Endocrinologist implied I should work on my voice

[ZeldaHeart]

So I saw a new endocrinologist today and he seemed nice, but then was asking if I'm happy with my transition and I said yes, and that I'm engaged and stuff!  Then he was talking about if I have the effects of testosterone (like morning erections, etc etc) and I said no.  Then he said something to do with hormones and voice and he said "Obviously, your voice...you're not happy with it, right?"  I replied "No, I'm happy with it."  That question really upset me, though.  Sort of came out of left field, and implied my voice doesn't sound female.  Though, I've been going out as myself (full time) for almost 3 years and had 3 jobs and not once has anyone ever said a thing about it!  Anyone else think this was rude of him?  🙁

[Jill F]

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot moment here.   Umm, that's not his department, and he should know about not triggering dysphoria in trans* patients.  It's not like he could prescribe something that helps the voice.  Kind of sad that he even went there.

[Adam (birkin)]

That wasn't very nice, no. I had a nurse make a similar comment once. I had been on T for over a year, but I was having the nurse inject it for me for the first time. She goes "so are you excited to be starting hormones?" Then, despite my legal name being a male-only name goes "so do you have a preferred name?"

I think they mean well...they're trying to be supportive and make small talk and whatever. But it's hurtful.

[FilaFord]

Definitely unprofessional on his part! 

[ZeldaHeart]

Thank you for your responses.  While I agree the vast majority of people are well-meaning and such, sometimes I doubt their intentions.  And that really must have ouch'd, Birkin.  Sorry you dealt with the hurt!

[suzifrommd]

You only need to please yourself.

That being said, if you ARE chasing voice passability, it's really hard to get unbiased feedback. It may be he knew that and figured he was doing you a favor.

If that's the case, though, he needs to be more gentle. Anyone who spends a lot of time with us knows that hearing that we need passability work can be devastating.

[JennX]

In addition to what everyone else said above... estrogen (in any form) has zero effect on your voice changing. Find another more qualified endo. This quack has no clue. Testosterone has shown some deepening effect for FTMs (small percentage)... but it's not the same for MTFs.

[Just Shelly]

Are you sure he didn't think you were an FTM LOL!!

My first thought is that he's a jerk!

My second thought is that because you look very naturally cis he may assume that any voice not ultra feminine may not fit you as well or that maybe you wouldn't be as happy without the same. ?

[Michelle123]

I don't know if it is the case here, but a lot of the "Pick'up Artist" stuff teaches men to find fault in women in order to throw them off and make them more available.

Either way, it was a very rude thing to say.

[kelly_aus]

My gyno and I have talked about my voice and other things many times.. But she's also a trans woman, so she does have some useful insight..

[RainbowGuacamole]

I feel like it was exceptionally rude for him to immediately assume that you were unhappy with your voice.vi tend to be a bit snarky, so I'd have probably thrown a "Why, should I be?" at him.

[ZeldaHeart]

 Lol at the pickup artist negging!  Being self assured and snarky would have been the best way to approach the situation!  I was just taken aback.  Thanks for the reassurances that this was out of the ordinary rude!

[Marina mtf]

  I would take every comment from the outside as a gift.

There is another thread which basically says: "Do not try to assume what's it in the other's mind".

He did not say something really bad, maybe for HIS ears your voice is not so ultrafeminine and so
he meant something like: "You are very feminine already visually, if you just could work on your voice
more you will be indistinguishable from a cis"

[Tori]

We do not give offense, we take offense.

If y'all were offended by the endo's comment, it was not the endo who offended y 'all.

We can only offend ourselves.

The endo could have introduced the subject differently, and perhaps that would have been met with a more positive reaction.

The endo could have not said anything at all.

The endo could have...

The endo didn't.

I do not see any ill intent in what the endo said. You do not have to like what the endo said. We choose to take offense. That is our right.

But if we as a group of trans folk take offense at every single opportunity, that gives others extra opportunities to take their own offense.

Sorry, in hindsight, this was a bit of a soap box rant, rather than directed at any single person.

(Steps off soap box)
Tori

[Tori]

I am leaving my previous comment up because I feel it was a point worth sharing.

That said, sorry Zelda. I did not intend to make your issue sound trite. I understand and empathize, even though I did not state it above. It is often shocking when people point things out to you as flaws when you see nothing wrong.

[Ruthven]

In addition to what everyone else said above... estrogen (in any form) has zero effect on your voice changing. Find another more qualified endo. This quack has no clue. Testosterone has shown some deepening effect for FTMs (small percentage)... but it's not the same for MTFs.

I don't think this is really all that accurate. It seems a lot of trans guys with enough time on T have significant voice changing.

[Jamie D]

So I saw a new endocrinologist today and he seemed nice, but then was asking if I'm happy with my transition and I said yes, and that I'm engaged and stuff!  Then he was talking about if I have the effects of testosterone (like morning erections, etc etc) and I said no.  Then he said something to do with hormones and voice and he said "Obviously, your voice...you're not happy with it, right?"  I replied "No, I'm happy with it."  That question really upset me, though.  Sort of came out of left field, and implied my voice doesn't sound female.  Though, I've been going out as myself (full time) for almost 3 years and had 3 jobs and not once has anyone ever said a thing about it!  Anyone else think this was rude of him? 

We have a stickied voice topic on the voiced therapy board.  Give it a try.

It may be that your voice is a "tell" to a discerning ear.  Rude or not, the endo might have done you a favor.

[ZeldaHeart]

Tori, you are right that it is we who offend ourselves!  It made no sense to me, because my voice is passable, I'd say even to a discerning ear.  It's not beautiful or lilting or anything!  I transitioned at 17, and it took a lot of effort and some hard work, but I trained my voice to sound unmistakably female.  JdlR, the voice therapy board is useful!  So, thank you for recommending it and stuff.

Though, if he did truly think it sounded off or male, it's certainly not wrong for him to have that opinion.  It just wasn't his place
to say it. 

[MariaMx]

One of the more frustrating aspects of transition was having to deal with all the "helpful" armchair coaches of the cis population. They're like a force of nature. Eventually they go away.

[Tori]

Tori, you are right that it is we who offend ourselves!  It made no sense to me, because my voice is passable, I'd say even to a discerning ear.  It's not beautiful or lilting or anything!  I transitioned at 17, and it took a lot of effort and some hard work, but I trained my voice to sound unmistakably female.  JdlR, the voice therapy board is useful!  So, thank you for recommending it and stuff.

Though, if he did truly think it sounded off or male, it's certainly not wrong for him to have that opinion.  It just wasn't his place
to say it.

I agree Z, he does not get money from you to be a voice reviewer.

Yet, notice how it is SO easy to see masculine traits when we look at pics in this forum? Well, we know a dirty little secret before we see the pic. Your endo knew one before he heard your voice.