My dad will probably hate me but I currently live with him. My bro sis and mom might be ok but you never know. I guess my only friend that knows is okay with it and the other people I consider friends are not ready to know. Still not ready for the hate I will get so not doing it for a while.
That's all for now
Sky
We do have a lot in common. The same Earth, the same air, the same sky. Maybe if we started looking at what's the same instead of always looking at what's different, .... Well, who knows? -Meowth
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FilaFord

#1
February 23, 2014, 11:26:12 PM
The way I see it is you have two choices.  Tell them or repress it.  Sounds like you aren't going to be able to do the latter, and why the hell would you want to anyways?  I repressed it for 29 years, and am now just figuring out who I am.  Definitely should have told my parents when I was younger, but it was easier to lie to myself.  Don't make my mistake! 

Just open up to your mom or dad first, whichever one you feel will understand you more.  If your parents love you, then they will not want to see you suffer.

Stop cutting yourself, though.  You don't want to damage that skin, girl!

I've been "in the bathroom" before when I was younger than you, I imagine.  I just left it there for it to find me 20 years later! 
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Jessica Merriman

#2
February 23, 2014, 11:31:34 PM
Hi Skyler! Please don't hurt yourself. If you can see if they will take you to a Therapist. You can tell them it is for depression and then tell the Therapist the truth. If it is found you have Gender Dysphoria your parent might take it a little better coming from a medical professional. There are things that can help you and get these feelings under control, I  promise. Repressing it will only increase the feelings you have. We have all had to face the fear of telling someone and it is the first step in transition. Most people I thought I would lose totally surprised me with acceptance. Don't pre judge how someone will react. :)
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Skyler (^~^)

#3
February 23, 2014, 11:34:54 PM
Honestly telling either one of them wouldn't help because I'd need both of them to okay hrt and my dad is homophobic (im lesbian) and I'm pretty sure he's transphobic too.
My skin is already damaged due to my xy problem so what's a little more?
We do have a lot in common. The same Earth, the same air, the same sky. Maybe if we started looking at what's the same instead of always looking at what's different, .... Well, who knows? -Meowth
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Skyler (^~^)

#4
February 23, 2014, 11:39:19 PM
Problem is I've already refused one therapist and the one I had to go to for court stuff I lied to
We do have a lot in common. The same Earth, the same air, the same sky. Maybe if we started looking at what's the same instead of always looking at what's different, .... Well, who knows? -Meowth
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FilaFord

#5
February 23, 2014, 11:39:51 PM

Quote from: Skyler (^~^) on February 23, 2014, 11:34:54 PM
Honestly telling either one of them wouldn't help because I'd need both of them to okay hrt and my dad is homophobic (im lesbian) and I'm pretty sure he's transphobic too.
My skin is already damaged due to my xy problem so what's a little more?

I think most people's dad's are homophobic until someone they love tells them they are gay. 

I shouldn't even comment about this because I'm almost 30 and am scared to death to tell my dad and my brother - both are notorious for homophobic and racist remarks around the dinner table.  After all the brainstorming though, I think we will overcome it.  As a family we have overcome everything else that has been thrown our way, but it's going to be a shocking moment whenever I actually do tell them.  Right now only my wife and one of our mutual friends knows about my transition as I have just begun HRT.  Now I have to begin telling people!

It's going to be terrifying.  Maybe it will scare a higher voice into me.
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Skyler (^~^)

#6
February 23, 2014, 11:46:22 PM
My dad says he isn't but my sister found out her friends is and he freaked out kinda. It's sad. I do need both parents consent for hrt right?
We do have a lot in common. The same Earth, the same air, the same sky. Maybe if we started looking at what's the same instead of always looking at what's different, .... Well, who knows? -Meowth
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FilaFord

#7
February 23, 2014, 11:51:39 PM
Quote from: Skyler (^~^) on February 23, 2014, 11:46:22 PM
My dad says he isn't but my sister found out her friends is and he freaked out kinda. It's sad. I do need both parents consent for hrt right?

Everyone freaks out.  Gender dyphoria doesn't make a lot of sense to people who have never questioned their gender.

Do you and your dad have a good relationship?  If your parents love you, then they probably know you are hurting right now and they just don't know why.  I think that telling them will better solve your problems than by cutting yourself. 

As far as consent goes, I will just tell you to Google for more information on that.  The proper answer would be "you need to discuss HRT with a therapist" for this forum though.
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Skyler (^~^)

#8
February 23, 2014, 11:56:54 PM
My dad thinks the whole world is out to get him, but were on good terms. See them noticing is the problem. No one has and that makes me fell like I'm even more alone.
We do have a lot in common. The same Earth, the same air, the same sky. Maybe if we started looking at what's the same instead of always looking at what's different, .... Well, who knows? -Meowth
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FilaFord

#9
February 24, 2014, 12:10:35 AM
Well from someone who lost a brother to suicide, I can definitely say that sometimes those closest to us need a smack in the face.  None of us saw it coming, but looking back it seems like there were signs we missed.   As families, we tend to get busy with our own lives at times and get sucked into believing our daily routine is flawless and everything is peachy keen when something is actually wrong.

If you are just now going through puberty, you need to get your little butt up to a therapist sooner rather than later. 
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Skyler (^~^)

#10
February 24, 2014, 12:18:33 AM
I swear "Susan's" is the only place I'm happy. It feels like family and it's the only place to get answers plus support. I'll have to wait till AIt's going to be terrifying.  Maybe it will scare a higher voice into me.fter my parents divorce To go to therapy
We do have a lot in common. The same Earth, the same air, the same sky. Maybe if we started looking at what's the same instead of always looking at what's different, .... Well, who knows? -Meowth
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Jamie D

#11
February 24, 2014, 12:26:07 AM
This should brighten your day Skyler.  If you dye your hair purple, you can use this as your avatar ...



What do you think?  ;)
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Skyler (^~^)

#12
February 24, 2014, 12:32:34 AM
Haha I love cats (: thanks
That brings up another vent. My dad's girlfriend is EXTREMELY CONTROLLING. I can't grow my hair out, I always have to wear matching clothes, etc. so If I asked to dye my hair id probably be grounded. I can't even hang up a single harry potter calendar in my because it's "too demonic"

(Sorry if my posts are short my brain can't handle writing big stuff right now)
We do have a lot in common. The same Earth, the same air, the same sky. Maybe if we started looking at what's the same instead of always looking at what's different, .... Well, who knows? -Meowth
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ath

#13
February 24, 2014, 01:06:38 AM
Quote from: Skyler (^~^) on February 24, 2014, 12:32:34 AM
Haha I love cats (: thanks
That brings up another vent. My dad's girlfriend is EXTREMELY CONTROLLING. I can't grow my hair out, I always have to wear matching clothes, etc. so If I asked to dye my hair id probably be grounded. I can't even hang up a single harry potter calendar in my because it's "too demonic"

(Sorry if my posts are short my brain can't handle writing big stuff right now)

You should probably get out of there the nanosecond you turn 18. Moving away from home is extremely liberating - it was something I really needed and I didn't even have controlling/overbearing parents compared to most people.

They're treating you like you're a little kid, rather than a young adult.

Also the whole 'Harry Potter being demonic' thing is totally ludicrous.
"When I think of all the worries people seem to find
And how they're in a hurry to complicate their mind
By chasing after money and dreams that can't come true
I'm glad that we are different, we've better things to do
May others plan their future, I'm busy lovin' you "
-The Grass Roots
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Skyler (^~^)

#14
February 24, 2014, 08:29:20 AM
Definitely getting out as soon as I can. The school I'm going to is just as strict as my dad's girlfriend. They don't allow boys to even have hair past there ears, let alone an unnatural color. Maybe I could "stealth transition but that would be hard as the years go by. My distant family is extremely old fashioned so I don't know how they'd react
And about the Harry potter thing: I know! I've learned more life lessons from the books than from any person I know (except maybe my mom)
We do have a lot in common. The same Earth, the same air, the same sky. Maybe if we started looking at what's the same instead of always looking at what's different, .... Well, who knows? -Meowth
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stephaniec

#15
February 24, 2014, 09:56:33 AM
well, when your as young as you seem to be it's a real pickle I think your best move would be a counselor of some sort for back up and sounding board
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Skyler (^~^)

#16
February 24, 2014, 06:55:22 PM
I'll ask soon about a therapist. What was the first change you started to see when you started hrt?
We do have a lot in common. The same Earth, the same air, the same sky. Maybe if we started looking at what's the same instead of always looking at what's different, .... Well, who knows? -Meowth
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