"Strap-On" Dysphoria

[Kreuzfidel]

So I've been struggling with this for a while - I honestly don't know what to do about it or how to get past it outside of shelling out for a ReelMagik prosthetic.

I've found that my playing "strap-on", while more realistic than some, is actually worsening my dysphoria in the bedroom rather than helping it. 

Back when I first got with my wife, we used two pretty unrealistic playing cocks that at the time were wonderful considering they were better than having nothing "down there" at all for me. 

But the more I transition physically, the worse not having the appropriate "gear" down there gets.  Whenever we have sex, I struggle to get off because the second I look down and see this ugly, too-pink, unrealistic cock poking out of a bulky, black harness just ruins it for me.  On top of that, every strap-on cock I buy has this horrid "plastic" smell to it - this latest one just permeates the entire room.

So does this happen to anyone else?

I've just received my skin samples for the ReelMagik - I think it's the only way to go honestly.  I want to see if its realism plus being able to adhere it to my body will help.  I just want to be able to enjoy sex with my wife again instead of actively avoiding it.

[Ayden]

I've found the same thing happening to me. I am 2.5 years into transition and I have gotten past pretty much all of the "beginning transition" problems. But this one just stumps me. At first I was happy to use my strap on even if it is a horrid purple. But about six months ago I started hating it. It's better than having nothing at all, but I have found that I would rather just be on the receiving end than have to look at that ugly purple dong.  The problem isn't so much that I don't enjoy being "bottom" and my husband is great. It's just that at times it can be a little dysphoric considering on my rare bad days it reminds me that I'm not full on physically male. I've thought about shelling out the money for the reel magik but it's so expensive and I would hate to get it and find that it worsens my feelings. I've started just going all natural but even that can be... Unpleasant.

I wish I had some advice to give man. It's hard when you want to be intimate with your spouse but that it can be a horrible feeling. It's supposed to be a great thing, ya know? If you do get the reelmagik let us know how it goes. I'd be more than happy to pay for a quality product that improves my life. And they certainly look good.

[Sebryn]

I think there is a harness out there that looks like underwear. Rodeo I think. That might help with the harness issue but besides reviews I've read I really can't say much about it since I don't own one.

I also hear you about the smell...At times I wonder if it'd be worth hanging them out on the clothesline outside to air out. Can you imagine the neighbors' reactions? 

[Ayden]

I have to hang all my clothes to dry... I may have to try this. Japan is surprisingly squeamish about that sort of thing xDD

[Bimmer Guy]

So I've been struggling with this for a while - I honestly don't know what to do about it or how to get past it outside of shelling out for a ReelMagik prosthetic.

I've found that my playing "strap-on", while more realistic than some, is actually worsening my dysphoria in the bedroom rather than helping it. 

Back when I first got with my wife, we used two pretty unrealistic playing cocks that at the time were wonderful considering they were better than having nothing "down there" at all for me. 

But the more I transition physically, the worse not having the appropriate "gear" down there gets.  Whenever we have sex, I struggle to get off because the second I look down and see this ugly, too-pink, unrealistic cock poking out of a bulky, black harness just ruins it for me.  On top of that, every strap-on cock I buy has this horrid "plastic" smell to it - this latest one just permeates the entire room.

So does this happen to anyone else?

I've just received my skin samples for the ReelMagik - I think it's the only way to go honestly.  I want to see if its realism plus being able to adhere it to my body will help.  I just want to be able to enjoy sex with my wife again instead of actively avoiding it.

I know exactly what you are talking about here, Kreuzfidel.  I have struggled with this for a couple of years now (and subsequently, my GF has, as well).  I can't imagine going through what appears to be a long process of adhering a dick for a hour of sex, though.  I read somewhere you apply it and then have to wait an hour?  Plus, I just don't want to shave that area.  I don't know the answer, for me.

In terms of the plastic smell you talk about, are you buying quality, silicone cocks, such as vix skin?  http://www.vixencreations.com/vixskin.php

I can never "smell" my silicone toys.  Maybe I have a poor sense of smell?

I'm sorry you are dealing with this too.  It sucks.

[Kreuzfidel]

Thanks for the responses, guys.  It's good to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.

lol  I had to laugh at the dick hanging out on the clothesline, Sebryn 

I've looked at the rodeo and even tried using actual underwear as a harness, but it still has an effect because I think that what is really bothering me is that I can't be naked during sex - it's always either a harness or underwear or both.

@ Brett - yeah it sounds like a pain going through the process of adhering it - but I'm prepared to do it just because I want to try anything at this point.  You can wear it like a packer, too - it's just probably bulky, but I wear baggy pants at work anyway so hopefully it wouldn't be noticeable.  I'll just have to wait and see. 

I guess I like the idea of: a) it adheres to my body and means I can be naked an look down and see what appears to be a real cock, b) it looks and feels close as you can get to the real thing and c) it can be "bent" to an erect state, which means our sex doesn't have to be timed or planned or awkwardly interrupted so that I can "gear up".

Anyway, yeah - I suppose I'm just looking at my options.  I don't know when I'll get the money to have bottom surgery at this stage because we're prioritising a house and kids (she's already nearly 30).  Maybe the RM will at least be something I can live with until we do have the money.

**Oh I forgot to add about the Vix skin cocks - no, I've not tried them - but the don't look very realistic which is what's bugging me about the ones I currently have.  The worst, as far as smell, is the one I have from Doc Johnson.  I do not recommend them as the smell is honestly just overpowering and hasn't faded in 2 years.  I've washed it, let it air, nothing helps it. 

[Ayden]

I have a Vix skin one. Or had, rather. It was pretty unwieldy and I imagine the size would hurt some ladies. There was no way I could use it for sex with the husband. I never noticed a smell from it but I would advise if you live in a very moist place or somewhere prone to mold growth that you are really diligent about cleaning those suckers. Mine got tossed because after a week of not looking at it was... I was not comfortable with trying to salvage it

I had a Doc Johnson too, and I had the same experience. The smell was just awful.

[overdrive]

I'm in the same boat as you. I have horrible bottom dysphoria and its almost worse with a strap-on because it doesn't look real enough it just reminds me its not part of me. I feel I'm getting a lot closer though. I recently bought a Like Real prosthetic, they were on sale 50%+ off (some still are), which is why I decided to give them a try despite the lack of reviews and I'm glad I did. I'm still playing around with adhesive or harnesses because I'm stealth and like to be remain stealth. The model I got, so far I completely love as it has 3D balls and the best part that seems to be missing in all the other prosthetics is that its not only 3-in-1 but theres no flex rod. I love that part of this, because I can make it act more like a real penis by bending in any direction as far as I want like a biological flacid and its hard enough for penetration and of course the STP function is awesome. (I'm actually making a homemade flex rod with STP functionality just to give it a try but if I lose the ability to tuck around in my pants enough I'll probably just go back to normal STP. Should know in a week or so when the parts arrive). It looks great too though I can't speak for durability. I bought a model that they said doesnt stay with adhesive but its the one that I wanted so I continue to play around with that part (just ordered LolaJake tape kit I'm going to try with it next).

If I can't get the adhesive to work (using Factor2 as Like Real suggested "may" work), then I'm next going to try the AllInOne Sport harness from Tranzwear under my normal underwear and with adhesvie.
http://www.tranzwear.net/store.php?seller=TranZwear&navt1=86443&navt2=86452&pd=7551972


I'm personally not a fan of most Rodeoh underwear as the hole in the front looks unnatural to me. But if I may give their TruHks a try. I talked to a guy that uses thoughs and says they stay in place firm enough for penetration, though you really need to be careful and measure yourself so they do fit snug enough.
http://www.ftmessentials.com/products/rodeoh-truhk

[Calder Smith]

I haven't used a strap on yet, as I'm single currently but I think I would have some dysphoria as well. Like you, I'd look down and see my dick isn't real. Or I'd be worried my partner wouldn't be satisfied with a fake penis.

[FlightyBrood]

dont really know if it will help any, since i know next to nothing about the company, but have you heard of 100 prosthetics? they have very realistic looking things that bend and such, and they are much less expensive than reelmagik.

on the strap on matter, might you be able to rig something up with clear straps? i know the strappy i have came with a rubber ring that you shove the shaft though. It connects to the straps with some metal snaps, so id think with something like that it wouldnt be too difficult to rig up something with clear straps.

[Kreuzfidel]

Thanks for the suggestions, guys.

I'll have a look at 100 prosthetics, I've never heard of them.  I did like the look of the one model in Like Real - so I'll weigh all the options before I make a decision on the RM.

@Flighty - thanks for the advice about the clear straps.  I honestly never would have thought of that at all!

[Bimmer Guy]

Kreuzfidel,
I keep going back to this idea of their being a smell to the cock (or whatever you prefer to call it), you have been using.  The Doc Johnson.  Is it silicone?  I just have never known of a silicone cock/dildo to have a smell to it.

The think about the Vix skin in comparison to most silicone cocks is that it has a hard core with the outside silicone being a bit smushier (that is probably not a word),  and will move back and forth a bit.  My GF (s) have said they are the most realistic feeling of the silicone dildos.

For what it is worth, if you don't want to spend more than around $100 until you save enough for a RM.

[Kreuzfidel]

Kreuzfidel,
I keep going back to this idea of their being a smell to the cock (or whatever you prefer to call it), you have been using.  The Doc Johnson.  Is it silicone?  I just have never known of a silicone cock/dildo to have a smell to it.

The think about the Vix skin in comparison to most silicone cocks is that it has a hard core with the outside silicone being a bit smushier (that is probably not a word),  and will move back and forth a bit.  My GF (s) have said they are the most realistic feeling of the silicone dildos.

For what it is worth, if you don't want to spend more than around $100 until you save enough for a RM.

Thanks, Brett.  Yeah I use the word "smushy", too so at least I'm not the only one! lol

This is the Doc Johnson I have:

http://www.docjohnson.com/dongs-dildos/realistic/ur3cock6.html

It doesn't specifically say what it's made of - other than "SiliGel" which I've never heard of.  It's a shame, too, because it's one of the better-looking sex toy cocks out there that's not an actual prosthetic.

I'll look at the Vix Skin products, though.  I don't mind spending the money on a RM, but I guess I'd just really hate to spend $1000 and then have it be a real disappointment.

[Sebryn]

Perhaps looking on tumblr or other sites besides the RM site to get a better feel for what you're getting. I vaguely remember reading reviews for it a couple years back when I was first exploring my options after getting stung by the inevitable dick query by a now ex-friend that we all have probably received by unsupportive people around us. I just remember complaints about the adhesive not working well, but that was in gay sex situations since that was my main concern at the time. I do also remember it was on tumblr that I found the reviews.

Also liking the clear strap idea, I think I saw the perfect material the other day when I was at the craft/fabric store with my sister. I'll have to go back and investigate so I can give you the name/brand/material information.

[BrotherBen]

Compared to these others mentioned, it is relatively not all that realistic looking, but Tantus does have a flesh-colored version of their strapless called the Realdoe.

[FlightyBrood]

Compared to these others mentioned, it is relatively not all that realistic looking, but Tantus does have a flesh-colored version of their strapless called the Realdoe.

the problem i would imagine with that is, the feeling of being (excuse my language) penetrated. when im dysphoric thats obviously the last sensation i want.

[notyouraverageguy]

I've looked at the rodeo and even tried using actual underwear as a harness, but it still has an effect because I think that what is really bothering me is that I can't be naked during sex - it's always either a harness or underwear or both.

I was going to suggest just using boxer briefs, but then I read this. For me it helped a lot compared to how I felt wearing a strap.
Also be warned I've seen and read reviews that the rm prosthetic makes a loud clicking when moving it into place and also during sex.
And I have a likereal I got about a couple years ago. I'm sure they've changed how they made it, but it was worth the couple hundred to me. I never got the adhesive so I can't comment on that.
I have a semi realistic one too, I think its also doc Johnson...which is not silicone as you can tell from their prices. Its like cyberskin. I think they may be made from silicone, but I know the one I have is not. You can tell because it feels really soft and smushy like skin. Also it has like a smell to it but its not bad, the silicone packers I have smell worse.

[Bimmer Guy]

Kreuzfidel,
I hear what you are saying on spending that much dough only to not be satisfied (it is indeed a risk)!  Consider a high quality silicone cock in the meantime. I promise it won't have a smell and will have a more solid, quality feel to it than non-silicone cocks.  I really think your wife may prefer the sensation.  I also think my dysphoria would be a lot higher if I wore a non-silicone cock. 

In terms of the clear straps, I believe I saw something like this a long time ago, but I have no recollection of where.  I would think it would have to be plastic strips though and that would cut into your legs.

Edit:  I remember I got the Doc Johnson that would squirt out liquid by squeezing the balls.  I remember the smell was horrible.  I think my then partner at the time and I used it once, nor more than twice before tossing it out.

[Kreuzfidel]

Thanks for the comments, guys.  I really like seeing the options I have and appreciate your feedback.

Regarding the Tantus, like Flighty, I couldn't deal with the penetration - but thank you, anyways!

I'm more inclined now to give the Like Real a try.  It may not look as realistic as the RM, but it may be a good alternative that's not as expensive.  Also, overdrive mentioned to me the tape kit you can get from Lola Jake.  I guess I really just have a choice to make.

Trust me, I'll never go near a Doc Johnson again.  I just can't deal with the odour. 

[BrotherBen]

the problem i would imagine with that is, the feeling of being (excuse my language) penetrated. when im dysphoric thats obviously the last sensation i want.

To each his own It is a little awkward when getting ready, but after that I mostly forget about what exactly's going on down there and focus on what I'm doing with the shaft end.